See Me

As if sensing his thoughts, she met his gaze and smiled slightly before stretching her hands across the table. He took them in his, marveling at their softness and warmth.

"It's a gorgeous night, don't you think?" she asked.

"Gorgeous," he answered, but he knew that he was really referring to her. Sitting across from her, Colin had the strange feeling that he was living someone else's blessed life, someone more deserving than he. And by the end of dinner, after all the dishes had been cleared and the wineglasses emptied and the candles were flickering out, it dawned on him that he'd spent his entire life searching for Maria, and only recently been lucky enough to find her.

CHAPTER 12

Maria

The warehouse was located in a run-down neighborhood on the outskirts of town, and the only hint that it served a different purpose than any of the other abandoned warehouses nearby was the scores of cars parked haphazardly on the far side of the building, out of sight from the main road.

Not that its sketchy vibe seemed to matter. In addition to the crowd already inside, there was a long line of people--almost exclusively male--still waiting to get in. Many were dragging coolers, no doubt filled with alcohol; others drank beer or sipped from plastic cups as they slowly edged toward the entrance and the music blaring within. Unless they were with a date, girls didn't have to wait in line, and Maria watched as one group after the next cheerfully marched toward the door in tight tops, short skirts, and stiletto heels, ignoring the litter-strewn surroundings, whistles, and catcalls.

Colin appeared relaxed, taking it all in quietly. When they reached the door, they were met by a heavyset man in sunglasses who was collecting the cover charge. The bouncer studied Colin up and down--no doubt trying to decide whether he was with law enforcement--then did the same to Maria before reluctantly taking the bills Colin was offering and nodding toward the door.

Inside, they encountered a solid mass of swaying bodies, and with the booming music, the place shook with a vibrant, barely contained energy. No one seemed to care about the oil-stained concrete floor or the lack of decor or the industrial-grade lighting; guys were clustered around their coolers, drinking and shouting to be heard above the music, trying to get the attention of any girl who happened to pass by. Like at most nightclubs, men clearly outnumbered women, and most appeared to be in their twenties or thirties. Maria presumed that the vast majority were working people out for a fun Saturday night. There were, as Serena had noted, some pretty scary-looking guys here, too, with tattoos and bandannas representing various gangs and wearing baggy pants that could easily conceal a weapon. Ordinarily that would have made her nervous, but the atmosphere indicated that most people were simply focused on having a good time. All the same, she found herself scouting out possible exits in case trouble broke out.

Beside her, Colin was also taking in the scene. He leaned toward her ear. "Would you like to move closer to the music?"

She nodded, and Colin began leading her deeper into the warehouse. They squeezed through the crowd, careful not to bump too hard into anyone, and inched their way to the dance area on the far side of the building, the music pulsing ever louder. Along the way, guys tried to get Maria's attention--demanding her name or commenting on her beauty or even trying to pinch her butt--but afraid to give Colin any reason for confrontation, she merely scowled at them in silence.

The dance floor was separated from the rest of the warehouse by a makeshift barrier of two-by-fours nailed together and fastened across metal barrels. Directly opposite them, on pallets stacked against the back wall, was the DJ, his equipment arranged on a fold-out table. He was flanked by two speakers the size of refrigerators. The music was loud enough to make Maria's chest thump. On the floor, she watched couples move and spin, triggering in her a surge of memories from a time when life seemed more carefree.

Leaning closer to Colin, she could smell the cologne he must have put on earlier.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?"

"Yes," he said, moving past the barrier.

Before she knew it, they were surrounded by couples. She was about to tell Colin what to do when he suddenly took her right hand in his left and placed his right hand on her left shoulder blade. And with that, he began to lead her, his steps moving in unison with hers as the music surged around them. Her eyes widened, and when he led her through a perfectly executed spin, followed almost immediately by a second, she was too shocked to say anything at all. Colin merely raised his eyebrows in amusement, making her laugh aloud. And little by little, as one song rolled into the next, she felt herself beginning to let go, losing herself in the music, and in him.

It was past midnight when they finally left the jammed warehouse and drove back to her condo. Neither of them said much, both feeling warm and slightly flushed as they navigated the quiet streets. Like he had for much of the past few hours, Colin held her hand, his thumb moving against her skin and making it tingle. As they neared her place, she imagined what might happen if she invited Colin upstairs, and was both frightened and excited by her thoughts. They hadn't known each other long enough, and she wasn't sure she was quite ready... yet she had to admit that she wanted him to come up. She wanted their evening together to continue; she wanted him to kiss her again and take her in his arms. Despite her conflicting emotions, she directed him to the parking area behind her condo.

After locking the car, they walked up the steps beside each other, both of them quiet. When they reached the door, she fumbled with her keys, her hands trembling ever so slightly as she unlocked the door. Entering and passing through the living area, she turned on the lamp near the couch, but when she turned around, she realized that Colin had stopped at the threshold. He seemed to sense her confusion, offering her a chance to end the evening now, before it went too far. But something had taken hold of her, and tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear, she smiled.

