He made a strange sound. I couldn’t tell if it was anger, frustration, or desperation, then his arm snapped around my waist in a strong grip. Before I could even gasp, he had pulled me to him. Then his lips swooped on mine.
It was the kiss of a starving man. It stole my breath away, my eyes clenched shut and my heart thundered in my chest as I went still.
Slowly, the kiss became buttery soft before he dragged his mouth away. “No matter what happens I want you to know … I don’t regret taking you and I never will. Nothing and no one can ever change that.”
Dazed, I stared into his stormy eyes. My mouth hung open while my chest was heaving as I gasped for air. I felt as if the ground beneath me had given away.
He was watching me silently, in that hooded way of his, but it was as if he could see into my very soul.
I turned blindly away from him and focused my gaze on my plate. It looked blurry. I picked up the fork that had fallen from my hand.
He still hadn’t answered me, not really.
I looked back at him and words tumbled out of my mouth, “I know about your family and everything and I’m not asking for a future with you, Levan. I just want to know what I am to you?”
He shot to his feet so fast, the stool fell back.
The sound, so loud in the empty space, I jumped. I said nothing and watched him pace the kitchen floor restlessly, like a caged animal. It became clear he was in torment.
He held onto the edge of the counter, his head lowered towards the pile of dishes. “I’ve always wanted you,” he muttered. He raised his head and looked at me. “From the moment I laid eyes on you, I couldn’t get you out of my head. And last night … last night I lost the fight. I couldn’t hold myself back a moment longer. I went to you the way a heroin addict plunges a needle into his own fucking arm. There is nothing, nothing more important than what is in that needle to him. And even while the blood flows out of him, he is in ecstasy. That is what you are to me. Dangerous ecstasy.”
I drew a shaking breath. The intensity with which he spoke left me in no doubt of his sincerity. “So now what?”
“To be with you, Bianca, in the way that we both want, I’ll have to make a very hard choice.”
“Haven’t you already? You took me away from Bogdan.”
“No, I haven’t. That was the simple choice, because I’d rather lose my life than see any harm come to you.”
My throat tightened. “What is more important than your life,” I whispered.
“The hard choice,” he admitted sadly, “is abandoning my world so that I can give you one that you deserve. Doing that will mean turning my back on the two people that mean the world to me. You will not understand it, because such things are alien in your world, but taking that step is tantamount to unforgivable betrayal.”
I had absolutely no clue of what to say. I opened my mouth, but no words would come out. All I could do was call his name. That one word that expressed everything I could not say.
He came to me and I allowed his arms to engulf me. For the longest time, we remained in that spot, the undercurrents of sizzling passion and budding love making our blood hum. In his arms, there was so much that became brighter, so much I wanted to look forward to. So much I wanted to dream about and also so much I was afraid of. I pulled away and looked into his eyes. “I would never want you to give up your family.”
“I know,” he murmured gently. “You’re very similar to my mother.”
That came out of left field. “What?” I asked, unsure whether I should be flattered or insulted. Neither he nor Aldie had ever mentioned her before and to my shame, I had always been so enamored by him I’d never thought to ask either. I didn’t even know if she was still alive.
“Both of you have the same temperament,” he explained. “Kindhearted, soft, but extremely strong headed. You chart your own rules without apology, and you only bend it for one thing. Love. Others can walk away when the going gets hard, but not you. Not when you’ve made a commitment. Even if that will spell a life of misery. Then you’ll carry on even if you can barely stomach the grief. Even if it kills you. I don’t want to do that to you.”
I couldn’t believe how much he saw me. It terrified me. No matter what, I didn’t want to lose him.