If I Fall (Unraveling You 5)
Prologue
Sadie
I remember the first time I tried it. It tasted like poison. And somehow, the poison burned the fear out of me.
For a moment, I broke free of my past and the scary, unfamiliar world that terrified me every hour of every day. It felt like I could do anything.
Then came the fall. And eventually, I had to crash.
This is the start of my story. The start of my addiction to drugs, to numbness, to self-destruction. It’s not pretty. It’s not romantic, at least not in the beginning and the middle. And most of the time, it’s painful and heartbreaking.
I guess it’s not just my story. It’s also Sage’s, since we sort of fell together.
And of course, it’s the dead girl’s. Because, without her, there might not even be a story.
Two and half years before the start of the fall
Chapter 1
Sadie
I’m going to die today. I can sense it in the air. Weakened, beaten, bleeding, I wait for death to take me away. I almost welcome it. Once death arrives, the pain, the desolation, the sheer helplessness, and the torture, it will all be over.
Come and get me. I’m ready. Please, please, please.
Water rivers over my feet, the coldness seeping into my skin, begging me to give in.
Yes, yes, come take me away.
Let me sink into the water.
Falling, falling weightlessly.
I won’t bother coming up for air.
Because sometimes, it’s harder to breathe,
Than it is to be submersed in water.
“Sadie, open your eyes. You need to go. Now.”
The voice sounds far away, nearly untouchable, yet it rings with familiarity.
“Come on, Sadie. It’s time to get up,” the voice begs. “You can get out now, but only if you open your eyes and run. They’re gone. You can get away. But you have to get up.”
Summoning the last of my energy, I lift my heavy eyelids and raise my head. Squinting against the darkness I’ve grown used to in the almost two years I have been here, I take in the four brick walls, rotting with murky water, and the cracked and caved-in concrete floor now flooded with lake water.
“What’s happening?” I whisper as water gushes through the gaps in the floor, slowly filling up the room we’re trapped in.
“What’s happening is that you’re going to die.” A girl steps out from the shadows like a ghost, her skin as pale as the moonlight peeking through the thin cracks in the roof.
Recognition clicks. I know this girl. I watched her die. How is she here? Am I that close to death that I’m seeing the dead?
“Unless you get up now.”
“I can’t go anywhere. I’m trapped.” I move my arm forward, and surprisingly, it moves freely. I turn my head to glance behind me. The chains that were once fastened to my wrists now hang down the wall. “I’m free,” I breathe out as the water soaks the rags of clothing I’m wearing. “Oh, my God, this can’t be happening … I’m dreaming. I have to be dreaming.”
“You’re not dreaming.” She steps toward me, moving through the water that now reaches her knees. “But you’re not free yet, either. You need to get up and run before you drown.”
I look down at the swishing water that is rising higher and higher. For the briefest instant, I contemplate staying where I am, letting the water bury me, ending the pain.
Drown, drown, drown me,
Burying me where I lay.
I have no fight left.
It seems easier to stay.
What happens if I go?
What happens if I fight?
Where will I go?
To a life I don’t know.
A life full of struggle.
A life crushed with pain.
Broken cracks in the ground.
Fragile glass,
Waiting to split open,
And drag me back down.
Free?
Is there such a thing?
Is it worth it?
To fight?
“What about your brother?” The girl stops in front of me with her hand outstretched. “Are you just going to let him suffer, too? Are you just going to give up? Let them win? Please, don’t let them win. Please, get out and fight. Make them suffer. For you, for your brothers, your mother, me, and everyone else they hurt.”
The icy water seeps into my skin, drenching my clothes and making my body feel heavy as it rises up to my neck. My limbs, my heart, my mind, they all want to give up, put me out of my misery. But my soul, it pleads with me not to give up just get.
As the water reaches my lips, I suck in a breath, lean up, and grab the dead girl’s hand. My fingers slip through hers as I stumble to my feet. My malnourished body can hardly support itself, and I almost fall right back down.
“Be strong,” the girl says. Then she turns and wades through the water toward the collapsing doorway. “Follow me.”
I take a deep breath and step forward. My legs wobble, and the weight of the water nearly sends me back to the ground. However, I do what the girl said and dig out every ounce of strength I have in me as I trail behind her and out the door.
The water rises higher and higher as we make our way through the collapsing house. The air reeks of rotting bones and flesh, but I’m used to the stench by now. The floor cuts into my bony, bare feet, and the freezing cold water sends my muscles into a fit. I shiver uncontrollably, my body shutting down.
“Don’t give up,” she begs, guiding me toward a thick door. “We’re almost there.”
Don’t give up.
Don’t give up.
Don’t give up.
“Open your eyes, Sadie,” she says. “You’re free.”
My eyelashes flutter open, and all I see is light. Everywhere. Flashing. Stinging my eyes.
“I’m free …” My knees buckle out from under me.
“Almost,” she whispers in my ear. “But first, you need to free me.”
“How do I do that?” I ask through my chattering teeth. “You’re dead.”
The only answer I get is the screeching of sirens.
Almost two years later… A couple of weeks before the start of the fall…
Chapter 2
Sadie
The girl standing in the middle of the courtroo
m is dead. I saw her die two years ago. I watched her bleed to death and take her final breath. I haven’t seen her since she helped me escape that house, and honestly, I always thought I hallucinated her. That maybe her appearance that night was my soul’s way of begging me not give up. That even though I was scared, there was a life waiting for me outside of that house. Now, she’s here again, watching me with her sunken eyes. Completely coherent, it’s hard to deny she might be real.
Maybe she’s not dead? Maybe I’m not the only one who can see her?
My palms dampen with sweat as I frantically look around the room. No one appears to be alarmed, and they’d definitely be terrified if they could see her. With her blood-stained hair, ghostly pale skin, frail body, and a thinned face covered in scratches, her appearance is startling.
“You’re the only one who can see me,” she says, as if reading my mind. “But I think, deep down, you know that already. Just like you know why I’m really here.”