My Sweet Bully

Except no one can see what I do. They can’t see the beauty under his harsh shell.

But I can.

“So, I saw a flier for prom today—Starry Night. Does that mean it’s going to reflect the Van Gogh painting?” Pulling a plastic bag from the sea grass, I crumble it in my palm.

I’m not sure how to ask him exactly. Do I come right out and say it? Do I poke the bear a little, and see what he does?

“Who’s Van Gogh?” he asks, looking over at me. I open my mouth to answer him, but he cuts me off. “I’m kidding, I know who he is. He’s a painter, the one who cut his ear off, right?” I nod. “People think I’m stupid, they see me as some muscle headed asshole. What they don’t realize is that I’m not as dumb as I look.”

“Stop, I know you’re not dumb.”

Veering his stare, he glares at me with a flat expression. “But you think I look dumb?”

“What?” I blurt loudly, waving a hand back and forth. “No, no, that’s not what I mean. I just meant—”

“I know, I’m fucking with you.” He smirks, coming to my side and taking a seat on one of the rocks. “You know what I have been thinking about though?”

“What?” I ask.

Flashing me a big smile, he leans into me. “The way you felt wrapped around me over the weekend.”

My heart pitter patters in my chest, and I hold my breath. I’m tongue tied, unable to formulate any words.

“Did I just embarrass you?” Max chuckles as he lays his trash poker down and braids his fingers together. He looks up at the officer quickly, making sure he isn’t watching us. “It was really fucking hot. I’m not lying.”

Nervously, I smile. My body is warming up as tingles run up and down my legs, coalescing as a heat between my thighs. I can feel myself getting wetter and wetter. Rubbing my legs back and forth, I swallow the lump in the back of my throat.

“Prom is a few months away, do a lot of people usually go?”

“Prairie, it’s one high school, where most of the students are related one way or another. Everyone goes.”

Just ask him already.

Stop procrastinating!

“Let me ask you this then, what do you think about going with me?”

“Wow,” he says, his eyes growing wide. “I think you’re reading me all wrong. You assume a lot by asking me that.”

What the hell does that mean?

“You know what, forget it. Forget I asked.” Standing up, I tear my gloves off, and stuff them into his garbage bag. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

I thought maybe that there’s something between us. I thought he’s feeling the same things I am. Obviously, I’m wrong.

How stupid am I?

The only feeling Max knows is hate. We slept together, that was it. It wasn’t an expression of his feelings for me. It had nothing to do with me at all. That night was about primal need, it was built off the nature of sex, not the heart that is sometimes paired with it.

Tears bubble up over my eyes, the anger and stupidity I’m feeling are coiling inside my gut like thick vines. My stomach twists as I jerk my body to turn and storm off.

I’m not going to stand here anymore and look as dumb as I feel. Asking him was a mistake.

Max lashes out and nabs my wrist. “Whoa, where are you going?” he asks.

Yanking myself free, I let my arms dangle with precision at my sides. My fists are clenched, my nails are digging into my palms. All because Max doesn’t have a fucking heart.

Paint your world in black, and it will die around you. Praise the negative, and only bad will come.

But I’m not going to live that way. I want happiness, and that’s what I’ll always walk toward.

“I’m leaving, where the hell do you think I’m going?” Taking a few steps backwards, I hold out my arms. “But don’t worry, I won’t bother you anymore, I see where I stand now.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Max pushes himself off the rock. and throws his arms out to the sides. “Where is this coming from?”

“It’s fine, really. I get it, I was misreading things, it’s not a big deal. You hate me, I ruined your life, why wouldn’t you just use me?” Twisting around, I follow the line where the wet and dry sand meet, dropping my head to look down at my feet.

“Prairie, wait,” he calls out. “Hear me out for a second.” His voice is behind me as he latches a strong hand around my wrist, and forces me stop. “That’s not true, that’s not what happened.”

“Let me go, Max,” I snap through grit teeth, attempting to break free from him a second time. Yanking my arm down, he quickly wraps his other arm around my back, and tries to pull me into his chest. “Come on, I want to go. Just let me go.”