Fight or Flight

I frowned at this surprising lead. “Okay.”

His gaze sharpened, those ice eyes holding me captive. “But I dinnae like it. You said something last night … about how we all have flaws. How you have flaws. You just admitted it, no big deal. Some people can’t admit their shortcomings, you know that.”

I snorted. “Yeah, I’m aware of that, believe me.”

“I can. But honesty isn’t one of them. I’ve been told I can be honest tae a fault.”

I believed it. “You can be pretty blunt sometimes, yes.”

“Aye.” He seemed to deliberate for a second and then sighed. “I’m not used tae being around one woman long enough for honesty tae become a problem. I’m up front from the start that it’s just sex. We have sex. One of us goes home, end of story.”

A sharp, burning tightness spread across my chest in a flash of horrible intensity and I fought to mask the bolt of jealousy I felt. I apparently did not like the thought of Caleb with other women.

Wonderful.

“You’re telling me this why?”

Caleb’s expression softened a little. “This is just physical, like we agreed.”

I nodded because I couldn’t bring myself to outright lie to him.

“And I know not too long ago we didn’t like each other much.”

Whatever this conversation was, I wanted it to end because I had a feeling he was going to hurt me again. “Caleb, if this is about last night and Patrice offering up information about me—”

“I like you,” he cut me off. The words were sweet but said in an annoyed growl.

“Oh.” Something like hope began to blossom inside of me. And that confused the hell out of me—since when did I want anything meaningful with a guy?

“There’s a lot tae like, Ava. From what I can see so far, you aren’t at all what I expected.”

I smiled. “Thank you, I think.”

Caleb didn’t smile. “I think maybe you like me a little bit too.”

If he could be honest, then so could I. “I do.”

“But this is still just sex.”

His words cut right through my hope and I did my damn best to hide it. “I—I never said it wasn’t.”

“Last night I sent you home when I wanted you in my bed. I worried we were crossing a line at dinner.”

“I was worried about that too. But I never thought anything had changed between us.”

“Good. Here’s the thing … I enjoy you. I want tae enjoy you for the next week, and I’d quite like tae be able tae do it freely without worrying that if we have an actual conversation that I’m sending you the wrong message.”

Understanding dawned and I clarified, “You want us to just enjoy each other but doing so fully understanding what this is.”

“Exactly.” He stood up, towering over me, and I had to tilt my head to keep a hold of his gaze. “I dinnae believe in mind games or keeping a woman guessing where my head is at. That isn’t me. So this is where my head is at. Even if there wasn’t an actual ocean between us, I’m not a relationship kind of guy. I never will be. But I genuinely like you, and I dinnae mind us having a friendship between us if you dinnae. As long as we both know that is all this is.”

His honesty was startling. The words coming out of his mouth were both reassuring and horrifying because they only made what I was beginning to feel for him more intense.

Caleb made me feel safe.

I felt like I might be able to trust him in a way I’d never dared to hope I could trust a guy again.

And he was telling me that he just wanted to be friends with benefits.

What the hell was I supposed to do now?

If I didn’t agree, he’d walk out of here and I’d never see him again. But I’d be in control of my life again.

Yet … wouldn’t I look back on my life and regret that decision? Wasn’t it better to enjoy what we had now while we could? Life was short after all. And Harper was right. I was never really in control of my life. I was letting my parents and the past dictate and control my decisions every time I tried to keep my life safe and conservative and restrained.

I stared up into Caleb’s rugged face, at those lips that made me feel things no man ever had. And I couldn’t imagine not having at least one more taste. “It sounds good to me,” I whispered, feeling my body begin to light up.

He bent his head toward me. Our kiss was slow, deep, sexy, and I felt I could rest easy knowing this man would miss this when he returned to Scotland.

The sound of a phone ringing ruined the moment, breaking our kiss.

I clasped his prickly cheek in hand. “You should go.”

“Tonight,” he said.

“Tonight,” was my answer.

Caleb nodded, satisfied. “Same time.”

“I’ll be there.”

With one last searing look, Caleb crossed the room, unlocked the door, and let himself out. I could only stare after him.

With him gone, reality came crashing back in and stayed there.

A miracle had happened.

I found myself feeling something for a guy. Actually, maybe, wanting to try out something real with him.

And he just happened to be the most brutally honest, commitment-phobic man I’d ever met.

Fifteen

Several days later I found myself standing on a checkered floor in a dark bar in Allston, wondering if inviting Caleb to come hear Vince’s band play was such a good idea after all.

The bar we were in was called Great Scott.

“I didn’t know,” I’d said to Caleb as we’d approached the building with the black awning over the front that had the words “Great Scott” in bold letters.

But Caleb had surprised me by halting, turning around, and capturing a selfie of himself with the awning in the background. I’d merely stood there beside a chuckling Harper, bemused by the uncharacteristic action. He’d shrugged when noting my bafflement. “For my wee sister. She’ll think it’s hilarious.”

“You have a sister?” Harper had asked as we strode inside the already busy bar.

From there Harper had grilled him a little about his family, and I now knew that he had brothers as well as sisters. His brother next to him in age was Jamie, thirty years old and a mixed-media artist who had found quite a bit of fame through social media (note to self to check out his social media accounts). Then there was Quinn. Caleb’s features strained as he clipped out the name, his gaze hardening. He divulged nothing about Quinn before moving on to their sister Fallon. She was twenty-eight and worked for the forestry commission. I didn’t know what that meant—I wanted to know, yet daren’t ask. I also wanted to know more about Quinn, but everything about Caleb screamed back off at the mere mention of him. After Fallon came Skye, a twenty-one-year-old junior whom Caleb sent the selfie to.

Now, as we drank beer and waited for Vince’s band to come on-stage, Harper continued to ask questions, making me fidget with discomfort. I was worried Caleb would think I’d put her up to it.

“Were your parents young when they had you?” she said to him.

He nodded. “My mum was only eighteen. My dad was twenty-one.”

“What do they do for a living if they had you so young? They couldn’t have had time for an education, popping out all those kids, right?”

I groaned inwardly. When Harper was curious about someone, her questions became blunt and almost interrogative.

To my relief, Caleb seemed merely amused by her. “My dad’s father owned a farm just outside of Linlithgow. The farm goes back four generations. My parents lived and worked there with my grandparents and when my grandfather passed away my dad took over the farm. It isn’t an easy life but it’s a good one. We learned tae work hard from a young age but we also had a very nice childhood.”

There he went surprising me again. Never would I have imagined that Caleb Scott had grown up on a working farm.

“And your parents are still there?”

“Aye. As is my gran. All still working away. Feeling the empty nest now that Skye’s off tae uni.”

“Well, Ava and I are envious as hell,” Harper said, speaking for us both, which might sound forward to some people, but I was used to it. And in this case, she was right. “It sounds idyllic growing up on a farm with four brothers and sisters, and parents that give a shit.”