Honeymoon from Hell I (Honeymoon from Hell 1)

“Get the hell off me!” she snapped as she wiggled to free her legs, but the large bastard sitting across them refused to budge.

“Shhhh,” Jason whispered as he gave her ass another one of those patronizing rubs that was going to get his ass kicked. “I’m on the phone with Grandma.”

“Oh thank God,” she murmured as she reached back and wiggled her fingers in demand. “Give me the phone.”

“She’s not going anywhere,” Jason explained as he continued to rub her ass.

Frustrated beyond belief, she shifted until she was on her elbows and could glare back at the large bastard sitting on her. “Let me go, Jason,” she bit out, not even bothering to beg her Grandmother for help since she already knew where her grandmother’s loyalty now stood.

“That’s really not going to work for me,” he said absently, as he shifted to get more comfortable, which she took as her cue to try to wiggle her way to freedom.

She managed to shift forward an inch only to growl in frustration when he used his hold on her ass to pull her back. “Let me go!”

“Shh, still talking,” he whispered loudly, giving her ass another rub, which she really seemed to hate.

She turned around and dropped her face in her hands, needing a moment to calm down while she listened to Jason promise her Grandmother that everything was going according to plan and that he’d call her after the deed was done. When she heard him end the call, she took another deep, calming breath, something that she seemed to do a lot around him, and tried one last time to talk some sense into him.

“Jason, we don’t need to do this today. We could-”

“We’re doing this today,” he said, humming happily as he continued to rub her ass.

“But-”

“We’re getting married today,” he said firmly before adding, “Stop wrecking my special day!”

With a sigh, she shook her head and muttered, “I give up.”

“That’s probably for the best, my little grasshopper,” he murmured as she resigned herself to wait for the Justice of the Peace to show up and talk some sense into Jason.

She didn’t want him rushing into this only to regret it later. She loved him and wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, but not until she was sure that’s what he wanted as well and she didn’t count this impulsive move as any indication that he was ready to spend the rest of his life with her.

“What time will Grandma be here?” she mumbled against her folded arms, hoping that she could catch a ride back home with her Grandmother since Jason would probably be pouting over the fact that she made him wait to get married.

“She’s not coming,” he announced, making her frown, because this was her Grandmother, the person that she loved more than anything in this world, besides Jason that is, and she should be here for this.

“What do you mean she’s not coming?” she demanded as she pushed herself back up on her elbows just as a tall man with graying black hair walked in the room.

“It would only delay this,” Jason said, getting to his feet.

“Finally,” she muttered as she shifted into a sitting position and-

“Oh, come on!” she groaned when Jason swept her up in his arms. “Put me down!”

“Not yet,” Jason said, shifting her in his arms as he carried her towards the front of the courtroom.

“I’m not kidding, Jason!”

He leaned down and brushed his lips against hers. “You’re marrying me today and that’s final.”

She opened her mouth to demand her freedom when she caught sight of the panicked expression on the other man’s face. He looked down at the paper in his hands, looked back up at Jason only to look back down at the paper again, swallow and mumble, “Bradford.”

She watched in horrified fascination as he dropped the paper, turned right back around and ran towards the door he’d just come through when Jared stepped inside the courtroom, blocking his path. The terrified man gasped, turned around and ran towards the back of the courtroom where ten more Bradfords suddenly appeared, blocking his path as more of them filed into the room, taking up positions in front of the windows and doors.

It was then that she realized that she wasn’t leaving until she’d said, “I do.”

*-*-*-*

“I’m in my safe place. I’m in my safe place,” the Justice of the Peace mumbled around soft sobs from where he sat, huddled in the corner, rocking himself gently back and forth as he kept his hands firmly locked over his ears and his eyes squeezed shut. “I’m in my safe place…”

Biting back a yawn, Jason shifted his attention away from the man having some sort of meltdown to his lovely wife, who was currently trying to fight her way past a group of his cousins and uncles in an attempt to kick his ass.

“I’m only going to hurt him a little,” she said, desperately trying to push past his Uncle Ethan before adding, “I promise!”

Deciding that she just needed a few minutes to come to terms with the overwhelming sense of joy that she was obviously struggling to accept, he returned his attention to the display of brochures by the door. There were quite a few places that would be ideal for a honeymoon, bed and breakfasts, romantic inns, nature walks, cottages on the beach, resorts, but none of them were good enough for his wife.

“Don’t do it,” his father said, stepping up next to him to stare down at the brochure display.

“Do what?” he absently asked as he picked up a brochure on cave exploration.

“You know what,” his father said, reaching over to tap a brochure back in place.

“You’ll regret it,” his Uncle Ethan said, joining them.

“You really will,” his Uncle Seth said as he walked over and leaned a shoulder against the wall, “trust me.”

“The curse is bullshit,” Jason pointed out as he returned the brochures on caves and picked one up for an outlet shopping mall.

“Really?” his father drawled, sounding amused, “Then what would you call the fucked up time that your mother and I had on our honeymoon?”

“Bad luck,” he said, wondering if Haley would be interested in getting matching tattoos this week before quickly dismissing it, knowing her well enough to know that she’d probably get that bastard Derek Jeter’s name tattooed on her ass. Since that just wasn’t going to work for him, he moved on.

“So every Bradford that ever attempted to take his wife on a honeymoon within the first year of marriage in the last two hundred years and barely made it out alive was just having bad luck?” Uncle Ethan asked, sounding more amused than insulted.

“Yes,” he said with absolutely no hesitation, because if there was one thing that he knew, it was when someone in his family was trying to bullshit him.

Uncle Seth pursed his lips up thoughtfully as he considered that. “Is that what you really think?”

“Absolutely,” he said with a heavy sigh as he moved onto a brochure pushing the wonders of bird watching.

“Don’t do this, Jason,” his father said softly.

“She deserves a honeymoon,” he simply said, dismissing the idea of being trapped in a plastic tent with ten thousand butterflies and grabbing a brochure for mineral hunting instead.

“Then give her one, but not yet. Wait until after your first anniversary and take her somewhere special,” his father whispered urgently. “The moment that you announce to her that you’re taking her on a honeymoon all hell will break loose, things will get fucked up quickly and you’ll be lucky to make it out of this thing alive.”

“What do you expect me to do now? Take her home, get up early in the morning and go to work like nothing’s changed?” he asked,