Avoiding Commitment (Avoiding 1)

Happy birthday to him.

Lexi stayed outside for a minute contemplating how she had allowed things to get so out of control. She had promised herself she wouldn't let this happen, but when push comes to shove, literally, she couldn't say no to him. If she were to do it all over again, she'd make the same goddamn mistake. That was the part that miffed her the most. She knew that she should look at it as a mistake, but she couldn't. He had said that it didn't change anything, but she knew deep down that it changed everything. If he could have her like this, would he want her any other way? It was a question she had wrestled with for a long time, and still to this day she didn't know the answer.

She bit her lip in her consternation and cursed loudly forgetting that Jack had bit down hard on the sensitive tissue. The one thing she did know is that she needed to get away from this place. She didn't care where she went as long as it was far away from here.

Lexi quickly darted back into the bathroom, shimmying out of her sodden, destroyed underwear and chucking them into the trashcan. She pulled her knot of curls out of the messy bun that looked like a disaster after having been scrapped against a cement wall. She applied a thin layer of clear lip gloss hoping that would cover the bruise that was forming, but she doubted it. She assessed her neck noticing a few red marks beginning to form where Jack had been too violent, but she didn't have any concealer and hoped no one would notice as she snuck out.

There was no way she could atone for her dress though. The back looked like well…it had been dragged across cement. Some strings were hanging free from the material. The silky fabric was dotted with scuffs that resembled a bathing suit bottom after sitting on the edge of a pool for too long. Not to mention the scratches that covered her upper back where her hair had been held high. She would never be able to explain those. Luckily, her back hadn't bled, but some of the scrapes were so red she was certain had he gone on any longer, they would have. She just hoped her long hair would hide as much as possible.

After deciding nothing more could be done, she snuck back out of the bathroom and made a beeline for the exit. When she got there, she ducked through the double doors and stopped as she almost ran smack dab into Ramsey. She didn't even know how long she had been gone.

"Where have you been?" he asked concern evident in his voice. "It's twelve-twenty. I've been searching for you everywhere. I had just decided to see if any cabs had taken you home, but no one knew anything. Are you alright?"

His green eyes were wide with worry. She knew she should feel guilty, and maybe a small part of her did. Ramsey was starting to grow on her and he seemed so genuinely concerned. But this was the last thing she needed after what she had just done.

"Uh, yeah…" she trailed off not meeting his gaze. "Sorry."

"It's fine. I'm glad you're alright," he said scooping her up into a hug. She bit back a cry as his hands brushed against her red, swollen back.

"I have to get out of here," she muttered abrasively. "Can you call me a cab?"

"Where are you going?" he asked hesitantly trying to meet her eyes.

"Back to the hotel."

"Alright. You have a key right?" he asked just to make sure. He snapped his fingers at the concierge to begin to make arrangements.

"Oh shit," she cried. "Chyna lost the other one and I gave her mine. I have to go find her." She turned to make an embarrassing reappearance into the club.

"She's already left," he muttered stopping her from leaving. "I think she is going to his place."

"Fuck!" Lexi could not believe her awful luck. She couldn't stay here any longer, but there was no way she could go back to the hotel. "I guess I can see if they'll make me a new one," she muttered hopefully.

"Just come back with me," Ramsey said tilting her chin up to him. She did not want him to be in her personal space right now. He was too intuitive and would surely notice her bumps and bruises. She didn't want him to ask questions. If she woke up in the morning with scrapes, bruises, and hickeys all over her, he was going to know something was up, because he certainly wasn't going to be given the opportunity to touch her in that way.

"I can't," she muttered.

"You can stay in the guest bedroom…if you want," he added for his own benefit.

"Do I have any other choice?" she grumbled wondering why the universe hated her so much.

He shook his head. "Tell them to pull the limo around," he commanded the woman as he escorted Lexi out of the building.

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My awesome reviewers are: Cupid's Psyche (I hope I answered all your questions ;) ), sammi-2688 (I adored you calling Jack pathological, because as you can see that's a good word for him), 1PitBullGurl, total romance., CaliBound, Sure as the Dawn, and Jet . Black . dbs!

K.A. Linde

Black Box

Your new beginning was a perfect ending

But I keep feeling we've already been here before

It's time you let me know let me know just let go

Tell me with so many out there why I always turn to you

Your goodbyes tear me down every time

And it's so easy to see

That the blame is on me

-Kelly Clarkson "All I Ever Wanted"

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Chapter 22: December One and a Half Years Earlier

The next morning was the gloomiest of any Lexi had witnessed since moving to New York. Snow had fallen the night before after Lexi had made it safely back to her apartment. In typical city fashion, the streets had been cleared of the white flurries by daybreak. Brown slush took its place on the sidewalks and gutters creating a hazardous environment for any who traversed the city. Dreary, charcoal clouds covered the sky casting a depressing aura across the metropolitan area. A heavy fog mixed with the ever increasing quantities of pollution hung thick in the morning air.

Under these conditions, most normal people would have avoided leaving their apartment at all costs on a Saturday morning. Lexi was not one of those people. She thought she had switched off the alarm set for finals, but it still managed to go off at eight in the morning. Her sleep had been restless and no matter how hard she tried to go back to sleep, sleep would not come to her. Instead, she made the mistake of pulling on a t-shirt, black track suit, and running sneakers to take a brisk jog around the park before the city really livened up.

The wind viciously whipped her hair around her face cutting across her delicate skin and stinging her eyes. Water streamed from her eyes as she sprinted the last leg of her run before exiting Washington Square Park. She doubled over clutching her hands to her ribs as her breath came out in spurts. The wintry air filled her lungs causing her to wheeze in pain at the assault. Her heart was still working overdrive thumping away in her chest from the physical exertion. She attempted to wiggle her toes which felt near frozen in her soggy socks and snow-coated tennis shoes. The movement was painful as life came back into her lower extremities.