At First Sight

"Bag an elephant," Jeremy said, trying to ignore the boozy breath. "Got it."

"That's it. That's exactly what you need to do."

"I know."

"But it's got to be an elephant."

"Of course."

"An elephant. Do you hear me?"

"Giant ears, long trunk, eats peanuts. Elephant. Got it."

Nate nodded. "Now you're thinking."

Across the car, Alvin moved toward the front to give directions to the driver. A few minutes later, the car rolled to a stop; Jeremy's brothers finished the rest of their beers before crawling out.

Jeremy was the last to get out, and he realized they were at the same trendy bar where he'd gone to celebrate his appearance on Primetime Live in January. With a long granite bar and dramatic lighting, the place was as sleek and crowded as it was back then. Beyond the glass windows, it seemed to be standing room only.

"I thought you might like to start here," Alvin said.

"Why not?" Jeremy said.

"Hey!" Nate called out. "I recognize this place." He turned around. "I've been here before."

"C'mon, big boy," Jeremy heard one of his brothers say. "Let's go on in."

"But where are the dancing girls?"

"Later," he heard another brother add. "The night's still young. We're just getting started."

When Jeremy turned to Alvin, he simply shrugged. "I didn't plan anything, but you know how some guys get when it comes to bachelor parties. You can't hold me accountable for everything that happens tonight."

"Sure I can."

"Gee, you're just a big bundle of fun tonight, aren't you."

Jeremy followed Alvin toward the front door; Nate and his brothers had already made their way inside, wedging their way around groups. Once inside, Jeremy found himself breathing in the atmosphere that had once felt like home. Most of the people here were stylishly dressed; a few others in suits looked as if they'd come straight from the office. He soon zeroed in on a gorgeous brunette at the far end of the bar who seemed to be drinking something tropical; in his earlier life, he would have offered to buy her a drink as an opener. Tonight, seeing her made him think of Lexie, and he fingered his cell phone, wondering if he should call just to let her know that he'd arrived okay. Maybe even apologize.

"What do you want to drink?" Alvin called out. He'd already elbowed his way to the bar and was leaning in, trying to get the attention of the bartender.

"I'm okay right now," Jeremy shouted over the noise. Through the waves of people, he could see his brothers congregating at the other end of the bar. Nate seemed to be wobbling as he made way for another group to pass.

Alvin shook his head and ordered two gin and tonics; after paying, he handed one to Jeremy.

"No can do," he said, handing over the drink. "It's your bachelor party. As the best man, I'm putting my foot down here and insisting you lighten up."

"I'm having fun," Jeremy insisted again.

"No, you're not. What? Did you and Lexie have another fight?"

Jeremy surveyed the bar; in the corner, he thought he saw someone he'd once dated. Jane something. Or was it Jean?

It didn't matter, but he supposed that it was simply a way of avoiding Alvin's question. He straightened up. "Sort of," he admitted.

"You two fight all the time," Alvin said. "Did you ever think that might be telling you something?"

"We don't fight all the time."

"What's this latest one about?" Alvin asked, ignoring Jeremy's comment. "Did you forget to kiss her the right way before you left for the airport?"

Jeremy frowned. "She's not like that."

"Well, something's going on," Alvin persisted. "You want to talk about it?"

"No," Jeremy said. "Not now."

Alvin arched an eyebrow. "Must be big, huh?"

Jeremy took a drink, feeling the burn at the back of his throat. "No," he said.

"Whatever," Alvin said, shaking his head. "Fine, you don't want to talk to me, maybe you should talk to your brothers. All I'm saying is that ever since you've been down there, you haven't been happy." He paused to let that sink in. "Maybe that's the reason you haven't been able to write."

"I don't know why I'm not writing, but I can say that it has nothing to do with Lexie. And I'm not unhappy."

"You can't see the forest for the trees."

"What's gotten into you?" Jeremy said.

"I'm just trying to get you to think clearly about all this."

"All what?" Jeremy demanded. "You sound like you don't want me to marry her."

