Safe Haven

The food was delicious, a welcome change from her recent austere diet. The sky remained clear, the blue expanse broken only by an occasional seabird passing overhead. The breeze rose and fell, enough to keep them cool, and the steady rhythm of the waves added to the sense of calm.

When they finished eating, Josh and Kristen helped clear the table and pack away the uneaten items. A few items that wouldn't spoil--the pickles and the chips--were left on the table. The kids wanted to go boogie boarding, and after Alex reapplied their suntan lotion, he slipped off his shirt and followed them into the waves.

Katie carried her chair to the water's edge and spent the next hour watching as he helped the kids through the breakers, moving one and then the other into position to catch the waves. The kids were squealing with delight, obviously having the time of their lives. She marveled at the way Alex was able to make each of them feel like the center of attention. There was a tenderness in the way he treated them, a depth of patience that she hadn't quite expected. As the afternoon wore on and the clouds began to drift in, she found herself smiling at the thought that for the first time in many years, she felt completely relaxed. And not only that, she knew she was having as much fun as the kids.

11

After they got out of the water, Kristen declared that she was cold and Alex led her to the bathroom to help her change into dry clothes. Katie stayed with Josh on the blanket, admiring the way the sunlight rippled on the water while Josh scooped sand into little piles.

"Hey, do you want to help me fly my kite?" Josh suddenly asked.

"I don't know that I've ever flown a kite before..."

"It's easy," he insisted, digging around in the pile of toys Alex had brought and pulling out a small kite. "I can show you how. C'mon."

He took off running down the beach, and Katie jogged a few steps before settling back into a brisk walk. By the time she reached him, he was already beginning to unwind the string and he handed her the kite. "Just hold this above your head, okay?"

She nodded as Josh started to back up slowly, continuing to loosen the string with practiced ease.

"Are you ready?" he shouted as he finally came to a stop. "When I take off running and yell, just let go!"

"I'm ready!" she shouted back.

Josh started running, and when Katie felt the tension in the kite and heard him shout, she released it immediately. She wasn't sure the breeze was strong enough, but the kite shot straight to the sky within seconds. Josh stopped and turned around. As she walked toward him, he let out even more line.

Reaching his side, she shielded her eyes from the sun as she watched the slowly rising kite. Black and yellow, the distinctive Batman logo was visible even from a distance.

"I'm pretty good at flying kites," he said, staring up at it. "How come you've never flown one?"

"I don't know. It just wasn't something I did as a kid."

"You should have. It's fun."

Josh continued to stare upward, his face a mask of concentration. For the first time, Katie noticed how much Josh and Kristen looked alike.

"How do you like school? You're in kindergarten, right?"

"It's okay. I like recess best. We have races and stuff."

Of course, she thought. Since they had arrived at the beach, he'd barely stopped moving. "Is your teacher nice?"

"She's really nice. She's kind of like my dad. She doesn't yell or anything."

"Your dad doesn't yell?"

"No," he said with great conviction.

"What does he do when he gets mad?"

"He doesn't get mad."

Katie studied Josh, wondering if he was serious before realizing that he was.

"Do you have a lot of friends?" he asked.

"Not too many. Why?"

"Because my dad says that you're his friend. That's why he brought you to the beach."

"When did he say that?"

"When we were in the waves."

"What else did he say?"

"He asked us if it bothered us that you came."

"Does it?"

"Why should it?" He shrugged. "Everybody needs friends, and the beach is fun."

No argument there. "You're right," she said.

"My mom used to come with us out here, you know."

"She did?"

"Yeah, but she died."

"I know. And I'm sorry. That must be hard. You must miss her very much."

He nodded and for an instant, he looked both older and younger than his age. "My dad gets sad sometimes. He doesn't think I know, but I can tell."

"I'd be sad, too."

He was quiet as he thought about her answer. "Thanks for helping me with my kite," he said.

"You two seemed to be having a good time," Alex observed.

After Kristen had changed, Alex helped her get her kite in the air and then went to stand with Katie on the compact sand near the water's edge. Katie could feel her hair moving slightly in the breeze.

"He's sweet. And more talkative than I thought he'd be."

As Alex watched his kids managing their kites, she had the sense that his eyes missed nothing.

"So this is what you do on weekends after you leave the store. You spend time with the kids?"

"Always," he said. "I think it's important."

"Even though it sounds like your parents felt differently?"

He hesitated. "That would be the easy answer, right? I felt slighted somehow and made a promise to myself to be different? It sounds good, but I don't know if it's totally accurate. The truth is that I spend time with them because I enjoy it. I enjoy them. I like watching them grow up and I want to be part of that."

As he answered, Katie found herself remembering her own childhood, trying and failing to imagine either of her parents echoing Alex's sentiments.

"Why did you join the army after you got out of school?"

"At the time, I thought it was the right thing to do. I was up for a new challenge, I wanted to try something different, and joining gave me an excuse to leave Washington. With the exception of a couple of swim meets here and there, I'd never even left the state."

"Did you ever see... ?"

