Teacher - Voyeur

Licking my dry lips, I put on my most calm tone, which wasn’t much.

“I’ll take that drink now.”

“My office or the bar?”

Being alone with him right now sounded like the best worst idea ever. I didn’t think I could be held responsible for my actions. “The bar will work.”

“Okay.”

He flipped the switch and held the door open for me. I walked out on unsteady legs and tried to gather myself now that we were out of the room.

“I’m going to run to the restroom real quick. I’ll meet you out there.”

“Perfect.”

It was exactly what I needed. Time alone to recollect my composure so I could hopefully form coherent sentences that didn’t start with let’s do it again, and ended with, please never leave my side.

I forced myself to sip the tequila when all I wanted to do was toss it back and order another. I swirled the amber liquid around the glass, watching the large ice ball roll along the edges. Again, and again, until I could finally breathe easier.

“Okay?” Daniel asked, coming up behind me.

“Yeah. Totally. Why?”

Super smooth, Hanna.

Daniel thanked the bartender for his drink and took his time sipping from his glass before facing me. “I know last time it was a lot, and I just wanted to check in.”

His skin looked flushed, and I thought back to the erection I’d noticed tenting his pants. Had he felt what I had? Was that what it was always supposed to feel like? I hoped so.

“I’m good. Thank you for doing this.”

“It was my pleasure.”

I laughed a little at his word choice and couldn’t stop the sarcastic retort if I’d tried. “Was it, though?”

He shook his head and laughed. “You’re funny.”

I laughed with him, and it was nice to be able to let my sarcasm free without overthinking each word out of my mouth.

But that ease faded quickly. We each faced forward and sipped from our glasses, neither of us speaking. When the silence grew uncomfortable, pressing down on my skin, I finally spoke up.

“This is weird. Isn’t it?”

“Not if you don’t want it to be.” When I only shrugged, he shifted to face me. “Hanna, I own a club where people have sex in the corners so others can watch. I’m not one to judge what someone enjoys.”

I closed my eyes and sucked in a deep breath through my nose.

“Did you enjoy it?” he asked softly.

The air left on a puff of laughter. “Yeah. I mean…yeah.”

“That’s good. That’s a first step.”

“I just…” I shrugged again, unsure of how to explain it without making everything weirder. But then I reminded myself that Daniel didn’t judge. He never made me feel like I needed to justify my feelings or hold back my words. Why start now? “I just feel like a ball of energy. Like a live-wire, and I don’t really know what to do with myself.”

“What do you usually do when you feel hyped up?”

“Read. Go to a barre class. But sometimes it doesn’t feel like enough. I still feel too high-strung afterward.”

“Do you still go to therapy?” he asked softly after another bout of silence.

The words poked at my irritation, and I ground my jaw to hold back my snappy retort that I didn’t need another worry-wort hovering over me. Despite my effort, the words still slipped out with an edge. “No. I don’t need it. This is all I have left to conquer. I’m not some wilting flower who can’t sleep at night. I’ve conquered all my demons, but this one.”

I kept my eyes on the bar, not wanting him to read the lie that I wasn’t really one-hundred-percent okay.

“Of course not. Even I can see how strong you are, and I’m not around you as much as everyone else.”

His easy response popped the bubble of irritation that had swelled inside me. “I’m sorry. Everyone always gets on my case, and it’s a knee-jerk reaction, I guess. Erik means well. Hell, he gets me a new can of mace every Christmas just in case I ever run out. Even though I’ve never had a reason to use it.”

His laugh perked me back up, bringing back my sense of humor.

“I should probably beef up so I can fend anyone off with my own two hands.” I hold up my arms and flex my small biceps.

“I don’t know, you look pretty intimidating right now. I think I actually see some muscle there…if I squint.”

“Oh, fuck you,” I said, laughing, shoving his shoulder.

When we’d both settled, he asked, “Another drink?”

“Probably not. It’s getting late. I should get home.”

“Let me walk you out.”

I ordered another Uber and tried to think of how to say goodbye the entire walk to the front. Did I hug him? Wave? Shake his hand? High-five? What was the protocol after watching sex together?

“Message me if you want to do this again sometime.”