S is for Silence (Kinsey Millhone 19)

“Why’d you stay?”

“Dumb, I guess. I don’t know, it seems so long ago. Sometimes I can hardly remember what it was like. Not good, I know. Why I stayed was I loved that woman more than life itself.”

“I understand,” I said, though the statement was preposterous, given what I’d heard.

He went on. “Anyway, I’m not the only one who had complaints. She wasn’t happy, but she stayed on, too. At least until she went.”

“Daisy tells me you believe she was having an affair.”

“I know she was.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“Aside from the fact that she told me?”

“Really. What’d she say?”

“She said he was twice the man I was. She said he was a tiger in bed. I don’t want to go into that. She cut me to the quick, which is what she intended.”

“Maybe she was making it up.”

“No, ma’am. Not her. There was someone all right. You can trust me on that.”

“Do you have any idea who?”

“No.”

“There was no one you suspected even the tiniest bit?”

He shook his head. “At first, I thought it was someone from Santa Maria or Orcutt, somewhere like that, but there was never a claim from anyone else about a missing spouse, which is why no one gives credence to anything I say.”

“Let’s talk about you. What’s your story?”

“I don’t have a story. Like what?”

I shrugged. “Were you ever in the military?”

He shook his head, his expression sour, as though I was adding one more item to his list of grievances. “Army wouldn’t take me: 1941 when the war broke out, I was fifteen years old. As soon as I turned eighteen, I tried to enlist, but the physical messed me up. Teeth were bad. You were supposed to have six biting teeth and six chewing teeth lined up right. I didn’t get mine fixed until later. By then, I could see how being in the army wasn’t such a hot idea. Bunch of boys from around here went off and never did come back.”

“Daisy told me Violet was fifteen when you married her.”

“Bet she told you why, too.”

“I know she was pregnant. Did you ever think about putting the baby up for adoption?”

“Violet would have done that or worse, but I stood in her way. I wanted that child. I wanted to get married and raise a family. She acted like I forced it on her, which maybe I did, but I thought she’d adjust.”

“Fifteen is young,” I said, stating the obvious to keep the conversation afloat.

“Violet was never young. She told me once she was fooling around by the time she was twelve. I wasn’t the first to have her and I certainly wasn’t the last.”

“Did that bother you?”

“Her past? I didn’t care about that. What bothered me was everything she did after. You probably heard I hit her, but there’s two sides to every story. She was unfaithful-time and time again-and I defy any man who says he can live with a thing like that. Could you live with it?”

“That’s what divorce is for,” I said, blandly.

“I know, but I loved her. I didn’t want to live without her. I thought I might knock a little sense into her. That’s all I was trying to do. I know I was wrong. Sometimes I can’t believe I ever thought that way, but I did. She was stubborn… willful… and she never changed her ways. I was as good to her as I knew how and she left us anyway. About broke my heart.”

“And you’ve never remarried?”

“How could I? I have nothing to offer. I can’t say I’m divorced, can’t say I’m a widower. Not that any woman’s asked. Once Daisy left home, I took this job. Pastor gave me a place to live and I’ve been here ever since.” He was silent for a moment, emotion churning under the surface.

“Tell me about the car.”

“I can tell you exactly. Her and me had a fight. I forget now over what. I tore down a panel of her lace curtains and she went berserk, tore down the rest and threw them in the trash. She went over to the Moon and I followed her. We started drinking and she calmed down some. I thought everything was okay, but that’s when she up and told me she was leaving me. She said it was over and she’d be gone the next day. I didn’t believe a word. Violet said things like that every other week. This time she was crying so hard it tore me up. I was sorry for what I’d done. I knew those lace curtains meant something to her. I wanted to make up for that and everything else.