“I should’ve told you,” he says. “For that, I’m so goddamn sorry. I was so scared this would ruin us, and it looks like I fucked it up anyway.” He lifts his hat, runs his fingers through his hair, then sets it back on. “I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you. What can I do to fix this?”
Blinking, I stare at his lips, then back to his green eyes. “At this point? Nothing.” My mind’s made up. “If he’s your son, you’ll be talking to her all the time, and what if you start seeing her differently or she starts having feelings for you? I’d constantly feel like I’m getting in the way of you being with your son and you two being a family. Then we all risk getting hurt, and I won’t be the other woman in this scenario. I’m sorry, Adam.” I turn and begin walking down the trail.
“Row,” I hear him say, but I don’t stop. “Rowan, please give me another chance.” I keep moving forward, knowing I can’t turn around because I may not be strong enough to deny his pleas. This is the right thing to do with what’s going on in his life. Leaving him before he can leave me is what has to happen because deep down, it feels inevitable.
As I continue putting one foot in front of the other, tears begin to fall in streams. A week ago, I would’ve never imagined I’d be breaking it off with him, but here we are. From now on, I’ll guard my heart with everything I am and not trust men so easily. Not even those who I’ve known nearly all my life.
Chapter Fifteen
DIESEL
It’s been one week since the paternity test, and the results come right on time. I call Chelsea when I receive them to let her know. Dawson’s mine, but after seeing him in the flesh, there were no doubts. He’s a mini version of me, down to his eye color. When she gets off work later in the day, she calls me back.
“I was thinking that maybe you and Dawson could come out and visit the ranch soon,” I suggest.
There’s silence on the other line.
“Ya there?” I ask.
There’s hesitation in her voice. “Yeah, I just don’t know if that’s a good idea.”
“Chelsea, it’s really important to me. I want him to know my roots, where I grew up, what I do for a living. Who knows, he might enjoy the ranch life much better than the city life anyway.”
“No,” she snaps. “See, this is what I was afraid of, that you’d expect me to uproot my entire life and move away from my family to Texas. Maybe this—”
“Hey. I’m not asking you to move here. I just want you to visit for the weekend. I have a spare bedroom you two can stay in. I’ll show you around the ranch and introduce you to my family and friends. I haven’t told my parents yet, but I know they’re gonna be super excited to know they’re grandparents. They’ll want to spoil him rotten.”
She lets out a ragged breath. “Okay, but we can really only come for a weekend. I’ll have to fly out late Friday afternoon after I get off work and leave Sunday. I don’t have many vacation days left.”
“I understand. Let me know the details, and I’ll be happy to book it for you. And Chelsea?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks for giving me a chance to be his father,” I tell her.
“You’re welcome. Thank you for wanting to be. He deserves a good man in his life.”
“I know you’re concerned about it and probably think me finding out is a mistake, but I’m gonna do the best I can. I really don’t know how to be a parent, but I want my son to know me, and my life, and where he comes from. The last thing I want is for Dawson to grow up thinking he has a deadbeat dad who didn’t want him.” Because I most definitely do.
“I don’t think it was a mistake. But it’s still new for all of us, and I was blindsided by you just showing up. While I want Dawson to get to know you, I need to as well. There’s so much that’s in the dark right now. You’re a stranger to me, Diesel. We had sex three years ago and haven’t spoken or seen each other since. I don’t even remember what we talked about beforehand.”
I laugh. “So you’re saying it wasn’t monumental?”
She snorts. “Oh my God. Men. I’ll look up the flights and let you know.”
“Sounds good,” I tell her. We say our goodbyes, and I end the call, then stare up at the ceiling of the kitchen. My life is a goddamn mess.
Instead of staying home, I decide to go to the B&B and see what Maize cooked for dinner. I’m starving, and her food is the best in all of Eldorado. Well, after Grandma Bishop’s.