Rock 'n' Roll Baby

The worst part had come toward the end. I kept telling myself that letting Linc go was for his own good. That it had been his choice and ultimately what he wanted. But in those final weeks, I broke. In a moment of weakness I decided that I had to tell him that we were going to have a baby.

I’d called him again, only to be dealt another blow from their new manager, Hal. He informed me that Linc had made it clear that he didn’t want to hear from me. That he’d moved on. I’d been so mad and hurt that I’d told him to let Linc know he was going to be a father before I hung up the phone. But it wasn’t before I’d heard the manager laugh and ask if I was sure it was his.

I’d been so upset I’d gone into labor. Thank God it had only been a few weeks early. Bailey was a big girl and ready to enter the world. There had never been a more perfect moment in time than when she entered into it. I finally knew the real meaning of unconditional love.

Brian stares at me, his eyes going back and forth between Bailey and me. “What?” I try to move to see if she spit up in her sleep. I don’t see anything. I know all of Brian’s tells; he’s holding something back from me. He’s trying to figure out how to tell me. Which can only mean one thing: it’s about Linc.

“I saw something today.” His eyes remain on mine this time.

“Okay. What did you see?” I pick up my strawberry shake, taking a sip.

“About Linc. They did some interview.”

“I don’t want to know.”

Brian rolls his eyes. “You’re full of shit. You’ll google it at three in the morning when I’m not there to read it with you. You won’t be able to help yourself. Then you won’t be able to sleep.”

“Whatever.” I don’t deny it because it’s true. I can’t help myself. At least once a week I break down and social media stalk them. They’ve achieved what they set out to. They are wildly popular. It all happened so fast. They’ve made it. I am happy for them but it still hurts seeing them out there living their lives without looking back.

Not even when it came to me, their number one fan back home. The girl that was always in their corner, cheering them on and believing in them. From day one I always worked hard to get them new gigs. I did everything in my power to give them a chance at their dreams coming true. I sent songs to anyone that would listen, no matter how big or small they were. They forgot about all of it. At least Linc gave me the gift of Bailey. For that I will forever be grateful.

What would have even happened if he wanted to be a part of her life? Would he try to take her from me? Would I only get her half the time? How would that even work? I push that thought from my head because he doesn’t want anything to do with us either way. It’s still hard to believe that. When I think back on our time together, I wonder if I imagined our relationship to be better than it was. Because in a million years I never would have thought this would have happened to us.

“You want the Cliff’s Notes or you want to read it?” He holds his phone up for me.

“Give it here.” I take it from him, reading the article. “Why are there always strippers?” I hand it back. That is still a sore spot to me.

“She’s like a mom to them, it says.”

“Are you defending them?”

Brian lets out a very long sigh. “No, but it sounds like the man isn’t burning through women.”

I shake my head no. “As much as it hurt to know he went into a strip club, I know the boys took him there. Maybe that night he had some crazy lapse in judgment. I don’t know, but it’s so hard for me to think of Linc as some man that hops from girl to girl. He’s a lover. Full of heart.” A lump forms in my throat. “There I go again.” I quickly wipe away a tear. “Trying to act as though he hasn’t changed. The Linc I knew wouldn’t have sent me that text or not showed up here when he found out I was pregnant.” That is one thing that my mind can’t even comprehend. He knew that I didn’t have the best home life. That my parents had never really loved me. It feels like the ultimate betrayal by him, the fact that he hadn’t loved me enough. Bailey deserves better than that.