If I Fall (Unraveling You 5)

I promptly shake my head. “I’m far from lucky. In fact, I’m probably the unluckiest person ever.”

“You might think that, but I know it’s not true.”

I swallow hard. “You barely know me, Sage, so trust me when I say that I won’t bring you any sort of luck.”

His lips part then close. Part then close. Then he starts to reach for me then withdraws.

I watch his hand dance back and forth, terrified he’s actually going to put his fingers on my leg, touch me, create skin-to-skin contact. What if I freak out? Or worse, what if I like it way too much?

“You’re right.” He flexes his fingers as he settles his hand on his lap. “I don’t know you that well, but I think I should. I mean, you’re living with Ayden and Lyric now, and I hang around with them all the damn time. Too much, probably … I think we should at least try to be friends. That way, you won’t be so uncomfortable when I’m over here.”

I feel exposed, raw, like someone sliced me open and showed him all the fear living under my skin. Is it really that obvious that I’m terrified of him? Can everyone see it? See how I think the world is a big, scary place? If he can see it, can he see what else I’m hiding? Can he see how crazy I am?

“I’m not uncomfortable.” I wring my hands on my lap. “I’m just—”

“For the love of God, will you please stop trying to force her to be your friend,” Nolan says as he joins us, carrying a box of cookies. “Seriously, man, you’re embarrassing yourself.”

“I never embarrass myself.” Sage smirks at him from over his shoulder. “That’s your thing.”

“That’s such bullshit.” Nolan sinks down on the floor to the side of us and stretches out his legs as he pops a cookie into his mouth. “I can name, like, a hundred times this year alone you’ve made yourself look like an asshole.”

Sage shakes his head, a grin playing at the corners of his lips. “You’re so full of shit. You don’t have any dirt on me. No one does. And you know why? Because I never get embarrassed.”

Nolan swallows the cookie, then a smirk spreads across his face. “Two words. Maggie McMellford.”

Sage’s grin plummets. “That doesn’t count. And it didn’t happen this year.”

Nolan reaches into the box of cookies, looking rather pleased with himself. “Who gives a shit if it didn’t happen this year? It still happened.”

“You promised you’d never bring that up,” Sage warns, blasting Nolan with a look that could kill.

“No, I promised I’d never tell anyone what exactly happened,” Nolan retorts, resting back on his hands. “And technically, I haven’t. All I said was her name.”

My curiosity gets the best of me. “Who’s Maggie McMellford?”

“No one,” Sage says quickly at the same time Nolan grins and says, “An old friend of Lyric’s.”

Recognition clicks. “I actually think I met her a few times. Is she the girl who’s always … who likes to … who likes guys a lot?”

Nolan nods. “That’d be the one.”

I want to ask what happened between Sage and Maggie, but with how uncomfortable Sage is acting, I have a feeling I might not be able to handle hearing the answer without getting embarrassed myself.

“You know, I don’t think you ever completely explained what happened between you two that night,” Nolan continues to torment Sage. “I only got some of the details.”

“And that’s all you’ll ever get,” Sage says firmly. “So quit being a dick and drop it.”

Nolan points a finger at Sage. “That was payback for telling Lyric about what happened with me and Janey.”

Sage rolls his eyes. “You deserved that.”

“No, I didn’t. You were just trying to be an ass.” Nolan throws a cookie at Sage, and it pegs him in the forehead.

Sage glares at Nolan. Then an unexpected smile spreads across Sage’s face as he turns toward me. “Want to hear a little story about a girl named Janey who Nolan thought he was in love with?”

Nolan chucks another cookie at Sage. Sage picks it up and tosses it back at Nolan. Nolan laughs wickedly when he catches it in his mouth, and Sage shakes his head with annoyance.

Watching the two of them fight, I feel so … normal. Simply a girl hanging out with some friends or something. I just wish my heart would chill out and let me experience it fully without the anxiety.

“Well, one good thing came out of this fight.” Nolan picks up pieces of cookie from off the floor. “We got Sadie to smile.”

