Avoiding Intimacy (Avoiding 2.5)

“Charming,” Chyna grumbled.

“Judgey.”

“With reason,” she said, pointing at the woman. “She was plain rude.”

“She’s probably just had a long day.”

Chyna hmphed, not wanting to talk about the unfortunate waitress.

With nowhere else to look, Adam returned her gaze with a sigh. “You wanted to meet, so we’re meeting. I only have an hour lunch. What did you want to talk about?”

Chyna swallowed and steeled herself for this. She was pleasantly sober. She hadn’t even been drinking the night before in anticipation of this conversation.

“I...wanted to apologize,” she said meekly, wanting to break eye contact but not allowing herself, “for what happened.”

“Apologize?” he asked suspiciously.

She paused, wishing she didn’t have to do this. Why did it have to be this way?

The one guy who she had agreed to actually give it a go with had ended up leaving her. She didn’t know how to do what she was about to do.

“I can understand why you were pissed and why you left,” she said, her voice breaking. God, she had wanted to keep it together! “I shouldn’t have gone behind your back. I probably could have picked a better time to tell you about it, and I could have handled everything that happened afterward better. So…I’m sorry.

I was a shit, and I’m admitting that.”

“You were a shit,” Adam agreed, “but…”

Chyna froze in place at that word. She had not been expecting that word.

“I was a shit, too. You were drunk, and I got pissed. Instead of working things out, I just left and let them simmer all week. That wasn’t fair to either of us,” he said, sighing. “I talked to John.”

She felt her blood boil at the name.

That son of a bitch! He had used her drunk ass for his own amusement. She had thought she was attracted to him, but really, it was one big façade. He was as charming as a con artist, slippery as a snake, and tricky as a thief. He had thought he could get an easy lay out of her, and when she had pushed him back, he had freaked out on her. She knew guys like him. From now on, she hated them, too.

No one should be able to be that manipulative . He was a certified douche.

“He owned up to what happened. Told a slightly different tale than the one you fed me, but I don’t think anyone will know what happened unless they were in the room that night. Frankly, I don’t want to know. What happened, happened. It’s over now. I can’t continue to dwell on it.”

“I know what you mean,” she said softly as their food arrived.

Adam took the opportunity to fill his mouth, so he didn’t have to talk. She could see he was brooding behind those big hazel eyes, but she didn’t ask a question.

She wanted to soak up the fact that he had apologized as well. No way had she thought he would do that. She had been in the wrong, not him. Chyna sucked on her strawberry milkshake, mulling over the situation in silence. He had more to say, and she knew it. They weren’t finished with the conversation after not talking all week.

Adam tore through his burger, and then he started picking at his onion rings. She waited for him to speak. He looked like he wanted to lead the conversation. When he finally spoke up, she almost wished he hadn’t.

“Why my brother?”

It was a question she didn’t have an answer for. She hadn’t kissed John. He had kissed her. But, that wasn’t good enough. As cruel as John had been that night when she had stopped the kiss, he did have a fair point. She had been thinking about the kiss and worse since she had met him. Her intentions had been anything but honorable, and it made her feel worse. She didn’t even want to fight him on this. She didn’t feel like she had a right to.

“I don’t know,” she finally answered.

“Really?” he asked, dipping an onion ring in ketchup.

Chyna sighed, wishing she could go back and fix it. Fix her attraction to John.

Fix her reaction to his advances. Fix the way she had confronted Adam. “It was a mistake. Plain and simple. I don’t have an excuse, not even a reason. It happened, and it was a mistake.”

“You knew I looked up to him.”

She nodded. She sucked harder on her milkshake, hoping he wouldn’t drag this out.

“I asked you to hang out with him.”

“I know,” she whispered, staring down at her milkshake, frustrated. What more did he want her to say? Did he want her to beg? She wouldn’t beg. “It was a mistake, Adam.”

It was the first time she had said his name, and at the sound of it, he seemed to soften.

“For a while, I thought you were a mistake,” he admitted.

Chyna’s heart clenched painfully. She felt like she had been shot or punched or some other terrible thing. All the air was gone from her lungs, and she felt sick at the same time. How could he even say that to her? It was so cruel.

“But, if you were a mistake, I wouldn’t want you back…and I do.”

CHAPTER 9

PRESENT

Chyna crossed through Central Park, passing the far side of the MET, as she walked back out onto 5th Avenue. She veered north against traffic toward the entrance to the colossal building. She had always thought that when she grew up she would be the president of the board at the MET. It had been a strange childhood aspiration as far as dreams went for little kids, but she had thought it ordinary then.

After realizing how much charity work she would have to do to even fathom getting on the board, she had quickly given up the thought. She didn’t want to be forced to do charity work. She would rather do it all on her own. However, she still enjoyed the opera and ballets that graced the stage.

Staring up at the enormous stone building made her feel at home. In that moment, she realized how much she had missed New York City while she had been in Milan. She adored Milan, and it would always have a special place in her heart, but nothing could compare to New York.

She couldn’t believe that only yesterday she had been the centerpiece for a major fashion show. Her reaction regarding Marco had been rash, but that was usually how she worked. Act now and think later. It wasn’t always the best approach.

She was miffed that she hadn’t received so much as a f**k off, bitch text from Marco. Not to mention, she hadn’t heard a single word from her three bitchy roommates. How could they see that she was gone and not even ask if she was alive? What great friends! Alexa would be worried sick. Well, Alexa was worried sick, but Chyna didn’t really want to share what had happened. She already knew what she would say anyway, and she had been chastising herself enough.