Lover Eternal (Black Dagger Brotherhood 2)

"Yes, it is."

"Listen, when we get to your place, I don't want you calling Rhage or anything. He and I... we've gone our separate ways. So don't bother him about me."

Bella swallowed her surprise. "Doesn't he know you're gone?"

"No. And he'll find out on his own. Okay?"

Bella agreed only to keep Mary's feet moving. "Can I ask you one thing, though?"

"Of course."

"Did he break it off or did you?"

Mary walked along in silence for a moment. "I did."

"Um, did you, by any chance... Were the two of you intimate?"

"Did we have sex?" Mary shifted the L.L. Bean bag to her other hand. "Yes, we did."

"When you made love, did you notice a kind of fragrance coming from his skin? Something like dark spices and - "

"Why are you asking me this?"

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to pry."

They were almost at the farmhouse when Mary murmured, "It was the most beautiful thing I've ever smelled."

Bella kept her curse to herself. No matter what Mary thought, the blond warrior would be coming for her. A bonded male did not let his mate go. Ever. And that was based on her experience with civilians.

She could only guess what a warrior would do if his female took off.

Rhage walked through each room in Mary's house. In her bath upstairs, he found the cabinet under the sink open. Lined up inside there were extra toiletries, like bars of soap, tubes of toothpaste, deodorant. There were gaps in the neat rows, as if she'd taken some.

She was staying somewhere else, he thought, glancing out the window. If it was a hotel he was probably screwed, because she'd be smart enough to register under a different name. Maybe he could try her work -

He focused on the farmhouse way across the meadow. Lights twinkled inside.

Would she have gone to Bella's?

Rhage went downstairs and locked up. A split second later he materialized on Bella's front porch and pounded on the door. When Bella answered, the female just stepped aside as if she'd expected him.

"She's upstairs."

"Where?"

"Front bedroom."

Rhage took the stairs two at a time. Only one door was closed, and he didn't knock, just opened it wide. Light from the hall spilled into the room.

Mary was sound asleep on an enormous brass bed, wearing a sweater and a pair of blue jeans he recognized. A patchwork quilt had been pulled over her legs, and she was half on her stomach, half on her side. She looked utterly exhausted.

His first instinct was to take her into his arms.

He stayed right where he was.

"Mary." He kept his voice impersonal. "Mary. Wake up."

Her eyelashes fluttered, but then she only sighed and moved her head a little.

"Mary."

Oh, for f**k's sake.

He went over to the bed and bounced on the mattress with his hands. That got her attention. She shot up, eyes petrified until she saw him.

And then she just looked confused.

"What are you doing here?" She pushed her hair out of her face.

"Yeah, maybe you want to answer that first?"

"I'm not at home."

"No, you aren't. You're not where you need to be, either."

She settled back against the pillows, and he became acutely aware of the dark circles under her eyes, the pale line of her lips... and the fact that she wasn't fighting with him.

Don't ask, he told himself.

Ah, hell. "What happened this afternoon?"

"I just needed some time alone."

"I'm not talking about how you ditched Fritz. We'll get to that later. I want to know about the doc's."

"Oh, yeah. That."

He stared at her while she fiddled with the edge of the quilt. As she stayed silent, he wanted to scream. Throw things. Burn something down.

"Well?" he forced out.

"It wasn't that I thought you were unworthy."

What the hell was she talking about? Oh, yeah, that lovely little attending-her-when-she-was-ill conversation. Man, she was in full avoidance mode.

"How bad is it, Mary. And don't even think about lying to me."

Her eyes met his. "They want me to start chemo next week."

Rhage exhaled slowly. Well, if that didn't just peel the skin right off him.

He sat on the far edge of the bed and shut the door with his mind. "Will it work?"

"I think so. My doctor and I are going to meet again in a couple of days after she talks to some of her colleagues. The biggest question is how much more of the treatment I can handle, so they took blood to check my liver and kidneys. I told them I'll take as much as they can give me."

He rubbed his face with his palm. "Jesus Christ."

"I watched my mother die," she said softly. "It was awful. Seeing her lose her faculties and be in such pain. By the end she didn't look like herself, she didn't act like herself. She was gone except for the body that refused to quit its basic functions. I'm not saying that's where I'm headed, but it's going to be rough."

Goddamn, his chest hurt. "And you don't want me going through that?"

"No, I don't. I don't want that for either of us. I'd rather you remember me the way I am now. And I'd rather remember us the way we've been. I'm going to need some happy places to go."

"I want to be there for you."

"And I don't need that. I'm not going to have the energy to put up a front. And pain... pain makes people change."

It sure the hell did. He felt like he'd aged about a century since he'd met her.

"Oh, Rhage..." When her voice wavered, she cleared it sharply. And he despised her for needing to be in control. "I'm going to... miss you."

He glanced at her over his shoulder. He knew if he tried to hold her she'd bolt from the room, so he grabbed on to the edge of the mattress. And squeezed.

"What am I doing?" She laughed awkwardly. "I'm sorry to burden you with all this. I know you've moved on and everything."

"Moved on?" he ground out. "How you figure that?"

"The woman last night. Anyway - "

"What female?"

When she shook her head, he lost his temper. "God damn you, can you just answer my question without a f**king fight? Consider it a pity throw, a novelty. I'm leaving in a few minutes anyway, so you won't have to worry about doing it again."

As her shoulders sagged he felt like hell for yelling at her.

But before he could apologize, she said, "I'm talking about the woman you took to bed last night. I... I waited for you. I wanted to tell you I was sorry... I saw you go into your room with her. Look, I didn't bring this up to guilt you or something."

No, of course not. She didn't want anything from him. Not his love. Not his support. Not his guilt. Not even the sex.

He shook his head, his voice going flat. He was so tired of explaining himself to her, but he did it out of reflex. "That was the Directrix of the Chosen. We were talking about my feeding, Mary. I wasn't having sex with her."

He looked down at the floor. Then let go of the bed and put his head in his hands.

There was a silence. "I'm sorry, Rhage."

"Yeah. So am I."

He heard a hiccupping noise and shuffled his fingers so he could see her face through a hole. But she wasn't crying. No, not Mary. She was too strong for that.

He wasn't, though. He had tears in his eyes.

Rhage cleared his throat and blinked a lot. When he glanced over at her again, she was staring at him with a tenderness and sorrow that made him violent.

Oh, great. Now she was pitying him because he was all sloppy and shit. Man, if he didn't love her as much as he did, he would have hated her at this moment.

He stood up. And made damn sure his voice was as tough as she was when he spoke. "That alarm system in your house will be wired to us. If it gets triggered, I'll" - he corrected himself - "one of us will come running. Vishous will contact you here when it's up and rolling."

As the silence stretched, he shrugged. "So... bye."

He walked out the door and did not allow himself to look back.

When he got downstairs, he found Bella in the living room. The instant the female saw his face, her eyes popped wide. Clearly he looked as god-awful as he felt.

"Thanks," he said, though he wasn't sure what he was thanking her for. "And just so you know, the Brotherhood is going to do drive-bys on your house. Even after she leaves."