When she trailed off, he finished her sentence. "Combat? No, I wasn't that kind of army. I was a criminal justice major in college and I ended up in CID."

"What's that?"

When he told her, she turned toward him. "Like the police?"

He nodded. "I was a detective," he said.

Katie said nothing. Instead, she turned away abruptly, her face closing down like a gate slamming shut.

"Did I say something wrong?" he asked.

She shook her head without answering. Alex stared at her, wondering what was going on. His suspicions about her past surfaced almost immediately.

"What's going on, Katie?"

"Nothing," she insisted, but as soon as the word came out, he knew she wasn't telling the truth. In another place and time, he would have followed up with another question, but instead, he let it drop.

"We don't have to talk about it," he said quietly. "And besides, it's not who I am anymore. Believe me when I say I'm a lot happier running a general store."

She nodded, but he sensed a trace of lingering anxiety. He could tell she needed space, even if he wasn't sure why. He motioned over his shoulder with his thumb. "Listen, I forgot to add more briquettes to the grill. If the kids don't get their s'mores, I'll never hear the end of it. I'll be right back, okay?"

"Sure," she answered, feigning nonchalance. When he jogged off, Katie exhaled, feeling like she'd somehow escaped. He used to be a police officer, she thought to herself, and she tried to tell herself that it didn't matter. Even so, it took almost a minute of steady breathing before she felt somewhat in control again. Kristen and Josh were in the same places, though Kristen had bent over to examine another seashell, ignoring her soaring kite.

She heard Alex approaching behind her.

"Told you it wouldn't take long," he said easily. "After we e

at the s'mores, I was thinking about calling it a day. I'd love to stay out until the sun sets, but Josh has school tomorrow."

"Whenever you want to go is fine with me," she said, crossing her arms.

Noting her rigid shoulders and the tight way she'd spoken the words, he furrowed his brow. "I'm not sure what I said that bothered you, but I'm sorry, okay?" he finally said. "Just know that I'm here if you want to talk about it."

She nodded without answering, and though Alex waited for more, there was nothing. "Is this the way it's going to be with us?" he asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I feel like I'm suddenly walking on eggshells around you, but I don't know why."

"I'd tell you but I can't," she said. Her voice was almost inaudible over the sound of the waves.

"Can you at least tell me what I said? Or what I did?"

She turned toward him. "You didn't say or do anything wrong. But right now, I can't say any more than that, okay?"

He studied her. "Okay," he said. "As long as you're still having a good time."

It took some effort, but she finally managed a smile. "This is the best day I've spent in a long time. Best weekend in fact."

"You're still mad about the bike, aren't you?" he said, narrowing his eyes in mock suspicion. Despite the tension she felt, she laughed.

"Of course. It's going to take a long time for me to recover from that," she said, pretending to pout.

Turning his gaze to the horizon, he seemed relieved.

"Can I ask you something?" Katie asked, turning serious again. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

"Anything," he said.

"What happened to your wife? You said she had a seizure, but you haven't told me why she was sick."

He sighed, as if he'd known all along she was going to ask but still had to steel himself to answer. "She had a brain tumor," he began slowly. "Or, more accurately, she had three different types of brain tumors. I didn't know it then, but I learned that's fairly common. The one that was slow-growing was just what you'd think; it was about the size of an egg and the surgeons were able to take most of it out. But the other tumors weren't so simple. They were the kind of tumors that spread like spider legs, and there was no way to remove them without removing part of her brain. They were aggressive, too. The doctors did the best they could, but even when they walked out of surgery and told me that it had gone as well as it could, I knew exactly what they meant."

"I can't imagine hearing something like that." She stared down at the sand.

"I admit I had trouble believing it. It was so... unexpected. I mean, the week before, we were a normal family, and the next thing I knew, she was dying and there was nothing I could do to stop it."

Off to the side, Kristen and Josh were still concentrating on their kites but Katie knew that Alex could barely see them.

"After surgery, it took a few weeks for her to get back on her feet and I wanted to believe that things were okay. But after that, week by week, I began to notice little changes. The left side of her body started to get weaker and she was taking longer and longer naps. It was hard, but the worst part for me was that she began to pull away from the kids. Like she didn't want them to remember her being sick; she wanted them to remember the way she used to be." He paused before finally shaking his head. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you that. She was a great mom. I mean, look how well they're turning out."

"I think their father has something to do with that, too."

"I try. But half the time, it doesn't feel like I know what I'm doing. It's like I'm faking it."

"I think all parents feel like that."

He turned toward her. "Did yours?"

She hesitated. "I think my parents did the best they could." Not a ringing endorsement, but the truth.

"Are you close with them?"

"They died in a car accident when I was nineteen."

He stared at her. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"It was tough," Katie said.

"Do you have any brothers and sisters?"

"No," she said. She turned toward the water. "It's just me."

A few minutes later, Alex helped the kids reel in their kites and they headed back to the picnic area. The coals weren't quite ready and Alex used the time to rinse the boogie boards and shake sand from the towels before pulling out what he needed for the s'mores.