"I don't think you should marry her," Alvin snapped. "That's what I tried to tell you before you moved down there. You don't even know her, and I think part of your problem is that you're finally realizing it. It's not too late--"

"I love her!" Jeremy said, his voice rising in exasperation. "Why are you saying this?"

"Because I don't want you to make a mistake!" Alvin shot back. "I'm worried about you, okay? You can't write, you're practically broke, you don't seem to trust Lexie, and she doesn't trust you enough to tell you she's been pregnant before. And now you two are fighting again for the umpteenth time...."

Jeremy blinked. "What did you say?"

"I said I don't want you to make a mistake."

"After that!" Jeremy shouted.

"What?"

"You said that Lexie has been pregnant before."

Alvin shook his head. "My point is--"

"How did you know about that?" Jeremy demanded.

"I don't know... I guess you must have mentioned it earlier."

"No," Jeremy said, "I didn't. I didn't learn about it until this morning. And I didn't tell you. So again, how did you know?"

It was in that instant, while staring at his friend, that he felt the pieces suddenly fall into place: the untraceable e-mails... Alvin's brief infatuation with Rachel and his offer to let her visit... the fact that Alvin had made a point of bringing her up in conversation, which meant he was still thinking about her... Rachel's recent unexplained absence coupled with Alvin's need to hang up the phone because he had company.

Jeremy found himself holding his breath as the rest of it came together like the neatest of puzzles, too far-fetched to believe, too obvious to ignore....

Rachel, who had been Lexie's best friend for years... who had access to Doris's journal and knew what was in it... who would have known that Doris had given it to Jeremy... who was having trouble with Rodney because of Lexie...

And Alvin, his friend, who still talked to Jeremy's ex, old friends who shared everything...

"Rachel was here, wasn't she," Jeremy finally said, his voice cracking with anger. "Rachel came to visit you in New York, didn't she."

"No."

"You sent those e-mails," he went on, the depth of Alvin's betrayal finally penetrating. He stared at Alvin as if he were a stranger. "You lied to me."

People around them turned to watch; Jeremy barely noticed. Alvin took an involuntary step backward.

"I can explain--"

"Why would you do that? I thought you were my friend."

"I am your friend," Alvin said.

Jeremy didn't seem to hear him. "You knew how stressed I've been...."

He shook his head, trying to grasp the full reality of the situation. Alvin reached for his arm. "Okay, yeah--Rachel did come up, and I was the one who sent the e-mails," he admitted. "I didn't even know she was coming until the day before when she called, and I was as surprised as you were. You've got to believe me on that. And as for the e-mails, I only sent them because I care about you. You haven't been yourself since you went down there, and I didn't want you to make a mistake."

Jeremy said nothing. In the silence, Alvin squeezed his arm and went on. "I'm not saying that you shouldn't marry her. She seems nice, she really does. But you rushed into this thing, and you weren't listening to reason. She might be the best lady ever, and I hope she is, but you should know what you're getting into."

Jeremy exhaled,

still unable to face Alvin. "Maria told you, didn't she," he said. "About the real reason we divorced."

"Yeah," Alvin said, seemingly relieved that Jeremy seemed to be getting it. "She did. She said there was no way it could happen. She was even more suspicious than I was, if you want to know the truth, and it just got me thinking, so I sent the e-mail." He sighed. "Maybe I was wrong to do that, and I honestly figured you'd blow it off, but then you called me and you were upset, and I suddenly realized that you were having the same doubts about how she got pregnant that I was."

He stopped, letting that sink in before going on. "And then Rachel shows up, we have a few drinks, and she starts telling me about how much Rodney still cares about Lexie, and I'm remembering the fact that Lexie copped to the fact she'd spent the evening with Rodney. Meanwhile, the more Rachel talked, the more I found out about Lexie's past--about this guy she'd dated and how she'd gotten pregnant before--and it just confirmed how little you knew about her."

"What are you trying to say?"

Alvin drew a long breath, choosing his words carefully. "I'm just saying that this is a big decision, and you should know what you're getting into."

"Are you saying that you think the baby is Rodney's?" Jeremy asked.

