Avoiding Temptation (Avoiding 3)

But then, the temptation changed.

She changed.

Desire, lust, cheating—those temptations weren’t there anymore. She didn’t ever want to cheat again. What came with cheating was heartbreak and pain—the exact pain that Ramsey had pulled her out of.

Now, she was avoiding temptation to settle—to stay with Ramsey because he had been the person to pull her out of it, and realizing that was the reason why he was important to her.

And she loved Ramsey. She had loved him for a really long time.

But she didn’t love him enough to spend the rest of her life with him.

And really, when it came down to that, it was an easy choice.

Because it was what she wanted.

“I’m sorry, Ramsey. I just…I’m not happy,” she said. “I want us to work. I want it to be right.”

“Then, let me show you.” Ramsey reached out for her, pulling her toward him. “I’ve changed my whole life for you, Lexi. Just let me show you. Please.”

“Ramsey, no,” she said, shaking her head. “I didn’t ask you to change your life for me.”

“But I did anyway!” he said, running his arms up and resting his hands on her shoulders.

“I liked who you were. I liked you being independent. I liked the rebellious Ramsey.”

“I wanted something we could be proud of.”

Lexi shook her head and tried to pull away. “I never judged you for how your life was. I liked that you cared enough about what you wanted, that you didn’t have to be under your father’s influence.” Lexi bit her lip and turned her face from him. She wished she could explain all of this better. “But when you changed, for me, you lost part of the person you were when I fell in love with you.”

“I changed for the better, not for the worse, Lexi. I changed to be a better man for you.”

“You’re not hearing me,” she said softly. “You were already a great man. You’re still a great man. I just…don’t think you’re the man for me.”

Lexi saw the exact moment Ramsey’s heart broke. It was stunningly painful, like staring into the sun on a bright afternoon or the glare of a flashlight in his eyes in the pitch black. It was like the moment a storm broke overhead, dropping a torrential downpour onto the earth. It was that second when the fight went out of a boxer’s eyes, the moment of defeat, the moment of destruction, when he only needed one more punch to crumple to the ground and have darkness swallow him up whole.

A single tear fell out of Ramsey’s right eye and rolled down his cheek to his tensed jaw. His eyes were misted over with emotion, and Lexi had to swallow back a knot in her throat. She had brought this strong man, this beautiful man, to tears, and there was absolutely nothing that she could do about it that she wouldn’t regret for the rest of her life.

“I’m sorry, Ramsey. I can’t keep this,” she said, pulling the diamond ring off her finger. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and tried to blink back the tears forming in her eyes. “I already have one that belongs to me. It was saved for me before I even knew who you were.”

Chapter 23

Lexi had always thought that when it came to this moment, when she had the right to choose, the right to make up her mind for herself without any exterior complciations, she would turn Jack away. How many times had he done it to her? But then again…how many times had she done it to him? He had told her how he felt when she was dating both her college boyfriends, and she had said no. They had never had their chance only because they had both run scared at every opportunity. But now, Jack was laid out in front of her, and she couldn’t bear to do it. She couldn’t bear to give him up.

It was a terrifying notion—no more running, no more hiding. She had owned up to how she was feeling with Ramsey, and she would have to do it now with Jack.

Christ! She had left him waiting for her without an answer. She had walked out of his apartment, still deciding what she was going to do. The choice to leave Ramsey was her own. It had nothing to do with Jack. And by now Jack probably thought that it was over.

She could walk away, start over, find a new life.

But…what kind of life would she have without Jack?

It made her heart constrict, thinking about it. She had been so ready to move on and get past him after his wedding, but she had found that she couldn’t. It wasn’t even that she couldn’t. She just didn’t want to. She wanted him in her life. She wanted him around. She wanted him to be the person who picked her up when she was down, the one who made her smile. She was so tired of heartache, and she wondered over and over again if she had just tried it with Jack from the beginning what it would have looked like.

She would never know. They had never taken the chance. Even in New York, she had been the one to say, Let’s just take it slow. But how could they even possibly take it slow? All her heart told her was to floor the pedal and speed down the road as fast as she could.

They had been fighting this for so long that she couldn’t even articulate what it felt like to know that Jack was waiting for her, that he wanted her, that she could have him…

Almost four years since they had last slept together. Almost six since New York.

She swallowed hard when she did the math. All this time—ten years in August—and Jack was still the one man she couldn’t live without.

Jack had told her, all those years ago, that they were fated to be together….that he wished he could go back to change the way he had acted. Nothing could erase the past though. Nothing could change what they had gone through.

But Jack had changed. Over the last two years, he had grown up. He had stopped thinking that he could have his cake and eat it, too. He respected her, and now…he was fighting for her.

So, while nothing could change their past, they could change the future.

They already had.

Lexi’s hand shook as she knocked on the door to Jack’s apartment. It was half past one o’clock in the morning, and she knew Jack would likely be asleep…in the bed she had been sleeping in for the past five days. She still had the key that he had given her, but she didn’t feel right using it, not after walking out on him this morning. She couldn’t until she figured out what was going on between them.

As she waited for an answering call, for the door to slide back, for Jack’s face to appear, shocked, in the doorway, she let her mind wander back to the hospital.