Fight or Flight

I moved forward and rested my arms on her knees before placing my chin on them. “Yeah, and that lasted all of two days. And anyway, you know I’ll be your emotional punching bag anytime you need me to. That’s what family is for. To be good to each other, to be kind and loving for ninety-nine percent of the time, and to forgive each other the one percent of occasional shittiness.”

She wiped at her cheeks but the tears kept falling. “I let him, Ava,” she whispered. “I was in so much shock I didn’t even fight back. And then … all I could think about was if someone called the police and people found out what I’d let happen to me. So I stayed quiet and took the beating. I’ve never once not fought back in my entire life. I fight! So why did I just lay there like a coward? I’m a coward!”

“No.” I lifted myself up to grip her by the shoulders, forcing her to look me in the eye. “You are not a coward. You are one of the strongest people I know.” My vision turned blurry with my own tears. “This bad thing happened to you. You didn’t make it happen to you. Don’t let this change you, Harp. Please.”

“How can I not?” She shrugged sadly. “I’ve tried so hard to stay open with people despite everything. And look where it got me.” Her shoulders shook beneath my hands as she started to sob harder. “Only you, Ava. I’ve only got you. You’re the only one I trust.”

I grabbed her to me, feeling her tears against my skin as she sobbed into my neck. I held her tight, when what I longed to do was break down right along with her. Because I was afraid for her. I was afraid too much ugliness was going to turn her bitter.

“Shh,” I hushed, stroking her hair. “You have more than me. Look at where you are, Harp. Jason and Gillian are here for you too. And you are still an amazing and successful pastry chef. No one can take us or that from you.”

After a while she calmed down and pulled away. I got up to grab some tissues from the bathroom so she could wipe her nose. Her smile was small and shaky. “What a baby, right?”

“Babe, you mean,” I joked, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

She rolled her eyes. “Oh yeah, I’ve never looked hotter.”

“Well, you’ve never looked more badass.”

Thankfully she chuckled, throwing me a grateful look. “This is what I need from you. I need you—everyone—to not treat me like I’m fragile or like I might break at any second. I just want to be treated like Harper. Not like Harper, the chick who got her ass kicked by her druggy musician ex-boyfriend.”

“Okay.” I nodded. “I can do that. And so in that spirit I’m going to ask you if you’ve heard from Vince since he got out on bail?”

My friend glowered, but it wasn’t at me. “Yeah, he’s been calling. I finally answered the phone last night and told him that if he didn’t stop calling I’d file harassment charges to go along with the assault charges. And then I hung up. He hasn’t called again.”

“Good.”

Her sudden soft contemplation of me confused me. “What?” I asked.

She shrugged. “I just … I used to wonder about you. And Nick. After everything you told me about him, how much you used to love him, I could never really wrap my head around how you could just walk away from him even if he did cheat with Gemma. I never got it. How could you just stop loving someone because he made a mistake? I sometimes wondered if at first you were in denial about that … whether distance was really what made you get over him. I didn’t get it because there’s a part of me that still loves my mom.” Her eyes filled with fresh tears. “Not the mom I left behind but the mom of my childhood, you know. The one who loved me more than anything. I can’t make myself stop loving that mom. So I didn’t get it. You and Nick. But now I get it. His betrayal was a punch to the heart while Vince’s was literally a punch to the face. A moment so big that it kills every good feeling you ever had for them.”

“Yes,” I whispered.

“Shouldn’t I feel that about my mom too?” She wiped angrily at her tears. “Is there something wrong with me?”

“No, there isn’t.” I moved back to her, needing to touch her, comfort her, my heart breaking because hers was. “It’s like you said … it’s Greta you love.” I referred to her mother by name. “It’s your childhood mom. And as far as I’m concerned, she is a different person from the woman you left behind.” I rubbed her back, trying to soothe her, and when her breathing seemed to even out again, I said as gently as possible, “Maybe you should think about talking to someone.”

Harper stiffened beneath my touch. “A shrink?”

“A therapist. Someone who can give you an unbiased, rational sense of perspective so you can stop blaming yourself for feelings that are only natural.”

She was silent so long I wondered if I’d made a very bad move by bringing up the subject.

But then she gradually relaxed against my touch and whispered, “Would you come with me? I know they won’t let you in but … you could wait outside for me?”

Tears of gratitude blurred my vision and I leaned down to kiss her forehead, the tears spilling over with the movement. “Anything, Harp. I’d do anything.”

“Love you, Ava,” she whispered, her voice hoarse with emotion.

“I love you too.”

Twenty-six

Once a few days had passed, Jason and I moved Harper back to her apartment, and I stayed with her the first night. While she’d been at Jason’s, I’d had someone replace her door with one even sturdier than the last. However, I also suggested she find a new place so she didn’t have to worry about the possibility of Vince dropping by. The suggestion was met with approval and we’d already toured two apartments she liked, including a studio in Caleb’s building. I didn’t tell her it was Caleb’s building because I was worried she wouldn’t move in if she was embarrassed by what he’d witnessed. But I liked the idea of her in that building with its tight security. Plus, I would just feel safer knowing Caleb was there if she ever needed his help.

Being busy with Harper meant I didn’t see Caleb for four days. We stayed in contact and I heard his frustration the last time he called. There was a part of me that could no longer deny that I hoped his frustration was more emotional than sexual—or at least both.

Harper was back at Canterbury, and with each passing day she worked more and more hours. She basically, according to Jason, oversaw the kitchen and unnecessarily bossed people around. But in her own words it made her feel human again, so Jason was allowing it, as long as it didn’t interfere with service.

Finally, Caleb and I agreed I’d come over to his apartment on Friday after work.

Caleb: Don’t wear any underwear. I’ve no patience for it tonight.

I’d laughed at that text, assuming he was joking. But then I began to wonder.

That was a joke. Right?

Twenty minutes later I’d received:

Caleb: Since when do I tell jokes?

I’m wearing underwear. Deal with it.

Caleb: Then wear cheap underwear.

I don’t own cheap underwear. And why?

Caleb: Because I’m going to rip it off.

Then …

Caleb: I’m supposed to go into a meeting in five minutes and I’m hard thinking about tonight.

A thrill of lust shot through me.

See you tonight.

Caleb: I hope you don’t have any plans tomorrow.

Why?

Caleb: Because I’m not letting you out of my bed for the next 48 hours.

Desire consumed me, making my cheeks hot.

Then I guess I do have plans. Very sexy plans with a hot Scot.

Caleb: Good. See you soon.

However, when Caleb’s apartment door opened later that evening, I wasn’t greeted by the hot Scot I was most looking forward to greeting.

Jamie let me into the apartment, giving me an apologetic smile. “Caleb’s running late. I said I’d wait around tae let you into the apartment.”

His usual uniform of T-shirt and jeans had been replaced by a dark navy shirt and suit trousers. I gave myself permission to acknowledge that Jamie was sexy as hell.