S is for Silence (Kinsey Millhone 19)
Violet studied him. “How’re you holding up? You don’t look so hot yourself.”
He lifted his beer bottle. “This helps.”
“Ain’t that the truth,” she said, and clicked her wineglass against his bottle. “Why is it men are always trying to prove how tough they are? Situation like yours, what harm would it do to talk about it?”
“What for? I live with it from day to day. Last thing I need is talk on top of that.”
“You sound just like me. Too proud to admit when you’re hurting. I can sit here in tears and everybody thinks it’s just something I do. You’re the first guy ever offered to have a decent conversation.”
“I don’t call this a conversation.”
“But there’s hope of one,” she said.
“What about Padgett? He was talking to you.”
“He’s about as popular as me. People think I’m a whore and he’s a fool. Gives us something in common.”
“Is that true?”
“What, about him or me?”
“I couldn’t care less about him. What’s the deal on you?”
She smiled. “It’s like that song about the Whiffenpoofs… What the hell’s a Whiffenpoof? You ever ask yourself that?”
“What song?”
“The duet Bing Crosby and Bob Hope sang in Road to Bali. ” She started to sing a fragment in a voice that was surprisingly sweet. “’Damned from here to eternity. Lord have mercy on such as we.’” Her smile was weary. “That’s the deal on me. Damned.”
“Because of Foley?”
“Everything wrong in my life is because of him.”
“I thought you liked tussling with him. You do it often enough.”
“Tussling? Well, I guess that’s one way to put it. Foley pounds the shit out of me on a regular basis and I got the black eyes to prove it, but does anybody ask how I’m doing? He could knock me to the floor and nobody’d offer me a hand. I don’t want pity, but once in a while I’d like to think someone gives a shit.” She stopped and then smirked. “Listen to me. I sound like a victim. Nobody likes a victim, least of all me.”
“Why do you put up with it? That’s what I don’t get.”
“What choice do I have? I can’t leave him. He’s threatened to kill me and I know he’d do it for sure. Foley’s a psychopath. Besides, if I left what would become of Daisy?”
“You could take her with you.”
“And do what? I got married at fifteen and never held a job in my life. I wouldn’t even know where to begin.”
“What about that money you’re always talking about.”
“I’m biding my time. I figure I’ve got one shot and I’m not about to blow it. Anyway, Daisy’s crazy about her daddy.”
“Most girls are crazy about their daddies. I’m sure she’s crazy about you, too. What’s that got to do with it?”
“Daisy’s crazier than most. She thinks Foley hung the moon, so why should I get in the way? Sometimes I think they’d be better off without me. I mean, it’s one thing if I leave, but take away his little girl? He’d rip my heart out, if he hadn’t already done it.”
Jake shook his head. “He doesn’t deserve either one of you.”
“No fooling.”
“So what’d you see in him?”
“He was a sweet guy when the two of us hooked up. It’s the alcohol does him in. Sober, he’s not all that bad. Well, some bad, but not as horrible as you’d think. Of course, he says he’s forced to drink to put up with the likes of me.”
“What’s he have to put up with? You’re a beautiful woman. I can’t picture any big hardship living with you.”
“I’m a pain.”
“How’s that?”
“I got a reputation as a party girl for one thing. According to him, I don’t do anything right and that sets him off. No matter what I do, he’s never satisfied. After work, he walks in the door and starts in on me. Either the house is a mess or his dinner’s not hot enough or I forgot to take the dirty clothes to the Laundromat again. He wants to know where I’ve been, wants to know who I talked to, and where I was every time he tried to call me during the day. I’m thinking, what am I, his slave? I’m entitled to a life. I try to keep my mouth shut, but he lays into me and I have to fight back. How else can I hang on to my self-respect?”