Sinners & Gin - Top Shelf

Be a fighter, but know when to ask for help. Stay strong, but understand when being vulnerable is more powerful. Be a woman who can take care of herself, but also maintain the ability to allow a man to help. And love, Aria. Truly love and never hold back.

Life is not always easy, as you already know. But I do not want you to grow hard.

Stone.

Cold.

I do not want you to feel like you can’t allow the softness to shine through. Allow the delicate to merge with the rugged. Please, my loving daughter, do not let the shadows of life darken your soul forever. Please.

I write this letter while you sleep, and your soft delicate features fill me with so much pride. I love you, my daughter. I love you so very much. My one true wish is that someday you will feel this same level of affection and devotion.

Forever loving you,

Your Mother

Matthew folded the letter with great care, placed it back in its protective box, and looked up to meet my tear-filled eyes. I didn’t have to read the letter to know what it said. I had memorized every single line of the letter and could quote it word for word.

“Oh, Aria. I…” He stopped and swallowed hard. “Thank you for sharing that with me.”

“The sad thing,” I said softly, “is I still hate my father. Even though she didn’t when she wrote the letter. I hate him so much. She had no idea that he would shoot her dead.”

“True. It seems that she loved him very much and never gave up hope that they could find the love again,” he agreed. “Do you know why he shot her?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. He began raging over something like always, and she sent me out of the house like all the other times. She never wanted me to see him beat on her. But this time, I not only heard her cries and screams, I heard the bang of his gun. I wonder if she finally had enough and stood up to him. Maybe she told him she would leave. I like to imagine that she left the world that day feeling strong. She stood her ground.”

“No doubt about it. It sounds like your mother was a very strong woman but also a romantic one who didn’t want to quit. I didn’t know her personally, but I heard stories.”

“When I wanted to just give up, I kept reciting her words in my head to keep me going. Do not let the shadows of life darken your soul forever. I chanted those words over and over silently to give me strength.”

Matthew reached out and stroked my hair with such kindness in his eyes. “Did you? Did you allow the shadows to darken you?”

I nodded. “Sometimes. Sometimes all I could see was pitch blackness while still living with my father. But sometimes… I saw a light in all that dark.”

“I’ve misjudged you as just being a typical mafia princess. I can see how wrong I was. I’m surprised you didn’t just allow the shadows to swallow you up. I know grown men who wouldn’t have been able to survive the things you have.”

I looked down at the letter sadly. “I want to be the woman my mother describes in this letter so badly. I want to be the loved wife, the mother, the happy woman so full of dreams. I want this letter to be me.”

Matthew got up from the chair and sat on the edge of the bed. He wrapped an arm around me and pulled me against his warm frame. “It can be. You’re young. There’s no reason it can’t happen.”

I shrugged. “Maybe. I hope so. I want that. But then… you know my father. I can’t exactly break away and forget the blood that runs through my veins. I think my mother would be very disappointed in me for doing nothing but playing the part of mafia princess.”

“She would be very proud of you. She wanted you to be a fighter. Her words said so. She wanted you to be able to take care of yourself. You have already proven half of that letter is you. You are alive. You have spirit”—he smirked—“This much I know. The rest can still come.”

I looked up at the man I should hate, but didn’t, feeling hopeful. “Do you truly believe that? Do you think the daughter of Vittorio Costa can someday be loved?”

He leaned forward and placed his finger under my chin, so I had no choice but to look directly into his eyes. “I have no doubt,” he whispered, his lips still so close to mine. “You deserve it and so much more.”

As if under a spell, I raised my head just enough so that our lips touched in the softest of kisses. He didn’t move back or resist, but quite the opposite. He pressed his lips harder to mine and conquered my mouth with his—fully kissing me as a man would a woman.