Brighter Than the Sun (KGI 11)

“You need to calm down,” Steele said. “The only way I could get Zoe to cooperate and allow me to take her to Maren to get the medical attention she desperately needed was if I swore you wouldn’t see her. I gave her that and I’m not breaking my promise.”

“Give her some time, Joe,” Donovan warned softly. “She’s been through hell. She’s not herself right now, and who can blame her? Be patient. You’ll see her soon.”

“But why won’t she see me?” Joe asked, agony in his voice. “Rusty’s been in there. Now Shea. Is it because I failed her?”

“Sit down before you fall down,” Sam ordered.

Steele sighed. “She doesn’t think she’s good enough for you.”

Joe stumbled back toward one of the chairs and sank down, burying his face in his hands. He was worried out of his mind. A dozen reasons had floated around in his head as to why Zoe was so adamant that he—or anyone else—not see her, the worst of which was that more had happened to her than they were aware of. Never in a million years had he dreamed that she would have the fool-headed notion that she wasn’t good enough for him. He was the one who’d failed to protect her. It was him who’d left her vulnerable to kidnapping and being terrorized by those assholes.

Steele’s jaw was tight with anger. “Look, Zoe’s thinking some pretty fucked-up shit right now, and it has nothing to do with you failing her. Just the opposite. She believes she failed you—all of us. She begged me not to let you see her.”

Joe flinched, unable to breathe through the pain.

“She was ashamed,” Steele said, his expression one of fury. “That woman is convinced that she’s damaged goods. Tainted. Not good enough for you or anyone in this family or organization. The only way I could convince her to let me get her medical help was to promise to take her to Maren. I had to wrap her in a blanket because she was shamed by what some asshole did to her, the bruises and blood on her body and face. I have to tell you, man. I’ve pretty much seen it all during my time in the military and with KGI, but this . . . This makes me fucking sick. You’re going to have to be very careful with her, but at the same time you can’t let her go on thinking that messed-up shit in her head.”

Joe stared at him in shock and in answering fury.

“Not good enough for me? This family?” he choked out. “What the fuck?”

“Look at it from her perspective,” Steele said. “She’s been surrounded by and used by assholes her entire life. Rusty was her first and only friend, and through her, she met all of us and for the first time learned what acceptance—and love—was like. And she thinks that she brought all of this down on our heads. She doesn’t realize if Rusty hadn’t done what she did that she’d be dead. None of you seem to realize that.”

Joe’s brothers exchanged worried glances but remained silent, their expressions ones of regret.

Joe’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t blame Rusty for anything.”

“Not the way it appears to me. More importantly, it’s not the way Rusty sees it either.”

“Fuck!” Joe exploded. “I wasn’t angry at Rusty for helping her. Or even for not breaking Zoe’s confidence. I knew Rusty knew more than she’d let on. We even talked about it. I just wish that she had confided in me once she knew what Zoe was to me, because other than Zoe, she was the only one who knew the kind of danger Zoe faced.”

“All I know is that two women are suffering because both feel like failures and that they aren’t good enough, and that is fucked up and we both know it.”

Steele turned and walked back to where his team was standing, effectively ending the conversation. Joe closed his eyes and reached out to Shea.

Shea, honey, I have to know. How is she? How is she really?

There was a brief pause and then, She’s broken, Joe. She’s despondent and bears the blame for things she had no control over.

Joe could hear the tears in Shea’s voice and it gutted him. He wanted to tell Shea to tell Zoe he loved her, but Zoe deserved to hear those words for the first time from him.

If he could only have the chance.

I don’t know that I ever thanked you for what you did for her, baby girl, but I love you for that.

You have to know I’d do anything for you, Joe. I love her too. She’s good for you. I’ve prayed for someone exactly like her for you. You look good happy and in love.

Keep praying then, Shea. Because I don’t have her . . . yet.

CHAPTER 27

JUST when Joe thought things couldn’t get more difficult in his hope to gain access to Zoe, his mom hurried into the infirmary and was greeted by Maren, who’d just come from the exam room.

His frustration must have been evident because when his mother saw him, her features softened with sympathy and love and she rushed over to enfold him in a hug. He held on to her for a long moment, grief enveloping him like a fog.

“Don’t worry, baby,” his mom whispered. “It’s going to be okay. I promise. I’m taking Zoe home with me. Just give her time. What she needs most right now is time, patience and above all else, love.”

“I do love her, Ma,” he said in an aching voice.

“I know you do. And she loves you. Believe in that and hold on to it. Don’t give up.”

“I’ll never give up on her,” he said fiercely. “Take care of her, Ma. Please.”