Shame Me Not

Chapter Two

Ana

First day of school jitters didn’t even scratch the surface of the pure nausea that quaked my stomach. I pushed through the doors after I hiked my backpack higher on my shoulder. The sway of the plaid skirt around my knees gave me something to focus on while I walked in.

Catholic school.

I had to admit I never thought I would be there. All my life I’d attended the same public school system with friends that would come and go. With as many students as we had per class, friendship circles changed all the time. Hell, we were set to graduate with almost a thousand students.

St. Agatha didn’t even have a thousand students in the entire high school. It didn’t make the halls any less loud. I tried to ignore the conversations of what everyone did over their Christmas break. Wondered if anyone would ask me about mine. What would I say?

Oh, it was nothing. My parents who’d been married for twenty years finalized their divorce and my mom decided to move closer to home, despite no longer having any family here, and uproot my life. But don’t worry, my dad’s a lawyer who makes a lot of money and is alleviating some of his guilt by paying for me to go to a private school. He wants me to have the best education and all that.

I scoffed, approaching my assigned locker. Best education, my ass. He just wanted to make sure he threw enough money at me to make himself feel like he was parenting enough, despite being five hours away in Tennessee. A fire burned in my gut whenever I thought about how he didn’t even fight to keep me close by.

Your mother will be more available to take care of you. She’ll have her friends. And don’t worry sweetie, we’ll find time to see each other often. I’m not letting you go. You’re looking at it wrong. I would never let you go. Things just didn’t work out with your mother and me. She needs more attention than I can give her. And since I’ve made partner, I just don’t have what it takes anymore. It doesn’t change how much I love you. Your mother just needs someone who can help her through life more than I can.

Me. I was that person. My dad had been that person for twenty years and apparently, he had grown tired of it. So that left me to help my mom now. Me to make most of the decisions. I was the one who had looked at and picked out houses to view. I was the one who had made the final decision.

It wasn’t her fault, I guess. She’d been raised to be an agreeable housewife. Apparently agreeable also meant unable to make a decision.

She took care of me, making meals and being everything a nurturing mom should be. But since Dad was no longer around to make decisions, it fell on my shoulders and I was already exhausted from the weight.

The sound of giggling pulled me from my thoughts and I closed my locker after grabbing my books. Looking around, I saw groups of friends all talking and laughing. A few glanced at me, probably finding me lacking in my worn-out Chucks and un-styled hair that hung loosely down my back. Kevin’s mom had talked about how everyone had been friends since kindergarten. Then there was me, the new kid.

I pushed my shoulders back and walked with my head high. If they wanted to stare at the new girl, then fine. But I wouldn’t show any weakness.

I grabbed an open seat with a few minutes to spare. A girl next to me with gleaming blond hair pulled back into a perfectly curled ponytail turned and gave me a pinched smile and a simple, “Hi.”

Her other friends, all just as made up as she was, turned and gave me the same smile.

“Hey.”

“You’re the new student, right?” she asked, looking me up and down.

“That would be me.” I tried to hide the uncomfortable feeling that was swallowing me whole. I was trying not to judge these girls. I didn’t want to be that judgmental girl with a chip on her shoulder as much as I didn’t want them to be snobby bitches.

“Cool. I could kind of tell from your shoes. And lack of hair product. I don’t know of any sophomores here who don’t at least put some effort in their appearance. St. Agatha’s is usually all about appearances.”

I just stared, unsure of if she was serious or a stuck-up bitch like I’d assumed. I couldn’t decide which was worse. Unfortunately, I think she was serious.

“Umm, yeah. I guess I just really like my sleep more than I like straightening my hair.”

The other two girls chuckled. The blonde just smiled again, that tight smile. “I have extra lip gloss if you want some. Never been opened.”