"Come on in," she said her voice sounding hoarse and foreign to her own ears. Colin quietly closed the door behind him as he took in the living area with its dark pine flooring and crown molding, and the French doors that opened to the small balcony. Though she suspected he probably wouldn't have cared one way or the other, she was suddenly glad she'd spent the morning straightening up, right down to fluffing the decorative pillows on the couch.

"You have a beautiful place."

"Thank you."

Moving closer to examine the framed photos above the couch, he asked, "Did you take these?"

She nodded. "Earlier this summer."

He studied them in silence--especially the close-up of the osprey clasping a fish in its talons and surrounded by droplets of water. "You're very good," he said, visibly impressed.

"You don't know how many bad shots it took to get these, but thank you." Standing close, she could feel the heat still radiating from his body. "Would you like something to drink? I have a bottle of wine in the fridge."

"Maybe half a glass. I've never been a big wine drinker. And if you have some water, that would be great, too."

Leaving him, she went to the kitchen and pulled a couple of wineglasses from the cabinets. In the refrigerator was a bottle she'd opened the night before. She poured two glasses and took a sip before retrieving another glass for his water.

"Would you like ice?"

"Sure, if it's not too much trouble."

"I think I can handle ice."

She handed him the water glass, and watched as Colin drained it. Taking the empty glass from him, she set it on the breakfast bar before gesturing toward the French doors.

"Shall we go out on the balcony? I'm in the mood for a little fresh air."

"Sounds good," he agreed, reaching for his wineglass. Opening the doors, they stepped onto the balcony. The air was cool against her skin, haze beginning to roll in with the breeze. Traffic was light and the sidewalks stood empty. Streetlights cast a yellow glow, and from the bar at the corner she could hear the faint strains of eighties pop music.

He

motioned to the rocking chairs off to the side. "Do you ever sit out here?"

"Not enough. Which is kind of sad, since the balcony is one of the reasons I bought the condo in the first place. I think I had this idea that I'd unwind out here after work, but it usually doesn't turn out that way. Most nights, I'll have a quick dinner and either plant myself at the dining room table or at the desk in the spare bedroom with my MacBook." She shrugged. "The whole trying-to-get-ahead thing again, but we've already talked about that, haven't we?"

"We've talked about a lot of things."

"Does that mean you're getting bored with me already?"

He turned toward her, his eyes reflecting the evening light. "No."

"You know what I find interesting about you?" Colin waited, saying nothing. "You don't feel the need to always explain your reasoning when you answer questions. You get straight to the point. The only time you elaborate is when you're asked to do so. You're a man of very few words."

"Okay."

"That's exactly what I mean!" she teased. "But all right, you've made me curious. Why don't you elaborate unless you're specifically asked to do so?"

"Because it's easier. And it takes less time."

"Don't you think that including others in your thought process helps them understand you better?"

"That assumes they want to understand me better. And if they do, they'll ask me to explain and then I'll do it."

"And if they don't ask?"

"Then they probably don't care about my reasoning in the first place. They just want to know the answer. I know I do. If I ask someone what time it is, I don't need a history of clock-making and I don't care who gave them the watch, or how expensive it was, or whether it was a Christmas present. I just want the time."

"I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about trying to get to know someone. Making conversation."

"So am I. But not everyone needs--or even wants--to know why you feel the way you do about something. Some things are better left private."

"Excuse me? Weren't you the one who told me your life story that first night on the beach?"

"You asked questions and I answered them."

"And you think that works?"

"It has for us. We have no trouble talking."

"But that's because I ask a lot of questions."

"Yes."

"Well, it's a good thing I do. Or we'd end up like some of those older couples I see in coffee shops who don't say a word to each other while they eat breakfast. Of course, that's probably right up your alley. I can easily imagine you going an entire day without saying anything to anyone."

"Sometimes I do."

"That's not normal."

"Okay."

She took a sip of wine and waved a hand at him. "More detail, please."

"I don't know what 'normal' really means. I think everyone has his own definition, and it's shaped by culture, by family and friends, by character and experience, by events and a thousand other things. What's normal for one person isn't normal for another. For some people, jumping out of airplanes is crazy. For other people, life isn't worth living without it."

She nodded, conceding the point. Still...

"All right. Without me asking a question first, I want you to say how you really feel about something. Something unexpected and completely off topic. Something I wouldn't expect you to say. And then elaborate, without me having to ask a single question."

"Why?"

"Humor me," she said, nudging him. "Just for fun."

He rotated the wineglass with his fingers before raising his eyes to hers. "You're amazing. You're intelligent and beautiful and it should be easy for you to meet someone who doesn't have my past, who hasn't made the mistakes I have... Truthfully, it makes me wonder what I'm doing here, or why you even invited me. Part of me thinks that all of this is too good to be true and that it's going to come crashing down, but even if it does, it wouldn't change the fact that you've already added something to my life, something that I hadn't even realized was missing." Colin paused. When he spoke again, his voice was quiet. "You've come to mean more to me than I think you realize. Before you came along, I had Evan and Lily, and I thought that was enough. But it isn't. Not anymore. Not since last weekend. Being with you makes me feel vulnerable again, and I haven't felt vulnerable since I was a kid. I can't say that I always like it, but the alternative would be worse because it would mean not seeing you again."

