Avoiding Commitment (Avoiding 1)

Wrenching free from his touch, she stumbled across the room. She couldn't believe how easily he overpowered her senses. Her heart was racing, but surprisingly not from the feel of his lips. She had never felt such anger over a kiss from Jack. He knew what he was doing and how she completely lacked composure around her. He was trying to win this argument by making her forget. He so easily made her forget that it was a brilliant plan. Except this time Lexi wasn't going to let him win. She needed to talk to him and she needed answers.

"Who is going to happen to be there next time?" she spat at him her eyes narrowing. "Stella happened to be there when you needed someone, but you could have just as easily called me and I would have come to you. I would have been there, but you didn't want me there. You wanted to f**k something meaningless because you are too f**king afraid to let me in."

"Lexi," he interjected hoping to reason with her. He took another step forward nearly cornering her.

"Goddamnit Jack! Don't you take one more step towards me," she yelled her arms extending to push him away from her if necessary. "I need to have this conversation with you not get lost in your stupid blue eyes."

He smirked despite her seriousness. "Stupid blue eyes? I thought you liked them."

Lexi glared. "Cut it out."

"Fine. Sorry," he mumbled.

They both stared at the floor not sure what the next course of action should be. Lexi felt numb from all she had just heard. Her body, which had already been aching from her run, hurt all over. She just wanted to cry, but at the same time, she felt as if she had no more tears left. Maybe if he had just broken up with her, she could have cried. But not over this. She just hurt from this.

"So where do we go from here?" she asked him afraid of the answer.

"I was going to ask you the same thing."

Lexi raised her head and stared at the man she had loved for close to four years. Could she give up everything over a one night stand? Was she really a hypocrite for being angry at him for sleeping with someone else? It's not like they had set any boundaries, any rules. She had just assumed that was a given. But then again, she had been on the other end of this scenario with his last two girlfriends. It only made sense for him not to know what the rules were especially if he still had it in his mind that they weren't officially together.

But that did not excuse how he was treating her.

"I think you should leave," she finally said.

"I told you it was up to you whether or not we kept this going," he mumbled crossing the room to the doorway.

"I didn't say that I'd made a decision," she said stopping him with his hand on the knob.

He turned around and looked at her wistfully. "You mean..."

"I mean you should get the f**k out because I don't want to see you for the next month or so I'm so angry at you." He hung his head. "But I doubt I'd ever make it a month after what we've been through." His blue eyes looked up at her hope apparent throughout the irises. "But I can't look at you right now. I feel sick to my stomach at the sight of you. You don't care about me Jack. Or at least not enough to ignore a girl when she spreads her legs for you. I don't know if that is enough for me. So just don't come back until you have something better to tell me."

When Jack left her dorm, Lexi felt as if all the air had been sucked out of the room. She collapsed back against the couch and stared at the door he exited through until her eyes stung from not blinking enough. What had she done? What had he made her do? How could he force her hand in such a way? So many questions ran through her mind. She didn't know which to focus on first. What she did know was that he had hurt her...he'd hurt her worse than ever before. This was worse than him lying about Danielle, seducing her into lying to Spencer and Clark, refraining from telling her that Kate was a virgin, from telling her he loved her much too late...this was worse than it all.

And she had meant what she said. She couldn't look at him right now without hurting. Sure she felt betrayed because of him sleeping with Stella, but she was just as angry with herself. When he'd given her a chance for them to be together, she had been scared and thought it would be safer to try it out without an official title. Look how that had back fired in her face. She wasn't so sure if things would have been different though. She might have just saved herself some heartache, because had her boyfriend cheated on her it would have been worse than Jack sleeping with some other girl. At least she wanted to delude herself into believing that it would have been different.

What pissed her off the most was that she hadn't truly wanted him to leave. He was a part of her now. She had told him not to come back unless he had something better to say, but she was terrified that he never would. No one pushed Jack around. He did what he wanted when he wanted and she just happened to be on the wrong end of things this time around. What if she had pushed him away to the point that he never came back? They certainly had been through enough drama that she wouldn't...couldn't blame him if he wanted a fresh start. But she didn't want that with anyone else but Jack.

She had made up her mind a long time ago that Jack was the only man for her. If they had gotten though this far, then they could make it through anything. But he had been with Stella when he had known he could have her. What kind of guy does that?

She shook her head. She had been in that exact position on a number of occasions with Clark. She knew how easy it could be to just escape with Jack when she couldn't be around Clark. As wrong as she knew it was, she hadn't been able to stop herself. She had always thought that desperation came from wanting Jack, but maybe things were different with him. Perhaps he had always done it because he enjoyed the cloak and dagger effect of hiding and running away from his life with her.

Was that all she had been for all those years?

She just couldn't be sure.

Lexi wasn't sure how many hours had passed as she sat rooted to her place on the sofa. Claire and Elizabeth moseyed in at some point chatting about how amazingly wild Chyna's party had been. They attempted to coax a response out of her but she sat like a statue as they carried on about their night. Rachelle eventually resurfaced and, after seeing the blank look on Lexi's face, ushered the others out of the living room. Lexi didn't ever have a smile for her though she did appreciate the gesture. She did not, however, appreciate Rachelle's own efforts to find out what had happened between her and Jack. Lexi just glared at her as she rattled off outrageous scenarios.