But, no. Fuck the food.
I just want to talk to Harrison.
I also would really love it if I could stop crying.
God, these stupid hormones.
The thick emotion has been clogging my throat for the past few hours, and it’s taken a Herculean effort to swallow it down and stay focused on set.
But the moment Max told everyone it was time to take a short break for dinner and I screamed my need for peace and quiet, I all but hauled ass to my trailer so I could release all of this pent-up emotion that’s been building inside me.
The instant I stepped into my trailer and locked the door behind me, I just fucking lost it.
Loud, choking, uncontrollable sobs escaped my lungs for god knows how long, and now, I’ve reached the point where the wails have lessened but the tears just keep slipping down my cheeks.
Three soft knocks to my trailer door fill my ears, and I scowl.
You’ve got to be kidding me.
“Raquel, it’s Wilson. Max wants to know if you’re okay with the dress for the next scene.”
“Yes, I’m fine with it,” I say through clenched teeth. “I thought we already made that clear.”
“Are you sure?”
“Wilson,” I all but spit back. “It’s fine. I already fucking told Max it was fine. Now, leave me be, okay?”
“Okay. Well, can I get you anything?”
Oh, sweet Lucifer, go away!
I inhale a deep breath and try to make myself calm down before I respond.
Just count to three and calm down. Shouting at everyone isn’t doing you or the baby any good.
Only when I feel like I have my anger reined in do I respond. “Nope. I’m fine. Just need a few minutes of peace and quiet before we start shooting the rest of the scene. So, please, spread the word. I don’t want to be bothered right now.”
Silence follows my words, and then, the glorious sound of footsteps walking away from my trailer fills my ears again. Thank everything.
God, how I wish Harrison were here. He’d know how to help me stay calm. He’d know how to help me work through all of this freaking anxiety and frustration and anger and sadness and whatever else that’s commandeered my bloodstream.
Yeah, but you basically told him to fuck off last night, and now he’s not talking to you.
Ugh.
Deep down, I know I’m probably being irrational. I know my pregnancy hormones are most likely just amping everything up, but I can’t seem to stop feeling unsettled and worried and scared.
I don’t know why he didn’t want to talk to me today or why he didn’t want to stop by the set this afternoon, but I also know the kind of man Harrison is. The kind of man he’s been to me. And that man, well, he would probably have a good reason why he didn’t come to set today. You know, like work or something equally important. A reason that he’ll tell me later, when we finally get a chance to talk.
I sure hope you’re right.
I sag farther into the couch and lean my head back and shut my eyes.
If I just rest here for a little bit, I’ll be able to go back out there and get these next two scenes done in a hurry. And the sooner shooting is done for the day, the sooner I can—
“Hello? Raquel?”
My eyes pop open when more knocks to my trailer door echo inside the room.
“It’s Toby,” the very unwelcome visitor announces. “When do you think you’re going to be done with your alone time?”
Oh, what the hell?
“I will be done a hell of a lot sooner if everyone would stop fucking bothering me.”
“So, like, fifteen minutes?”
Why does it feel like everyone and their freaking mother wants something from me right now? Max gave the entire crew forty-five minutes for a dinner break, and by my calculations, that means I have another thirty minutes to go.
“Toby, go away.”
“Twenty minutes?”
“Go away!” I yell. “I told you I don’t want to be bothered right now.”
“But Heidi wants to know when you’ll be ready for another makeup and hair fix. How about I just send in Alejo and Roberta now, and they can do that while—”
“No,” I answer before he even finishes the question. “I asked you to leave. So, leave!”
Unfortunately for me and my sanity, silence does not fill the space after my words.
“Okay…well… Can I get you anything before I go?”
How hard is this to understand? I mean…hell.
“Please just go.” A deep, heavy, exasperated sigh escapes my lungs. “I asked you to go. That’s what I need right now, okay?”
“Oh, okay. Well, let me know if that changes.”
And then, like the skies open up and the heavens shine down upon me…silence.
I shut my eyes again, resting my head on the couch, hopeful that I’ll be able to sneak in a little nap during this break.