Maria realized she'd been holding her breath; by the time he finished, she felt almost dizzy, overwhelmed by his response, and tried to steady herself.

Colin, on the other hand, continued to exude an easy confidence, and it was that, more than anything, which allowed her to regain her equilibrium.

"I'm not sure what to say," she admitted.

"You don't have to say anything. I didn't say it because I wanted a response. I said it because I wanted to."

She wrapped both hands around the stem of her glass. "May I ask you a question?" she asked shyly. "About something else?"

"Of course."

"Why did you act like you didn't know anything about salsa dancing?"

"When we talked about it, I didn't. Lily spent the week giving me lessons. That's what I was doing on Thursday and Friday nights."

"You learned how to dance for me?"

"Yes."

She turned away and took a sip of wine, trying to mask her amazement. "Thank you. And I guess I should thank Lily, too."

He flashed a quick smile. "Would you mind if I refill my water glass? I'm still a bit thirsty."

"Of course not."

Colin stepped away and Maria shook her head, wondering when, or even if, she would cease being surprised by him.

Luis had never spoken to her like Colin just had. As she leaned over the railing, she suddenly found it hard to remember what she'd really seen in him. On the surface, he was attractive and intelligent, but underneath he'd been arrogant and vain. She'd often made excuses for his behavior, and if anyone questioned her feelings, she'd reacted defensively. Thinking back, she admitted that she'd desperately wanted his approval and not only did he sense that, but he frequently took advantage of it. It wasn't a healthy relationship, she knew, and when she tried to imagine him behaving as Colin had--calling her, bringing flowers, learning to dance--she couldn't. And despite all that, she'd loved Luis with an intensity she could still sometimes feel.

Earlier, as she and Colin had been dancing, she'd caught herself thinking that the night couldn't possibly get any better. And then, all at once, it had. Listening to him express his feelings without fear or regret had left her speechless. She wondered whether she was capable of such a thing. Probably not, but then again, Colin wasn't like most people. He accepted himself, faults and all, and forgave himself for the mistakes he'd made. More than that, he seemed to live in the moment without regard for either the past or the future.

The greatest revelation was how deeply Colin was able to experience his emotions, perhaps even more deeply than she did. Watching him over dinner and on the dance floor, and hearing his words just now, she knew that if he wasn't in love with her yet, he was on the brink. Like her, he was willing to surrender to the inevitable, an idea that made her hands tremble. As Colin stepped back onto the balcony behind her, she took a long breath, savoring the wave of desire that flooded through her. He leaned over the railing next to her, and as their breaths fell into steady rhythm, she took another sip of wine, the warmth coursing down her throat into her stomach and limbs.

Studying his face in profile, she thought again about the way his external calm enveloped the coiled emotions within him, and she suddenly imagined the way Colin might look as he hovered naked above her, his lips gently brushing hers, as they gave themselves over to each other. Her stomach tightened and she felt her mouth curve into a faint smile.

"Did you mean what you said to me earlier?"

He didn't answer right away. Instead, he lowered his head before turning to face her.

&nb

sp; "I meant every single word."

Feeling a cascade of sensations in her body, she moved closer and kissed him gently on the lips. They were soft and warm, and pulling back, she saw in his expression something akin to hope. She kissed him a second time then and felt her skin begin to come alive as he slid his arms around her. He tugged softly, bringing their bodies together, and in that instant, she began to lose herself in him. She could feel the strength of his chest and arms surrounding her and the warm urgency of his tongue, and she knew with fierce certainty that she needed Colin, all of him. They continued to kiss on the balcony beneath a foggy, star-filled sky until she finally reached for his hand. Their fingers intertwined as he kissed the hollow of her neck, the sensation tantalizing and erotic. She shivered, enjoying the sensation before wordlessly leading him to the bedroom.

Moments after she woke the next morning, Maria felt the soft glare of the early-autumn sun, and the night came rushing back. She rolled over and saw Colin lying on his side, only half covered by the sheet, already awake and alert. "Good morning," he whispered.

"Good morning," she said. "How long have you been up?"

"About an hour."

"Why didn't you go back to sleep?"

"I wasn't tired. And besides, I kind of enjoyed watching you."

"That has the potential to sound very creepy, you know."

"Okay."

She smiled. "Well, since you were watching me, I hope I didn't do anything embarrassing or make any strange noises."

"You didn't. You just lay there looking sexy as hell."

"My hair is messy and I need to brush my teeth."

"Right now?"

"Why? What did you have in mind?"

He reached toward her, using his finger to trace her collarbone, and after that, no words were necessary.