Kristen and Josh helped pack up most of their things and Katie put the rest of the food back into the cooler while Alex began ferrying items to the jeep. By the time he was finished, only a blanket and four chairs remained. The kids had arranged them in a circle while Alex handed out long prongs and the bag of marshmallows. In his excitement, Josh ripped it open, spilling a small pile onto the blanket.

Following the kids' lead, Katie pushed three marshmallows onto the prong and the four of them stood over the grill, twirling the prongs, while the sugary puffs turned golden brown. Katie held hers a little too close to the heat and two of the marshmallows caught on fire, which Alex quickly blew out.

When they were ready, Alex helped the kids finish the treat: chocolate on the graham cracker, followed by the marshmallow and topped with another cracker. It was sticky and sweet and the best thing Katie had eaten in as long as she could remember.

Sitting between his kids, she noticed Alex struggling with his crumbling s'more, making a mess, and when he used his fingers to wipe his mouth, it made matters only worse. The kids found it hilarious, and Katie couldn't help giggling as well, and she felt a sudden, unexpected surge of hope. Despite the tragedy they'd all gone through, this was what a happy family looked like; this, she thought, is what a loving family did when they were together. For them, it was nothing but an ordinary day on an ordinary weekend, but for her, there was something revelatory about the notion that wonderful moments like these existed. And that maybe, just maybe, it would be possible for her to experience similar days in the future.

12

Then what happened?"

Jo was sitting across from her at the table, the kitchen glowing yellow, illuminated only by the light above the stove. After Katie had returned, she'd come over, specks of paint in her hair. Katie had started a pot of coffee and two cups were on the table.

"Nothing, really. After finishing the s'mores, we walked down the beach one last time, then got in the car and drove home."

"Did he walk you to the door?"

"Yes."

"Did you invite him in?"

"He had to get the kids back home."

"Did you kiss him good night?"

"Of course not."

"Why not?"

"Weren't you listening? He was bringing his kids to the beach and he invited me along. It wasn't a date."

Jo raised her coffee cup. "It sounds like a date."

"It was a family day."

Jo considered that. "It sounded like the two of you spent a lot of time talking."

Katie leaned back in her chair. "I think you wanted it to be a date."

"Why would I want that?"

"I have no idea. But ever since we've met, in every conversation, you bring him up somehow. It's like you've been trying to... I don't know. Make sure I notice him."

Jo swirled the contents of her cup before setting it back on the table. "And have you?"

Katie threw up her hands. "See what I mean?"

Jo laughed before shaking her head. "All right. How about this?" She hesitated, then went on. "I've met a lot of people, and over time I've developed instincts that I've learned to trust. As we both know, Alex is a great guy, and once I got to know you, I felt the same way about you. Other than that, I haven't done anything more than tease you about it. It's not like I dragged you to the store and introduced the two of you. Nor was I around when he asked you to go to the beach, an invitation you were more than willing to accept."

"Kristen asked me to go..."

"I know. You told me that," Jo said, arching an eyebrow. "And I'm sure that's the only reason you wen

t."

Katie scowled. "You have a funny way of twisting things around."

Jo laughed again. "Did you ever think that it's because I'm envious? Oh, not that you went with Alex, but that you got to go to the beach on a perfect day, while I was stuck inside painting... for the second day in a row? If I never touch a paint roller again in my life, it'll still be too soon. My arms and shoulders are sore."

Katie stood up from the table and went to the counter. She poured another cup of coffee for herself and held up the pot. "More?"

"No, thank you. I need to sleep tonight and the caffeine would keep me up. I think I'm going to order some Chinese food. You want any?"

"I'm not hungry," Katie said. "I ate too much today."

"I don't think that's possible. But you did get a lot of sun. It looks good on you, even if it'll lead to wrinkles later."

Katie snorted. "Thanks for that."

"What are friends for?" Jo stood and gave a catlike stretch. "And listen, I had a good time last night. Although, I have to admit, I paid for it this morning."

"It was fun," Katie agreed.

Jo took a couple of steps before turning around. "Oh, I forgot to ask you. Are you going to keep the bike?"

"Yes," Katie said.

Jo thought about it. "Good for you."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Just that I don't think you should give it back. You obviously need it and he wanted you to have it. Why shouldn't you keep it?" She shrugged. "Your problem is that you sometimes read too much into things."

"Like with my manipulative friend?"

"Do you really think I'm manipulative?"

Katie thought about it. "Maybe a little."

Jo smiled. "So what's your schedule like this week? Are you working a lot?"

Katie nodded. "Six nights and three days."

Jo made a face. "Yuck."

"It's okay. I need the money and I'm used to it."

"And, of course, you had a great weekend."

Katie paused. "Yeah," she said. "I did."

13

The next few days passed uneventfully, which only made them feel longer to Alex. He hadn't spoken to Katie since he'd dropped her off on Sunday evening. It wasn't completely unexpected, since he knew she was working a lot this week, but more than once he found himself wandering out of the store and staring up the road, feeling vaguely disappointed when he didn't see her.