There You Stand (Between Breaths 5)

He didn’t seem to mind it, in fact his eyes flickered with something I never would’ve imagined in my wildest dreams that I’d see in them—desire. It was the first time the thought occurred to me that maybe Jude was attracted to me.

My heart hammered painfully in my chest. I was probably reading way too much into this. Maybe having anybody’s hands on him was arousing because he didn’t let anyone get near.

Finally his lips parted and his gaze swung down to my fingers, which were still pressed to his skin. My cheeks caught on fire and I yanked my hands away as if they’d been scorched.

“S . . . sorry.” I stepped away, figuring he was only tolerating me and was probably close to punching me in the fucking nuts. “I was in the zone and didn’t realize my hands were still there.”

“It’s okay,” he said in a low timbre that sent chilled fingers across my skin. Then he tipped his head to the drawing, as if to bring me back to my original question. “And . . . yes.”

“Yes what?” My brain felt fuzzy. Mostly because he has actually spoken to me. “You’re saying you want the tattoo exactly as I described?”

He angled his head in a positive response.

My brain was literally going haywire and damn it to hell, I had to go and ruin it right then. “What does the tree mean?”

He bristled. Fuck, I’d been doing this so long I didn’t even give a shit what client’s tattoos meant anymore. Sure, people had their reasons and normally they told you and it was all cool. It filled up the dead air space and made the appointment move along more swiftly.

But with Jude, I couldn’t help wondering why the hell he needed or wanted a big fucking ominous tree on his back.

“Shit, none of my business.” I didn’t want to wreck this. He was putting his faith in me, and given what I had come to understand about Jude, that was one hell of a huge deal.

“I’ll be ready for our next appointment,” I said, finding my professional voice. “You can figure out the time with Emmy up front.”

He pulled his shirt over his head, effectively concealing all of his sins and that had an immediate sobering effect. I carried the drawing back to the table, attempting to switch into work mode as he grabbed his backpack and moved to the door.

“Jude,” I said and he twisted his head toward me. “Thanks for trusting me enough to do this.”

His eyes widened as if I’d just divulged all of his secrets.

We were in a standoff again with the eyes and the breaths and the tension in the air, thick as a dust cloud, threatening to asphyxiate me.

Then he bowed his head and slid through the door.

Fuck. I collapsed in the chair completely spent, as if I had just worked a twelve-hour shift.

Chapter Five

The next few days were busy with work and completing a drawing course to keep up with my tattoo license. Oliver, the owner of Raw Ink, was big on continuing education and he didn’t give two shits if you hated school like I did. I’d gotten decent grades in high school and went on to get my associates degree in liberal arts, probably more to please my grandma than anything else.

After seeing Jude at the park, bar, and in my shop, I figured it was time for some different headspace. So I changed routes and took the dogs to walk along the bay side of the water, where there was a calm and appealing view. There was a kayak lift and some fishermen along the pier with their poles in the water.

As I sat on the bench peering out at the water, I figured it was time to steer my energies elsewhere. Outside of quick hookups, I hadn’t dated much. Since the last guy left me his trophy of a dog, it was clear that I wasn’t that great at choosing them lately.

I realized all of this focused energy on a quiet skateboarder was unhealthy. He was like a mystery that I wanted to untangle. But to what end? Who the fuck knew what his story was.

I felt like a seeker of lost causes and I didn’t need that shit in my life. Besides, the forced silence was killing me. I got so twitchy after my encounters with Jude that I played extra hard. Dex liked that of course because it made me ready to hang out until two in the morning.

By the end of the night, though, my thoughts would be so consumed with Jude that I’d have to head home and jack off to my fantasies of him. But it didn’t help my concentration for shit to come into the shop sleep deprived.

It was better than being hungover like Dex. I made an attempt to cut him off at midnight and it worked most nights, especially if I reminded him that he had a job to keep. But when it didn’t, at least I was there to call him a cab.

I walked the dogs back home and then hightailed it over to my shift at Raw Ink. I greeted Jessie at the front desk, as she changed screens on the computer to pull up my schedule. Bennett threw me a quick wave heading out the door, probably eager to get home to Avery. I sighed, wondering if I’d ever be able to find that with somebody again.

A deep loneliness had taken root inside of me but I covered it up with all of my activities. I knew if I only stopped long enough to contemplate it, I would realize just how lost and forlorn I really was.

Like a boat unmoored from the harbor, I floated along, seeking comfort from the damn wind. Except I would never acknowledge that the monotony was wearing me down with each passing day.

Dex strode up front to grab a fresh sketchpad from the supply drawer and broke me out of my thoughts. “You heading up to Zach’s again tonight?”

“Maybe,” I said. I had avoided the Hog’s Den for the past few nights, in my effort to steer clear of Jude. And since I didn’t want to take up Smoothie King Jonathan on his offer to hook up, heading to all the straight bars with Dex was the only option I had left.