Avoiding Responsibility (Avoiding 2)

As soon as Ramsey closed the door, Lexi kicked her luggage with such force she had to hop around on one foot due to the pain. She crumpled to the ground to examine the damage which had only furthered her anger and frustration. Her toes were red, but she hadn't broken the skin. They just felt cramped as she tried to wiggle them. After lying on the floor for another minute, she stood back up and began to pace the room.

How much longer could he really take? She desperately wanted to know what they were talking about and why it was taking longer than just a minute or two. She assumed it had something to do with the preparations for this weekend, but then why would he need to speak with Ramsey alone?

She knew he probably wasn't that comfortable with her being there. She wouldn't have been comfortable in the same situation. But that didn't mean he could just dismiss her the entire time that she was here. He hadn't even remembered inviting her here and by the look on his face she was the last person he wanted to see. Not that she cared.

Or so she kept telling herself. She was going to be at his damn wedding and suffer through the lies that they were going to tell each other. She was going to laugh during their vows and smile devilishly when he puts a real ring next to the fake one she was already wearing like a trophy. These were the things that she wanted to do, but they weren't the thing she wanted to do the most.

She wanted to ruin Bekah. She wanted to object in front of everyone that these two individuals were fit for marriage. When asked on what grounds, she was capable of giving so many different answers: infidelity, lust, greed, manipulation, lies…the list was endless. And these were all attributes that the mass crowd that would be present would be unaware of. It would be a triumphant beautiful moment for Lexi.

Chyna hadn't thought so. Even without knowing all the details, Chyna had disagreed with the idea. Her logic was probably right at least. She might be destroying Bekah and Jack, but to what end? Did it make her any better than Bekah to destroy something and in front of everyone? Lexi had tried to block out those questions. She had never stooped to Bekah's level once. Not once.

And there had been plenty of opportunities for sabotage. She could have ruined everything long ago and yet she hadn't done it. Chyna continued to refer back to those occurrences. If she hadn't been capable of doing it then, what made Lexi think she could do it right before the wedding? The only answer she had ever been able to come up with is that it was her last chance. After that, they would be wed. She would no longer have a chance.

Still, she kept asking herself what she was going to have a chance for. She wasn't going to magically win Jack back after all of this. And she didn't even want that anymore. Despite what had happened with Ramsey, a future was still a potential with him. There was no potential left with Jack. Just a long lost love of someone who could never fully reciprocate those affections. A part of her would always love him, but he couldn't be hers ever again. Not after what had happened…after what they had gone through. It had been too much. The last thing she ever wanted to do for him was show up at his wedding to see him become another woman's husband.

It pained her through and through to know that Jack would never again be hers. He had been such a big large of her past that her future felt incomplete without him around. It wasn't like she missed him, but there were times when something significant happened that her heart would ache for him. A hole was left in his absence and gradually it shrank, but it never completely disappeared.

Just as she felt the self-pity surrounding her previous actions about Jack begin to take over, a beep from her phone pulled her out of her sinking mood. She fished the phone out of her purse and clicked the button to pull up the text message. "Are you avoiding me?"

Lexi glanced up at the door tentative about someone coming into the room. The last thing she wanted to deal with on top of everyone else was her mystery man. She hadn't necessarily been avoiding him, but it was just easier to try and work everything else out first. Okay so she had been avoiding him a little, but it wasn't as if she had had much choice. She quickly jotted down a message and pressed send. "No, not in NYC."

"Oh, well that's better than avoiding me. I don't want to make you feel awkward."

Lexi tucked a lock of hair behind her ear before sending another message. "Don't worry about it. I just have a lot to deal with right now."

"As usual." Lexi clicked off the message not sure how to respond. Yes she always had something to deal with, but he couldn't be one of those things yet. Before she could think of something to say he had sent another one, "Let me take you to dinner."

She shook her head. "I don't know about that."

"I know just the place."

"I know you do, but it's complicated."

"You just make it so."

The door jiggled as if someone was about to walk into the room so she quickly shot back a response. "We'll talk about this when I'm back. Gotta go. Bye."

She threw her phone into her purse just as Ramsey walked through the door. She tried to act nonchalant as if she hadn't really been doing anything while he had been downstairs. Her heart was racing though. Ramsey didn't know that anything had happened when they had been apart, and she wasn't planning on telling him. They had been separated and so nothing that had happened counted.

She hadn't exactly been in a good place, and even though he was continuing to get in contact with her, Lexi hadn't seen him since that night. She wasn't sure how Ramsey would react to news like that, but she didn't want to find out. With everything still up in the air surrounding their relationship, she didn't want to say or do anything that might jeopardize whatever was going on. If the time ever came up in which she would need to tell him what had happened while they had been a part, then she would think about it. Until then her lips were sealed, and she had always been good at keeping secrets.

The only thing she hadn't been good at was lying. And trying to cover up the fact that she had just been doing something suspicious was a form of lying. Ramsey saw straight through her when she entered the room. She could tell he was assessing her behavior and she tried desperately to keep from messing with her hair. It was a dead giveaway and in this scenario was the last thing that she needed to do.

"What's going on?" she finally asked her voice staying level. His eyes darted from her face to her purse and back. She watched them flicker to her hands lightly clenching onto her khaki shorts to keep from moving. When they returned to her face, she could see that they were set and suspicious, but he wasn't going to ask. They were still on thin ice and he wasn't going to make the wrong step.