The Man Who Has No Heart (Soulless 2)

I didn’t say anything because I wasn’t sure if he was finished.

He looked at the flowers for a second before he turned back to me. “Thank you for everything. I don’t know how else to say it. I don’t know how else to show it. Because my words, flowers, and dinner don’t truly reflect my gratitude.”

My insides melted like butter, and my heart grew wings. “Sometimes gratitude isn’t conveyed with words or gifts. Sometimes it’s conveyed with emotions. And you’ve shown me how much my gesture has meant to you.” I rested my hands on my knee, looking at the clean shave on his face, the little bones in his jaw visible when there was no hair covering them.

“How did you get Valerie to agree?”

I shrugged. “I told her she should be grateful that her ex-husband wants a relationship with her son at all. Most men don’t care that much. And if she wants you guys to be on good terms someday, the best way to do that is by giving you what you want.”

He shook his head. “I still can’t believe you did it.”

“I know how to handle difficult people.”

He sighed deeply. “Yeah…like me.”

I crinkled my eyes. “No, Deacon. You aren’t difficult.”

He looked at the flowers again. “I called her yesterday.”

I hoped this story had a happy ending.

“I thanked her for letting me have Derek for the weekend.”

I nodded. “That was a good move.”

“I read that book you gave me…”

I smiled. “I’m glad it was helpful.”

He rubbed his large hands together slightly.

“Did you ask if you could see him again?”

He shook his head. “I thought it was best to leave it alone.”

“Yeah…”

He stared down at his hands. “But saying goodbye was so hard. It’s like having your heart exist outside your body…and he takes it with him.”

My eyes softened.

“I don’t want it to be this way. I don’t want to have him for a little bit…and then give him back.”

“I know…”

“I don’t know what to do,” he whispered. “I don’t want to be a father who’s not there. I can’t be that kind of father…”

“Maybe we can convince her to move here.”

He lifted his gaze and looked at me.

“It’ll take some time, but we might be able to pull it off.”

“I’d ordinarily say no, but I don’t underestimate you anymore.”

I smiled. “I think if we give her an incentive, she might do it.”

“She’s always liked the city.”

“Really?” I asked. “Then maybe I can think of something to get her here.” The one thing she wanted was Deacon, but she would never have him. Deacon gave up everything to get out of that marriage. There was no way he would try again, not when he would never love her. “What does she like?”

He was quiet for a long time. “Expensive things.”

Then maybe Deacon could buy her a beautiful place to live…even though she should have more than enough money in her bank account now. “One of the best litigators in Manhattan is a friend of mine. I talked to him about your situation. He said he would take your case and get you legal custody—if you want to pursue that.”

“I already said no.” His tone didn’t turn hostile, but it was definitely abrupt.

“He’s the best, Deacon. I know you’re scared—”

“No.”

I wanted a Plan B if getting Valerie to move here was unsuccessful. Having Deacon move back to California wasn’t an option—at least not for me. “Could you tell me why?”

His jaw tightened like I’d poked a festering wound.

“You don’t have to. I just thought—”

“No.” He took a quiet breath, letting it escape gradually in an effort to relax. “I’m used to people prying, but I know you aren’t prying. You’re trying to help me…like always.” He seemed to be talking to himself, calming himself. He turned back to me. “When my father passed away, it was rough for me. I started to drink a lot…the hard stuff. It became a problem. There’re at least six months of my life I can’t really remember because I was drunk all the time.”

I didn’t react, but I was surprised it had happened, that someone so strong would succumb so completely.

“If I take her to court, she’ll use it against me. Not only will I not get Derek, but I’ll lose all my credibility. My medical license might be suspended even though I was never drunk on the job, and I could get stuck with a reputation that would tarnish all of my accomplishments…even if they happened long before I grabbed the bottle.”

I hated imagining him in that much pain, so disturbed that he had to alter his reality with booze. “Alright. Then we’ll convince Valerie.”

He stared at his hands.

“I don’t think less of you, Deacon.”

“I know…” He released a sigh and looked at me, like he had complete confidence in me. “I know you never would.”