Avoiding Intimacy (Avoiding 2.5)

Stop it! She didn’t want to hear about how nice he was! He was disgusting, a pig, the scum of the universe! What kind of guy hits on his brother’s girlfriend?

Terrible kinds!

She wanted to hate him! She didn’t want to think that…perhaps he was actually a nice guy who had made a mistake. She didn’t want to think about him apologizing. Then, that would just be one more thing that she had gotten wrong and one more thing that she would have to change her perspective on.

No, she was determined that he was a bad guy. He saw what he wanted and took it. Plain and simple. None of this apologizing. Nothing more than a set up.

“At the time, he said to me, ‘Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.’ It’s an Oscar Wilde quote. Kind of stuck with me.”

Chyna shook her head. She didn’t want to think about him or his Oscar Wilde quotes. She didn’t care that they made sense.

“I don’t want to talk about him,” she said, knowing she was being short with Adam.

“Alright. I just thought you would want to know.”

She didn’t, but she didn’t say that. She didn’t have to. It was written all over her face.

“Forget I said anything then,” he said, drawing her close to him again.

She wanted to forget, but she knew she wouldn’t, not now.

“I’m just happy to be here. Whatever that means,” he said, finding her hand and circling his thumb against her palm.

“What does that mean?” she asked, looking up at him.

“Whatever you want. What do you want?”

So many things—a modeling career, for one . But, she couldn’t have that now, and she realized the only other thing she had ever wanted that much was standing directly in front of her. She knew the answer to his question then.

“You. I just want you,” she breathed, wrapping her arms up around his neck.

His smile was contagious, and she found herself mirroring his goofy grin.

“That’s convenient.”

“Why?” she asked, unable to drop her smile even if she had tried.

“Because I want you, too.”

Her heart skipped a beat as everything came into focus. She had gone through a lot to get to this moment, and it was incredibly perfect just the way it was. She knew that there would be things that would linger with her—John, Marco, modeling—that she couldn’t control. The only thing she could control was where she would go from here.

“I told you before you left that I would miss you, and I meant every word. It wasn’t the same without you in my life.

I’m sorry I pushed you out of it,” he told her, staring down into her face.

“I’m sorry I let you,” she whispered.

Adam bent forward, brushing his nose against hers before letting his lips fall on hers. His kiss was sweet and full of apologies for their time apart. She wanted to tell him that it was okay…that everything was okay now. She was back.

She wished they could just pick up where they had left off, but maybe it was better that they couldn’t. Leaving Italy had changed her, and she liked herself better for having done it. For having gone and done something great, and came back to find him still there.

Chyna’s heart hadn’t known what it wanted. It wasn’t even been able to process what she was feeling.

She just kept finding herself repeating the same mistakes over and over again.

But, it was going to stop. She couldn’t keep avoiding intimacy with the one person she truly wanted it with. All the other guys had been temporary flings, forgettable. Even the ones who had stayed with her long after were only shadows of this feeling right now. She had pursued them out of a thought that they were the kind of guy she wanted or even needed, he r type, but she had been wrong. They couldn’t hold a flame to this.

Yet, what was she feeling? What had she felt that day that she and Adam had mutually broken up? Her world had been shattered, and she had been devastated. It felt like her like her life was imploding, and there was nothing she could do to fix it. It was like she was being held underwater, struggling to break free. She could think of a thousand different agonizing scenarios, and none of them were as bad as when her heart had broken.

And, none were as good as him sewing it back together.

“Adam,” she said, curling her finger around the hairs at the nape of his neck.

“Yeah,” he murmured, resting his forehead against hers.

Her heart hammered in her chest. She knew. She knew then.

“I love you,” she told him.

It was the first time she had ever said it to anyone, and she meant every word.

That was what she had been feeling all along, and she just had never stopped long enough to realize it. She had never felt it before, and when it had taken up foreign residence in her heart, she had been scared of the new emotions it elicited out of her. But, being with him now…she just knew.

“I knew that all along,” he said with a smile. “I love you, too.”

Their lips met, washing away the aches and pain of their past. They knew the road ahead would hold many more trials of their love. But today, they were content with their reunion—with the knowledge of reciprocated love.

Chyna knew then that although they had gone through much to reach their destination, the journey had only brought them closer. And, in the end, she had found him.

He was the one she had to go through all the jerks to find.

He was her end game.

The End