The Best of Me

Marilyn Bonner worried about Alan.

Not all the time, of course, and she did her best to keep her worries in check. He was an adult, after all, and she knew he was old enough to make his own decisions. But she was his mother, and Alan's primary problem as she saw it was that he always opted for the easy path, which led to nowhere, instead of the more challenging path that had a chance of turning out better. It bothered her that he lived his life more like a teenager than someone who was twenty-seven years old. Last night, when she'd dropped by his double-wide, he'd been playing a video game, and his first reaction had been to ask whether she wanted to give it a try. As she stood there in the doorway, she'd found herself wondering how she could have raised a son who didn't seem to know her in the slightest.

Still, she knew it could be worse. A lot worse. The bottom line was that Alan had turned out okay. He was kind and had a job and never got into trouble, and that was pretty good, in this day and age. Say what you want, but she read the papers and heard the scuttlebutt around town. She knew that a lot of his friends, young men she'd known since they were boys, even some from the better families, had descended into drug use or drank too much or even ended up in prison. It made sense, considering where they lived. Too many people glorified small-town America, making it seem like a Norman Rockwell painting, but the reality was something else entirely. With the exception of doctors and lawyers or people who owned their own businesses, there were no high-paying jobs in Oriental, or in any other small town for that matter. And while it was in many ways an ideal place to raise young children, there was little for young adults to aspire to. There weren't, nor would there ever be, middle management positions in small towns, nor was there much to do on the weekends, or even new people to meet. Why Alan still wanted to live here was beyond her, but as long as he was happy and paid his own way in the world, she was willing to make things a bit easier for him, even if that meant she'd had to buy a double-wide a stone's throw from the farmhouse to get him started off in life.

No, she didn't have any illusions about the kind of town Oriental was. In that way, she wasn't like the other blue bloods in town, but then losing a husband as a young mother of two tended to adjust your perspective. Being a Bennett and having attended UNC didn't stop the bankers from trying to foreclose on the orchard. Nor did her family name or connections help her support her struggling family. Even her fancy economics degree from UNC didn't buy her a pass.

In the end, everything came down to money. It came down to what a person actually did, as opposed to who they thought they were, which was why she couldn't stomach the Oriental status quo anymore. These days, she'd hire a hardworking immigrant over a UNC or Duke society belle who believed that the world owed her a good living. The very notion probably struck people like Evelyn Collier or Eugenia Wilcox as blasphemous, but she'd long since come to view Evelyn and Eugenia and their ilk as dinosaurs, clinging to a world that no longer existed. At a recent town meeting, she'd even said as much. In the past it would have caused a commotion, but Marilyn's was one of the few businesses in town that was actually expanding, and there was nothing much anyone could say--including Evelyn Collier and Eugenia Wilcox.

In the years since David had died, she'd come to treasure her hard-won independence. She'd learned to trust her instincts, and she had to admit that she liked being in control of her own life, without anyone's expectations getting in the way. She supposed that was why she'd rejected Leo's repeated marriage proposals. An accountant in Morehead City, he was smart, well-to-do, and she enjoyed spending time with him. Most important, he respected her, and the kids had always adored him. Emily and Alan couldn't understand why she kept saying no.

But Leo knew she'd always say no, and that was okay with him, because the truth was they were both comfortable with the way things were. They'd probably see a movie tomorrow night, and on Sunday she'd attend church and then visit the cemetery to pay her respects to David, as she'd done every weekend for nearly a quarter century. She'd meet Leo later for dinner. In her own way, she loved him. It might not be the kind of love that others understood, but that didn't matter. What she and Leo had was good enough for both of them.

Halfway across town, Amanda was drinking coffee at the kitchen table and doing her best to ignore her mother's pointed silence. The night before, after Amanda had come in, her mom had been waiting in the parlor, and even before Amanda had the chance to sit down, the questions had begun.

Where have you been? Why are you so late? Why didn't you call?

