Surrender - Voyeur

When I rejoined the group, Andre flipped open the binder he’d been carrying. “So, do we have a date in mind?”

All three sets of eyes turned to me and I stuttered over my tongue, tripping on words like I’d never heard of a calendar in my life. “Ummm…I—um…what month is it now?”

Joanne’s hand slapped my chest playfully. “You’re so funny, Jackson.”

Breathing a laugh, I played it off, but couldn’t ignore the way Jake’s eyes narrowed at my reaction.

“We don’t have a date set yet,” he answered easily for me.

“Hmmm.” Andre pulled down his glasses to the end of his nose and dragged his finger down the page. “We had a cancellation for five months from now in November. Just before Thanksgiving.” He looked up and smiled like he was giving us the winning numbers for the lottery.

Joanne clapped her hands with excitement while I ran mine through my hair, scrambling for the right words.

“Oh, umm. So soon.” I looked to Jake, who still had the questioning look on his face. “I’ll have to talk to work.”

“Make sure you do it soon because a cancellation will be taken quick. Usually, I’d go to our waiting list, but I love you both so much, I just need you to get married here.” He was a little over the top, but the way Joanne agreed to every single extra package, I was sure he wanted that commission more than he actually cared about our marriage.

“Thank you so much, Andre,” Joanne said. “We will definitely get back to you ASAP.”

We all shook hands and made our exit. The hot, humid air of Cincinnati in June flooded my lungs, feeling better than the choking panic of that hotel.

“I’ll leave you boys to talk. I’m going to go and have drinks with a friend. Make sure you keep me up to date on what you decide.”

We’d made it about two steps away from the door when Jake finally asked the question I’d been dreading. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” I answered, my shoulders slouched, my eyes glued to the pavement.

“C’mon, Jackson. Don’t give me that bullshit answer.”

“I just don’t understand what the rush is.”

“There’s not a rush.”

“Yet, here we are, and I can’t even get a day off right now, and you want me to tell you when I can get a whole week off six months from now.” The words found a crack in the stronghold I had them under and started flooding out. “I’m so damn busy. And you’re going to be busy with Carina’s maternity leave coming up. What do you want to do? Say fuck it and let everyone deal with the fallout?”

“It’s not about being busy, Jackson. We’ve been engaged for six months and you won’t talk about any of it.”

“And you’ve been gay for all of a year. Things take time, Jake. I didn’t rush you, so don’t you dare rush me,” I growled, stepping into his space.

I wanted to take the words back as soon as they slipped free. Watching his face crumple had my heart doing the same.

“Is that what this is about? Me not being gay enough for you?”

“No, tha—that’s not what I meant.” My hands dragged through my hair, tugging to relieve some of the tension.

“Are you putting it off because you think I’ll run again? That I’ll leave you?”

“No, of course not.”

He stepped right into my chest, speaking so close the breath of his words hit my lips. “Because Jackson, I will drop to my knees right here and show the world how much I love your cock—how much I love you. I’m sorry for being scared before, but I’ve worked hard to show you how much I would shout from the rooftops that I’m yours.”

I hated myself. He’d struggled with loving me—a man—when we first got together, but he’d claimed our love without fear now, and I never wanted to make him think I questioned it.

“I’m sorry it—I’m just sorry.”

He didn’t say anything, and I couldn’t blame him. This had nothing to do with his sexuality. None of that mattered. We loved each other, and that was all either of us cared about.

I held his cheeks in my palms, forcing his blue eyes to meet mine. “I love you.” Leaning in, I pressed a barely-there kiss to his lips. “I’m sorry I’m being difficult. I’ve just been working a lot, and I’m tired. It’s no excuse.”

He leaned in to press his own, firmer, kiss to my lips, and I accepted it with relief. “Let’s have dinner tonight and get some drinks at Voy.”

“Okay.” I nodded and stole one more kiss. “I love you. More than anything.”

“I love you too.”

A band around my chest released at his words and I knew everything would be okay.

3

Jake

Tucking the file of papers under my arm, I locked my office door. I hadn’t planned to be in the office on a Saturday, but Jackson got a call that they were short at the bar before we could follow through on our dinner plans. We agreed to meet for drinks later and I figured I’d respond to some quick emails.