"I don't know what to think about it," Alvin answered, "but that's not the point--"

"No?" Jeremy said, his voice rising. "Then what is the point? You want me to dump my fiancee while she's pregnant so I can move back to New York and party with you?"

Alvin held up his hands. "I'm not saying that."

"It sure as hell sounds like that's what you're saying!" Jeremy shouted, not wanting to hear any more. Again the people around him turned to stare; again he ignored them. "And I'll tell you what!" he went on. "I don't care what you think I should do. It's my baby! I'm going to marry Lexie! And I'm going to live in Boone Creek because that's where I belong!"

"You don't have to yell--"

"You lied to me!"

"I was trying to help--"

"You betrayed me--"

"No!" Alvin said, his voice rising to meet Jeremy's. "All I did was ask questions you should have been asking yourself all along."

"It wasn't any of your damn business!"

"I didn't do this to hurt you!" Alvin shouted back. "I'm not the only one who thought you were moving too fast with all this! Your brothers think the same thing!"

The comment made Jeremy freeze for a second; Alvin took the opportunity to press his case.

"Getting married is a big deal, Jeremy! We're not talking about going out to dinner with her; we're talking about you waking up for the rest of your life with her by your side. People don't fall in love in just a couple of days. And no matter what you think, you didn't, either. You thought she was great, you thought she was intelligent or beautiful or whatever... but to suddenly decide to spend the rest of your life with her? To give up your home and your career on a whim?"

His voice had a pleading note, one that reminded Jeremy of a teacher trying to get through to a gifted, though obstinate, student. He could conjure up any number of responses. He could have told Alvin that he had no doubt the baby was his; he could have told Alvin that sending the e-mails was not only wrong, but sinister; he could have told Alvin that he loved Lexie and had loved her all along, and he always would. But they'd gone over all that, and even if Alvin was wrong, he wouldn't want to admit it.

And Alvin was wrong. About every bit of it.

Instead, Jeremy stared into his drink and swirled it before meeting Alvin's eyes. With a quick jerk of his arm, he threw the rest of his drink in Alvin's face and then grabbed him by the collar. Hurtling forward, he shoved an off-balance Alvin back a few steps, pinning him against a column.

He almost hit him. Instead, he brought his face close to Alvin's, near enough to smell his breath.

"I never want to see or talk to you again."

With that, he turned and strode out the door.

Twelve

I haven't heard from him," Lexie admitted the following afternoon, eyeing Doris across the table at Herbs.

"I'm sure it's going to be all right," Doris said.

Lexie hesitated, trying to figure out whether Doris was telling the truth or simply saying what she wanted to hear. "You didn't see his expression at the house yesterday. The way he stared at me... like he hated me."

"Can you blame him?"

Lexie looked up. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Just what I said," Doris replied. "How would you like it if you discovered something about Jeremy that made you feel you couldn't trust him?"

Lexie stiffened in protest. "I didn't come here to listen to this."

"Well, you're here, and you're going to listen. You came here hoping for sympathy, but when you told your story, I kept thinking about how Jeremy might have seen all this. He sees you holding hands with Rodney, you break your date to spend the evening with Rodney, and then he finds out that you've been pregnant before. It's no wonder he was angry."

Lexie opened her mouth to say something, but Doris raised her hands to cut her off.

"I know it's not what you want to hear, but he's not the only one at fault here."

"I apologized. I explained everything."

"I know you did, but sometimes that's not enough. You hid things from him, not once or twice, but three times. You can't do that, not if you want his confidence. You should have told him what happened with Trevor. I thought you already had, or I never would have given him the journal."

"Why did I have to tell him? I hadn't thought about it in years. It happened a long time ago."

"Not to him. To him, it happened on Friday. I'd probably be angry, too."

"You sound like you're on his side."

"On this, I am."

"Doris!"

"You're engaged, Lexie. I know Rodney's been your friend for years, but you're engaged to Jeremy, and the rules change. It would have been fine if you had told him up front what you were doing, but you were sneaking behind his back."

