Monsters (Ashes Trilogy 3)

“Do you?”

“A little. Alex is . . . she’s not all here. You can see the distance in her eyes.” Sometimes, he wondered if memories were all she saw. Given what lived in her head, there was always another possibility, too upsetting to want to think about for long. “Tom spends every evening with her. She’ll talk to him. He understands way better than I ever will.” The ping of hurt was small but still stung. Everything he said to Tom in the jail at Rule, he’d meant. Tom and Alex were just . . . right for each other. “Tom says it’s like Alex has come back from a long war. That makes sense. She was with the Changed for months. She actually cared about Simon.”

“But Simon does have your face. She never would’ve let herself care or risked her life for him if she didn’t feel the same way about you.”

“I know that. We’re family, I guess. Tom said that once you found your people, you found yourself. Except . . . I’m still not sure.”

“I thought you liked Jayden.”

“Oh no, he’s great. I’m relieved he came up with this. Forget everything that happened: I’d never have fit with Hannah. She’s too territorial. I want to live someplace I make, try and do it right this time, find a balance. And, you know, avoid Changing or getting eaten.”

“Both are going to be problems for a long time, but not forever. The Change is a dead end, Chris. It’s not a disease. It was an event. The only children who will Change from here on out will be like Ellie—too young to Change right away—or like you, kids who still might Change down the line.”

“Thanks. That’s just so reassuring.”

“But it’s the truth. Then there are the ones like Penny’s baby. Maybe it’ll pop out just like the Changed, and maybe it won’t. Finn talked about this once; said that those babies who weren’t Changed might not live, because their parents would eat them.”

“Come on. They’re not gerbils.”

“Most mammals will destroy defective babies. But say they survive. They won’t be anything like their parents. They might not be able to communicate with them at all. All they’ll have in common is eating people. But that’s a behavior, Chris. It’s not destiny. The Changed could eat other meat, plants; their digestive systems haven’t changed. It’s only their brains that have been altered. For them, it’s permanent.”

Well . . . maybe. There was Simon, but that might be only a pipe dream. How would you check up on something like that anyway?

“One way or the other,” Peter said, “the Changed are doomed. Either you kill them, their children kill them, or they kill their unaffected children to save themselves. Without children, they’re done for as a species. So, what I’m saying is, yeah, worry about getting eaten, but don’t base your whole future around it.” Peter’s grip on his shoulder tightened. “Chris. You should go to Copper Island with them. Hannah won’t be there. This is your time. Forget the farmland and how hard surviving the first few years will be for a second. Think about the university, the library, the books. Tenured professors hang around until they drop. If some survived, they can help you. You need this just as much as the kids, and maybe more, because you and Tom and Alex and Kincaid and Pru, everyone who’s older . . . you guys are the teachers now. Not just practical stuff like farming and building a house . . .”

“All of which I don’t know how to do.” He slid a bit of baguette onto his tongue and let it dissolve. “Or how to bake bread.”

“But you can learn. I’m totally serious about this. The Dark Ages were dark for a lot of reasons, but mainly because the Church controlled everything and burnt books. People stopped learning and forgot how to dream. Yes, Chris, you might Change. But you also know how to dream in a very particular way.”

“That’s from the drug.” And how should he understand all that: coming back from the dead twice over, what he was able to do now in his dreams—crossing into this place, finding Peter? Were these visions? Hallucinations? Was this really heaven, or only one island in the Land of the Dead?

“No, this is all you now, Chris,” Peter said. “Yes, the drug triggered your ability, but you’re in control.”

“Of what? Do you know what this is, Peter? Do you understand why I was”—he almost said chosen—“. . . how I’m doing this? What it means?”

“No, but that’s what the future’s about, Chris: for you to become and discover who you are. What’s important is that you found me. You brought yourself here, and no one but you can do this. You are truly unique. Now, become more. Dare more. Dream differently, and then teach the kids. Give them the gift of knowledge. Help them learn how to try, because from that springs hope. You may not do it, Chris, but one of these children or their kids will figure out how to turn on the lights again.” Peter’s hand suddenly slid away. “Oh hell. Sorry, but . . .”

“It’s time? Already?” Sudden tears pooled. It didn’t seem right that all this—the mountain and that valley, this lake—could be so perfect when he could feel this sad. “What if I can’t find you again?”

“You will.” Peter’s voice was even and very calm, as if their roles had reversed. “You can come back anytime you want. All you have to do, Chris, is remember how to dream.”

“But I’m afraid.” He closed his eyes. “I’m afraid I’ll make a mistake again, a big one, like I did with Lena. And what about Simon?”

“Simon will be what he will be. You will make mistakes. Count on it. You’re only human. But you’ve found your people, Chris. Go back now. Help them, and let them heal you.” Peter’s hand cupped his neck. “Finish the wine. Wouldn’t want it to go to waste.”

He tipped the last sweet swallow over his tongue. Apples, he decided. Apples and honey.

Then Chris turned to face his friend. “Peter, I—” But he lost what he wanted to say, his voice suddenly stoppering in his throat as Chris finally saw Peter as he was now.

Peter was in the sun. All Chris’s dazzled eyes made out was a stark silhouette: the form of a head and those broad shoulders and strong chest, and that glistening fall of golden hair. The glow around Peter was so very bright, Chris had to close his eyes.

“Shh. I know. I love you, too. It’ll be all right, I promise.” Peter placed a cool hand over Chris’s eyes. “Wake up now, Chris, and give them back the light.”