Holding Onto Forever
I turn to find Coach standing behind me. I half smile, half grimace and tell Elle I’ll call her later. I stand up and my coach cocks his eyebrow at me. I quickly cover my junk with my hand, which is also holding my phone.
“My friend, she’s awake. I need to go back to Chicago.”
“My office, now,” he says as he walks out the door. “Put some damn clothes on,” he yells before the door shuts. I do as he says and hustle down to his office and take the seat in front of his desk.
“Look, Coach. I know my head isn’t in the game. I told you this the other night, and I’m sorry. I’m letting you and the team down, but she’s awake and I feel like a thousand pounds has been lifted off my shoulders.”
“That’s all fine and dandy, Westbury, but I need a committed and focused quarterback who can lead the charge not only on Sunday but every day in practice, on and off the field.”
“I know, and I’m sorry. I need to be mentally stronger.”
“You’re not the only one who has lost someone in the league. Many athletes perform the same day as a tragic loss.”
I nod. Normally, I think I would be okay if I didn’t come to the harsh realization that I’m in love with Peyton and haven’t been able to tell her. Not knowing whether or not I’d ever be able to talk to her or feel her arms wrap around me again, really did something to my psyche.
“Your commitment is to this team, and if you can’t be here–”
“I will be,” I say before I realize I interrupted him. I shake my head and sit up straighter in the chair. “Sir, I know my actions these past couple of days haven’t been up to standards.”
“I feel a but coming on, Westbury.” He leans onto his immaculate desk and glares at me.
I slink back as far as I can in the chair under his penetrating gaze, feeling about two feet tall. “After Sunday’s game, I’m asking that I be allowed to miss practice until Friday.”
Coach threads his fingers together and taps his lips with his clenched hands. “I’m in a position to say no, that after today’s performance, you need all the extra reps you can get, but I’ll make a deal with you. If we win on Sunday, you can have the week off.”
I stand and extend my hand. He shakes mine, squeezing with enough force to remind me he can make or break my career. “I’ll do my best.” Sometimes my best isn’t good enough, but I’m going to try. I leave his office and head back to the locker room. The guys give me shit about being in trouble. That’s one thing about sports; the childish antics never change.
“I’m fine. Rough day.”
“I heard Dessie left his sorry ass,” Alex says.
I don’t know how he would’ve heard, unless she’s posted something on social media, but it’s not her style to air dirty laundry.
Jessie McAvoy, our right tackle, slaps me on the back. “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of that fine woman of yours.”
“She’s too much for you, McAvoy.” I move away from him and head toward my locker. Julius is standing there, looking confused. “I’m good.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah, you wanna grab some dinner?”
“I do,” Alex says, putting his arms around the both of us.
“Is this going to be a gossip session where we talk about our feelings and go to the bathroom together?” Julius asks.
“Pretty much,” I tell him.
Alex claps his hands together. “Yes, Moore is gonna get him some tonight!”
I roll my eyes and finish putting my stuff in my bag. Alex thinks women flock to him when he’s being emotional. Julius and I have told him repeatedly it’s because when he walks into a place everyone suspects he’s a pro athlete by his size.
Before leaving the locker room, I pull out my phone and send a text to Peyton. I have no idea if she even has her phone, is able to look at it or what, but I want her to know I’m thinking about her.
I’ll be there in a few days. I miss you.
And against my better judgment, I look through the many messages from Dessie.
I love you
I’m sorry
Call me
Can I see you tonight?
We need to talk
They’re endless and remain unanswered by me. I can’t imagine what we have to talk about. I lied to her. She lied to me. That alone puts us in an unhealthy relationship neither of us needs right now. Dessie needs to focus on her career and getting clean if she has a drug habit. And I need to focus on what I’m going to do about Peyton and my feelings for her. Not only do I need to tell her, but also her parents. I think they have a right to know I plan to pursue Peyton if she’ll allow me.