I did call, Amanda reminded her, but instead of being drawn into the incriminating conversation her mom obviously wanted, Amanda mumbled that she had a headache and that what she really needed to do was lie down in her room. If her mother's demeanor this morning was any indication, she was obviously displeased by that. Aside from a quick good morning as she'd entered the kitchen, her mom had said nothing. Instead, she went straight to the toaster, and after punctuating her silence with a sigh, she popped some bread in. As it was browning, her mom sighed again, a little louder this time.

I get it, Amanda wanted to say. You're upset. Are you done now? Instead, she sipped her coffee, resolving that no matter how many buttons her mom pressed, she wouldn't be drawn into an argument.

Amanda heard the toast pop up. Her mother opened the drawer and pulled out a knife before closing it with a rattle. She began to butter her toast.

"Are you feeling any better?" her mom finally asked without turning around.

"Yes, thank you."

"Are you ready to tell me what's going on? Or where you were?"

"I told you, I had a late start." Amanda tried her best to keep her voice even.

"I tried to call you, but I kept getting your voice mail."

"My battery died." That lie had come to her last night, on her way over. Her mom was nothing if not predictable.

Her mother picked up her plate. "Is that why you never called Frank?"

"I talked to him yesterday, about an hour after he got home from work." She picked up the morning paper, scanning the headlines with studied nonchalance.

"Well, he also called here."

"And?"

"He was surprised you hadn't arrived yet," Amanda's mother sniffed. "He said that as far as he knew, you left around two."

"I had to run some errands before I left," she said. The lies came way too easily, she thought, but then she'd had a lot of practice.

"He sounded upset."

No, he sounded like he was drinking, Amanda thought, and I doubt if he'll even remember. She got up from the table and refilled her cup of coffee. "I'll call him later."

Her mother took a seat. "I was invited to play bridge last night."

So that's what this was about, Amanda thought. Or at least part of it, anyway. Her mom was addicted to the game and had been playing with the same group of women for almost thirty years. "You should have gone."

"I couldn't, because I knew you were coming and I thought we'd have dinner together." Her mother sat down stiffly. "Eugenia Wilcox had to fill in for me."

Eugenia Wilcox lived just down the street, in another historic mansion that was as gorgeous as Evelyn's. Though they supposedly were friends--her mom and Eugenia had known each other all their lives--there'd always been an unspoken rivalry between the two of them, encompassing who had the better house and the better garden and everything in between, including which of them made the better red velvet cake.

"I'm sorry, Mom," Amanda said, sitting back down again. "I should have called you earlier."

"Eugenia doesn't know the first thing about bidding and it ruined the entire game. Martha Ann already called and complained to me about it. But anyway, I told her that you were in town and one thing led to another and she invited us over for dinner tonight."

Amanda frowned and put down her coffee cup. "You didn't say yes, did you?"

"Of course I did."

An image of Dawson flashed in her mind. "I don't know if I'm going to have time," she

improvised. "There might be a wake tonight."

"There might be a wake? What does that mean? Either there's a wake or there isn't one."

"I mean that I'm not sure if there is one. When the lawyer called, he didn't give me any specifics about the funeral."

"That's kind of strange, isn't it? That he wouldn't tell you anything?"

Maybe, Amanda thought. But no stranger than Tuck arranging for Dawson and me to have dinner at his house last night. "I'm sure he's just doing what Tuck wanted."

At the mention of Tuck's name, her mom fingered the pearl necklace she was wearing. Amanda had never known her to leave the bedroom without makeup and jewelry, and this morning was no exception. Evelyn Collier had always embodied the spirit of the Old South and would no doubt continue to until the day she died.

"I still don't understand why you had to come back for this. It's not as if you really knew the man."

"I knew him, Mom."

"Years ago. I mean, it's one thing if you were still living here in town. Maybe then I could understand it. But there was no reason to make a special trip down here for it."

"I came to pay my respects."

