S is for Silence (Kinsey Millhone 19)

Kathy took off her glasses and polished the lenses with the hem of her skirt. These were new glasses with stylishly tilted black cat’s-eye frames that Kathy thought looked especially wonderful on her. She found herself following Violet’s progress across the lot. She had vulgar dyed-red hair and wore a tight purple sundress with a deeply scooped neckline. Winston Smith, the salesman Kathy’s dad had hired the month before, had his eye on the crevice between her boobies. Everybody was always mooning over Violet, which made Kathy sick. Especially her friend, Liza, who thought Violet could do no wrong. Kathy was struck by a sharp emotional jolt, which later in life she might concede was a feeling of jealousy. At the moment she wondered if it was possible to have hot flashes at so young an age. She’d seen her mother fanning herself, suddenly dripping with sweat, and thought what she experienced might be similar.

Winston worked strictly on commission, which probably explained why he was so interested in talking to Violet as she strolled between the aisles of used cars. Winston was twenty years old. His hair was dark blond with a ridge of curls on top. The sides were swept back and met at the nape in a style known as a DA, which was short for “duck’s ass,” though that wasn’t a term Kathy would dream of saying out loud. Kathy could see him gesturing, pretending to be knowledgeable when, in fact, he’d never made a sale. She found it endearing, how transparent he was to her. His goal was to make enough money to pay for his sophomore year in college, and he’d confided his belief that selling cars was the perfect way to jack up his savings. He admitted he didn’t have quite the knack for it that he’d hoped. He didn’t even enjoy it much, but he was determined to develop his skills, taking Mr. Cramer as his role model. Temporarily, of course.

He was easily handsome enough to be a movie star himself. She thought he looked wonderful in his front-pleated slacks, open-neck shirt, and white bucks. He actually reminded her of James Dean-same cheekbones and long lashes, and the same slender build. His expression was soulful, suggestive of troubles untold. Kathy could picture him working for her father after graduation, but he had bigger dreams, possibly law school, he said. Kathy often asked him about himself, encouraging him to open up to her.

In her pencil drawer, she kept the box of pretty pink stationery she was using for the volume of poems she was writing. She liked the roses around the edge and the pale blue butterfly in each corner. She did the actual composition on wide-lined tablet paper and then transcribed the finished verse onto good paper when she was finally satisfied. Originally she’d bought the stationery for Liza, whose birthday was coming up on Friday, July 3, but when she realized how perfect it was, she’d decided to keep it for herself. She could always give Liza the lily of the valley dusting powder someone had given her last year.

The poem she was working on was half-finished. This was only the fourth poem she’d written, but she knew it was her best. Maybe not perfect yet, but her English teacher said every good writer did constant revisions, and Kathy’d found that to be the case. She’d been working tirelessly on this poem for the better part of the morning. She took out the lined sheet and read it to herself. She was thinking of calling it “To W…” without giving any other hint of whom the poem was written for. She knew many poets, such as William Shakespeare, wrote sonnets and titled them that way.

To W…

When I gaze in your beautiful brown eyes

I feel my throbbing heart increase in size

With all the love I hold inside for you

I promise, my darling, I will always be true.

I loved you deeply right from the start

And now no one can ever sunder us apart.

If I could only hold you tightly in my arms…

She hesitated. That word “arms” was a stumper. “Charms” would rhyme, but she couldn’t figure out how to work it in. She tapped her pencil against her lips and then crossed it out. She’d come up with something better. Her thoughts returned to Winston. As a seventh grader, she’d taken a class in dating etiquette, anticipating the opportunities that would crop up for her in eighth grade. She’d learned what topics were suitable for conversation with a boy and what to say at the door at the end of a date. In her mind, the boy’s face was amorphous, his features shifting to resemble whatever movie star she was currently smitten with. She imagined him kind and gentle, appreciative of her many fine qualities. She’d had no idea then how soon Winston would appear in her life, the epitome of all her dreams. She did think he’d exhibited a certain interest in her, at least until Violet showed up.