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The Vampire's Mail-Order Bride

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Sincerely,

A girl who already thinks of you as her Master

P.S. Would you prefer I close my future letters as your pet?

Dear Rhapsody,

Indeed, I should have known you expected neither an apology nor an explanation.

Yours,

A vampire who remains impressed with your brevity

P.S. ‘Your pet’ does rather have a nice ring to it. Do proceed with signing your letters as such if it pleases you.

Dear Master,

Is it true that you are planning to send me to a training school for pets?

Sincerely,

An unconvinced pet

Dear Rhapsody,

You are correct.

Yours,

A Master who always has your best interests at heart

Dear Master,

I am not happy about this, but I trust in your judgment.

Sincerely,

A resigned pet

Dear Rhapsody,

By the time you are reading this letter, I expect you and Sir Isaac are already en route to your school and future home for the next few years.

I own a property not far from La Scala Legaturia, and your guardian shall move there for the duration of your schooling. Hopefully, the knowledge that Sir Isaac is within driving distance shall help put your mind at ease about this new chapter in your life.

Yours to command,

A Master who hopes for his pet’s understanding

Dear Rhapsody,

I hope milday receives this letter in good health. It has been a while since you last wrote. Pray spare your Master a moment of your time and let him know how you fare.

Sincerely,

A Master who wonders if he still has a pet to call his own

Dear Master,

I shall not lie. I am still unhappy at being forced out of the island to board in this school.

However, it also is not right that my deliberate neglect in writing you letters has made you miss me. I do apologize for that, and I shall make up for this inexcusable wrongdoing by writing to you every day.

Pray let me know if this is sufficient. I may also write to you twice a day or even thrice a day if you so will.

Sincerely,

A pet who is once again devoted to her Master

Dear Rhapsody,

You are truly a pet beyond compare, and while your offer to write to me daily moves me so, I would be a selfish Master if I were to take so much of your time. All I desire is that you do not subject me to the same torment; although Sir Isaac does not neglect to keep me apprised of your activities, it is quite different when it is milady herself who sends me letters.

Sincerely,

A Master who is yours to command

Dear Master,

I apologize for disrupting our regular schedule for correspondence. I thought you should know that I have recently been accused of murder.

Sincerely,

Your pet

Milady:

While I have always found the brevity of your letters charming in its own way, it is entirely and woefully insufficient to simply write – and I quote – I thought you should know that I have recently been accused of murder.

Pray speak more on this matter or your Master shall assume the worst.

Sincerely,

An extremely troubled vampire

Dear Master,

Consider me duly chastened, and I give you my word not to make the same mistake again. The details are as follows:

A man has been found in the forest just outside the walls of our school. The victim had one side of his neck ripped apart, with visible markings of what appeared to be human bites.

Sincerely,

Your pet

Dear Rhapsody,

Just when I think there is nothing you can do to surprise your Master, you prove me wonderfully wrong.

When I say that I wish for more details, it is not of the murder which I speak of. I wish to know how you, my heartkeeper, are faring.

Sincerely,

A still-worried vampire

Dear Master,

I am not troubled. I did not do it.

Sincerely,

Your pet

Dear Rhapsody,

I should have known that is all you have to say about it.

Sincerely,

A Master who has forgotten your talent for brevity

Dear Master,

I once again apologize for disrupting our regular schedule for correspondence. I write to inform you that Lady Zari has succeeded in clearing my name of murder.

Sincerely,

Your pet

Dear Rhapsody,

Do inform your friend that she only has to ask for any reward she so wishes, and if it is within my power to grant, then it shall be done.

Sincerely,

Your Master

Dear Master,

It appears that Lady Zari wishes to transfer to another school, but she is worried that her Master, Lord Alexandru Gheorgiu, might not give her permission to do so. Would you be able to do something about this?

Sincerely,

A pet who believes her Master is as all-powerful as he says he is

Dear Rhapsody,

It was originally my plan to keep my identity a secret for as long as possible and reveal it only when necessary. But to continue doing so would prohibit me from fully keeping my word to your friend, and that is something I do not believe my pet shall look kindly on.

Enclosed with this letter are several documents for Lady Zari. One is from a school based here in Chalys, which is ready to welcome her as a student if she so wishes. The second is a note I have personally penned for your friend, and which you have my blessing to read. Indeed, by doing so you shall be consequently informed of the truth of my identity, which I hope you will not find undesirable in any way.



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