"He didn't have the best reputation, you know. A lot of people thought he was crazy. And what am I supposed to say to my friends about why you're here?"

"I don't know why you have to say anything."

"Because they're going to ask why you're here," she said.

"Why would they ask?"

"Because they find you interesting."

Amanda heard something in her mother's tone she didn't quite understand. As she tried to figure it out, she added some cream to her coffee. "I didn't realize I was such a hot topic of conversation," she remarked.

"It's really not that surprising if you think about it. You hardly ever bring Frank or the kids with you anymore. I can't help it if they find it strange."

"We've gone over this before," Amanda said, unable to hide her exasperation. "Frank works and the kids are in school, but that doesn't mean that I can't come. Sometimes, daughters do that. They go visit their mother."

"And sometimes, they don't see their mother at all. That's what they really find interesting, if you want to know the truth."

"What are you talking about?" Amanda narrowed her eyes.

"I'm talking about the fact that you come to Oriental when you know I won't be around. And that you stay in my house, without so much as even letting me know about it." She didn't bother to disguise her hostility before going on. "You didn't realize that I knew about it, did you? Like when I went on the cruise last year? Or when I went to visit my sister in Charleston the year before that? It's a small town, Amanda. People saw you. My friends saw you. What I don't understand is why you believed I wouldn't find out."

"Mom--"

"Don't," she said, raising a perfectly manicured hand. "I know exactly why you came. I might be older, but that doesn't mean I'm senile. Why else would you be here for the funeral? It's obvious you came here to see him. And that's where you went all those times you told me that you were going shopping, am I correct? Or when you said you were visiting your friend at the beach? You've been lying to me all along."

Amanda dropped her gaze and said nothing. There was really nothing she could say. In the silence, she heard a sigh. When her mom finally went on, her voice had lost its edge.

"You know what? I've been lying for you, too, Amanda, and I'm tired of it. But I'm still your mother and you can talk to me."

"Yes, Mom." In her voice she heard the petulant echo of her teenage self and hated herself for it.

"Is something going on with the kids that I should know about?"

"No. The kids are great."

"Is it Frank?"

Amanda rotated the handle on her coffee cup to the opposite side.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked.

"No." Amanda's voice was flat.

"Is there anything I can do?"

"No," she said again.

"What's going on with you, Amanda?"

For some reason, the question made her think about Dawson, and for an instant she was back in Tuck's kitchen, basking in Dawson's attention. And she knew then that she wanted nothing more than to see him again, no matter what the consequences.

"I don't know," she finally murmured. "I wish I did, but I don't."

After Amanda went up to shower, Evelyn Collier stood on the back porch, staring at the fine layer of mist that hovered over the river. Normally, it was one of her favorite times of the day and had been, ever since she was a girl. Back then, she hadn't lived on the river; she'd lived near the mill her father owned, but on weekends she used to wander out to the bridge, where she sometimes sat for hours, watching the sun gradually dissipate the mist. Harvey had known she'd always wanted to live on the river, and it was the reason he'd bought the house only a few months after they'd been married. Of course, he'd bought it from his father for a song--the Colliers owned a lot of property back then--so it hadn't been a terrible stretch for him, but that wasn't important. What was important was that he'd cared, and she wished he were still around, if only to talk to him about Amanda. Who on earth knew what was going on with her these days? But then Amanda had always been a mystery, even as a girl. She had her own ideas about things, and from the time she could walk she'd always been as stubborn as a warped door on a humid summer day. If her mom told her to stay close, Amanda would wander off the first chance she got; if she told Amanda to wear something pretty, Amanda would skip down the steps wearing something from the back of the closet. When she was very young it had been somewhat possible to keep Amanda under control and on the right track. She was a Collier, after all, and people had expectations. But once Amanda became a teenager? Lord knows, it was like the devil had gotten into her. First Dawson Cole--a Cole!--and then the lies and sneaking out and the endless moodiness and fresh responses whenever she tried to talk some sense into her daughter. Evelyn's hair actually began to turn gray from the stress, and though Amanda didn't know it, if it wasn't for a steady supply of bourbon, she wasn't sure how she would have made it through those awful years.

