I lean against the railing of the front porch and look out at the bright blue sky and fluffy cotton-looking clouds.
My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I see it’s a text from Trace. We had planned a few months ago to get together and our schedules never really synced. I appreciate how he’s not so pushy and gives me my space. Then again, I do like a pushy man. Diesel’s a prime example of that.
Trace: Hey you! You got plans this weekend?
I laugh and shake my head. Is this the way it’s supposed to be? I look up at the sky again, waiting for some sort of sign, but I’m given nothing. Maybe I’m supposed to be with Trace, and Diesel’s supposed to be with Chelsea, or maybe I’ve quite possibly completely lost my mind over all of this.
Maize comes outside, looking at me incredulously. “You good?”
She’s suspected something has been going on between Diesel and me for a while but hasn’t asked about it. I’m praying she doesn’t, either, because I’m not emotionally stable to have that conversation right now.
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
She shrugs and doesn’t push the conversation, thankfully.
“I need to get ready for work tonight, so Mom needs to stop gabbing and take me home.”
“Good luck with that,” Maize says, and before walking back inside, she stops. “You know you can tell me anything. I won’t judge you or say a peep.”
I search her face, and my expression softens. “I know. Thanks.”
“I’ve noticed how different you’ve been. I saw you leaving the barn with Diesel, and I can’t deny how things changed between you two. You’re one of my very best friends, Rowan. I know you inside and out.”
I let out a ragged breath, not wanting to completely crumple, but I don’t feel like I can hold it in anymore. “I’m in love with him. Stupidly in love with him. And now he has a kid and might as well have a wife. They already look like the perfect little family.”
She searches my face but doesn’t seem shocked. “Does he know this? Have you told him?”
“I mean, sorta. Not in those exact words, but he knows I have feelings for him. We were sneaking around before the news broke about Dawson and Chelsea,” I admit.
Maize sighs and frowns. “He’s been in love with you since the beginning of time, Rowan. Everyone knows this. Even Riley as much as he wants to deny it. I’m actually relieved you have finally pulled the blinders back and see what’s been right in front of you for so damn long.” She smiles.
I’m shocked. Speechless, actually. I open my mouth and close it, which causes Maize to laugh.
“All those years, he threatened every guy to stay away from you, and you never noticed he wasn’t interested in anyone else. He’s been waiting for you for years,” Maize tells me.
I adjust my ponytail. “I don’t know what to do, Maze. I have no idea. I feel completely lost even though he’s spilled his heart to me and told me how he feels. He wants us to be together forever and already talks about what our future will be. ”
She places her hand on my back. “Then what the hell are you waiting for? Sounds like everything you’ve ever wanted.”
I shrug and laugh as a tear falls down my cheek. “A sign?”
“If you’re looking for a sign, you found it. Here it is.” She places her palm over my racing heart. “You need to go for it so you don’t look back years from now and regret not being with a man who will treat you like the queen you are and worship the ground you walk on. Hell, he already does that,” Maize says matter-of-factly. “I’m actually quite jealous.” She smirks.
Before I can respond, my mother opens the door and steps outside. “Ready?”
“Yep, sure am.” I wipe my face and tuck my emotions back inside.
Maize gives me a big hug and whispers in my ear, “Follow your instincts. They’ll always lead you to where you’re supposed to go.”
I pull away from her and smile appreciatively. “I love you.”
“I am your favorite cousin for a reason, you know.” She snickers, then walks inside.
Mom and I get into the car, then she drives us home. “Apparently, Maize is making homemade blueberry pies tonight. You should ask her to make an extra one for you and bring it home for me and your dad,” Mom suggests with a wink.
“Nope. I’m not gonna make her head explode. You’ll have to ask her yourself,” I tell her as we park in the driveway. I get out and walk to my room, then send Diesel a text.
Rowan: Your kid is the cutest. He must take after his dad.
I don’t expect him to reply immediately because he’s currently being Bishop bombarded, but I know he will later. I change into something more comfortable and get ready for my shift tonight with a totally different outlook on this situation. Maybe I should’ve opened up to Maize much sooner instead of keeping it a secret. Or maybe I had to realize how much Diesel really meant to me before I could accept that we really have a future together. Either way, I’m looking forward to telling him exactly how I feel and apologizing for ever doubting him. Then again, that’s what a broken heart will do to a woman.