Sage’s gaze slides to mine, and his lips rise into a grin. “Well, will you look at that? Something good did come out of that disaster with Maggie McMellford.”

“I smile a lot,” I attempt to argue, knowing it’s not true.

The guys exchange a discreet, unconvinced look, making me feel like a freak of nature.

“You’re just not around me that much. But I do. I swear.”

Sage thrums his finger against his lip. “Hmmm … Maybe. But I think, just so we have proof …” He doesn’t finish the thought as he sticks his hand into the pocket of his jeans and retrieves his phone. When he glances at the screen, his lips curve downward. Then pain and anger floods his eyes as he clutches the crap out of it.

I want to ask him what’s upset him, but I’m nowhere near that bold.

With the snap of a finger, he then shakes the feelings away and snaps a photo of me.

I’m not sure if I’m smiling, but I’m sure I look silly—I usually do in photos. Still, he seems pleased with the picture, assessing his work with a smile. Watching him smile somehow makes the corners of my lips pull upward, and when he looks up at me again, I probably look like a grinning idiot.

He chews on his bottom lip, mulling something over. “It looks good, but I think we need to take one more.”

A second later, the magical, almost normal moment obliterates into dust as Sage stands up from the stool, moves beside me, and starts to lean in closer, closer, closer …

I know what he’s trying to do. He wants to take a friendly photo of me and him. I know he won’t hurt me, but he gets too close too fast. Like really, really freaking close. I can feel his body heat drenching my skin. And the scent of his cologne mixed with cigarettes drowns me, pushes me down.

Sage must sense my fear because he suddenly freezes. “I’m sorry,” he quickly says, shifting away from me.

I struggle to get air into my lungs so I can tell him it’s okay.

It’s going to be okay.

You’re not there anymore.

But I can’t calm myself down enough to form words, and Sage and Nolan look horrified as I verge toward a panic attack.

Sage slowly backs away from me with his hands up. “Sadie, it’s okay. I was only trying to take a picture of us.”

No, it’s not okay.

Nothing will ever be okay.

Because I’ll never be okay.

“You deserve things to be that way.” The girl appears in the corner again. “Don’t you?”

I smash my quivering lips together, fighting back the tears as what I hoped would be a happy day turns into a disaster. I feel my sanity cracking, and the insanity pushing its way out. I’m going to lose it, right here, in front of Sage and Nolan.

Fortunately, for the sake of scaring the shit out of Sage and Nolan even more, the front door opens, and Lyric and Ayden walk in, carrying bags of groceries.

Relief washes over as I quickly jump to my feet. “I can carry in more groceries if you need me to.”

“Sure. There’s a couple more bags in the car.” Ayden sets the bags he’s carrying down on the floor, his brows pulling together as I hurry across the living room toward the front door. “Is everything okay?”

I bob my head up and down. “I just want to help. You guys have been so good to me, letting me live here. I want to make sure I pull my weight.”

He’s not buying my excuse, but he lets me pass by, anyway.

As I run out the front door, I hear Lyric say in a teas

ing tone, “Man, we haven’t even been in our place for one day and you guys are already over here, eating up all my food. Sheesh. We need to set some boundaries or something.”

I keep walking as quickly as I can across the grass in front of the condo and to the carport. When I reach Lyric’s car, I allow a few tears to slip out as I lower my head into my hands.

“Why can’t I just be normal?” I curse in frustration. “What the hell is wrong with me?”

“Sadie.” Ayden’s voice startles me, and I jerk my head up. He’s standing a few steps away from me with his hands in his pockets and a cautious look on his face. “There’s nothing wrong with you at all.”

“I didn’t mean for you to hear that,” I admit, wiping away the tears with the back of my hand. “I’m sorry. I was just having a weird moment.”

“Don’t ever apologize for crying.” Ayden knows me well enough to approach slowly. “I want you to feel comfortable enough around me that you don’t have to hide how you feel.”

“I’m not hiding how I feel.” I lean back against the car, folding my arms around myself. “I just don’t want to burden you with my problems.”