Once they'd managed to separate her from the Cole boy and Amanda went off to college, things started to improve. There were some good, solid years, and the grandchildren were a delight, of course. Sad about the baby girl, just a toddler and a beautiful creature, but the Lord never promised anyone a life without tribulation. Why, she'd had a miscarriage herself a year before Amanda was born. Still, she was pleased that Amanda had been able to get back up on her horse after a respectable period of time--Lord knows the family needed her--and even take up some noteworthy charity work. Evelyn would have preferred something a little less taxing, like the Junior League, perhaps, but Duke University Hospital was still a fine institution, and she didn't mind telling her friends about the fund-raising luncheons Amanda hosted, or even her volunteer work there.

Recently, Amanda seemed to be slipping back into her old ways--lying like a teenager, of all things! Oh, they'd never been all that close, and she'd long resigned herself to the fact that they probably never would be. It was a myth that every mother and daughter were best friends, but friendship was far less important than family. Friends came and went; family was always there. No, they didn't really confide in each other, but confiding was often just another word for complaining, which was usually a waste of time. Life was messy. Always had been and always would be and that was just the way it was, so why bother complaining? You either did something about it or you didn't, and then you lived with the choice you made.

It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that Amanda and Frank were having problems. She hadn't seen much of Frank in recent years, since Amanda usually came alone, and she did recall that he liked his beer a little too much. Then again, Amanda's own father had been awfully fond of his bourbon, and no marriage was entirely blissful. There'd been years when she could barely stand the sight of Harvey, let alone want to stay married to him. If Amanda had asked,

Evelyn would have admitted that, and she also would have reminded her daughter in the same breath that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. What the younger generation didn't understand was that the grass was greenest where it's watered, which meant that both Frank and Amanda had to get out their hoses if they wanted to make things better. But Amanda hadn't asked.

Which was a shame, because Evelyn could tell that Amanda was only adding more problems to an already troubled marriage--the lying was part of that. Because Amanda had been lying to her mom, it wasn't hard to surmise that she'd been lying to Frank as well. And once the lies started, where did they end? Evelyn wasn't sure, but Amanda was obviously confused, and people made mistakes when they were confused. Which meant, of course, that she'd have to be extra vigilant this weekend, whether Amanda liked it or not.

Dawson was back in town.

Ted Cole was standing on the front steps of the shack, smoking a cigarette and idly staring at the meat trees, which is what he always called them when the boys came back from hunting. A pair of deer carcasses, gutted and skinned, was strung up on sagging branches, and flies were buzzing and crawling over the flesh while the innards pooled in the dirt below.

The morning breeze made the rotting torsos rotate slightly, and Ted took another long drag on his cigarette. He'd seen Dawson, and he knew that Abee had seen him, too. But Abee had lied about it, which pissed him off almost as much as Dawson's bold-as-you-please appearance did.

He was getting a little tired of his brother, Abee. Tired of being ordered around, of wondering where all the family money was going. The time was coming when old Abee just might find himself staring down the wrong end of the Glock. His dear brother had been slipping lately. The guy with the box cutter had nearly killed him, something that never would have happened even a few years ago. It wouldn't have happened had Ted been there, but Abee hadn't told him what he'd been planning, and that was just another sign that Abee was getting careless. That new girl of his had him all twisted up--Candy, or Cammie, or whatever the hell she called herself. Yeah, she had a pretty face and a body that Ted wouldn't mind taking some time to explore, but she was a woman and the rules were simple: You wanted something from them, you got it, and if they got angry or gave you lip, you showed them the error of their ways. Might take a few lessons, but in the end all women came around. Abee seemed to have forgotten all that.