"That's because I knew how he'd react."

"Oh really? How did you know?" Doris fixed her with an unwavering gaze. "All you would have had to do was call and tell him that you wanted to talk to Rodney, that you were trying to find out where Rachel went, that you wanted to find out whether you were somehow responsible. I'm sure he would have understood that. But you didn't tell the full story, and not for the first time. And then he finds out that you were pregnant before?"

"You mean I'm supposed to tell him everything?"

"That's not what I'm saying. But this? Yeah, you probably should have told him. It wasn't like it was a big secret in town, and even if it was something you wanted to forget, you had to figure that he was going to find out anyway. It would have been better for you to tell him than for him to have found out the way he did. Or worse, what if he'd heard it from someone else?"

Lexie turned toward the window, her mouth a stubborn line, and Doris thought she might leave. But she stayed seated, and Doris reached across the table to take her hand.

"I know you, Lexie. You can be headstrong, but you're not a victim. And neither is Jeremy. What's going on with you two, all this stress you're both under... that's called life. And life has a tendency to throw curveballs when you least expect them. Every couple has ups and downs, every couple argues, and that's the thing--you're a couple, and couples can't function without trust. You have to trust him, and he's got to trust you."

In the silence, Lexie thought about Doris's comment while continuing to stare through the window. A cardinal landed on the window ledge, hopped from spot to spot as if the ledge were on fire, then flew off. She'd seen the bird land here a hundred times before, maybe a thousand times, but as she watched she was struck by the absurd conviction that somehow this bird was trying to tell her something. She waited, watching for the cardinal to reappear, hoping it would come back. But it didn't, and she realized how foolish the thought had been. Above her, the ceiling fans whirred, moving the a

ir in empty circles.

"You think he'll come back?" Lexie finally asked, her voice betraying her fear.

"He's coming back," Doris said, squeezing her hand with conviction.

Lexie wanted to believe it, even if she wasn't so sure herself. "I haven't heard from him since he left," she whispered. "He hasn't called once."

"He will," Doris said. "Give him time. He's trying to sort through everything, and he's with his friends this weekend. It's his bachelor party, don't forget."

"I know...."

"Don't read anything extra into this. When's he coming back?"

"Supposedly Sunday night. But--"

"Then that's when he'll be here," Doris said. "And when he does show up, just be happy to see him. Ask about his weekend, and listen with interest when he tells you all about it. And afterwards, make sure he knows how special you think he is. Believe me, I was married for a long time."

Despite the turmoil she was feeling inside, Lexie grinned. "You sound like a marriage counselor."

Doris shrugged. "I know men. Let me tell you, they can be rip-roaring mad or frustrated or worried about work or life, but in the end, they're pretty simple to figure out if you know what makes them tick. And one of the things that make them tick is an almost desperate need to feel appreciated and admired. You make them feel that way, and you'll be amazed at what they'll do for you."

Lexie simply stared at her grandmother. Doris had a mischievous grin as she went on. "Of course, they want great sex and want you to keep the house clean and neat and organized while looking beautiful and still having the energy to do fun things together, but admiration and appreciation are right up there."

Lexie's jaw dropped. "Gee, really?" she asked. "Maybe I should go barefoot and stay pregnant, except when I'm wearing lingerie."

"Don't act so indignant." Doris had turned serious again. "You're not the only one who has to make a sacrifice when it comes to being a couple. You think you're getting the short end of the stick? Men have to make sacrifices, too. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you want Jeremy to hold your hand and snuggle as you watch a movie, you want him to share his feelings and listen, you want him to spend time with your daughter and earn enough not only to buy but renovate the house. Well, I'll tell you straight up that no man says to himself as he's walking down the aisle, Gee, I'm going to work hard and sacrifice so I can provide a good living for my family, and I'm going to spend hours with my kids even when I'm tired, all the while hugging and kissing and listening to my wife and telling her all my troubles, and meanwhile, I'm not going to expect a single thing." Doris didn't wait for a response. "A man promises to do the things to keep you happy in the hopes that you, too, will do the things that keep him happy."