I swear I heard someone somewhere behind us sigh loudly in envy.
That someone was Steph, by the way.
“I’m always pale,” I tried to tease but my smile faltered.
“You sure you’re okay?”
I didn’t want to tell him my paleness was only half due to natural skin pigmentation, the other half due to my worry for Stevie’s situation. Over the past few weeks any mention of Stevie made Tobias close up like a clam, so I’d stopped trying to talk about his cousin.
Mr. Stone walked into class saving me from having to make a decision about whether I should tell Tobias I’d seen Stevie cutting school for Dean. And as soon as class was finished, I told my boyfriend I’d meet him later so I could talk with Mr. Stone about the lit mag. I waited for the class to empty and before I could say anything, Mr. Stone grinned. “It’s ready to go.” He gestured me over to his computer and I waited impatiently for him to log on. “For now, Mrs. Penman would like us to see how popular the website proves before thinking of putting the magazine into print distribution.”
After typing in a web address, our new lit mag website loaded.
A felt a little flutter of excitement in my belly. A red banner across the top of the page and in white One Trick Pony font were the words Free Verse. Underneath was the subtitle “Blair Lochrie High School Literary Magazine.”
“Obviously it isn’t live. And we can change the name if you don’t like it.”
“I love it.” I grinned. “This is amazing. Do we have a team yet?”
“We’re getting there. I’ve got a couple of fourth years interested, and Pamela Perry.”
I tried not to blanch. Pamela was one of Heather’s minions. But, I shrugged it off. If the girl wanted to be part of the magazine, I wasn’t going to stop her. “She knows I’m the editor?” I asked tentatively.
“She does. Have you had any luck recruiting a team?”
I shook my head. “I’ll try again.” And I would. I wanted this magazine to work.
“I’m going to advertise the magazine in school and on our school social media accounts, asking people to submit their poetry and short stories. Exams will be over in a few weeks and hopefully by then we’ll have enough material to get to work on launching the magazine. And of course, we’ll have material from you.”
I nodded, even though the thought of publishing my work created raucous flutters in my stomach. “I’ll send you the poem I was thinking of kicking the magazine off with.”
“Great.” He straightened up from the computer. “Another thing. I was wondering perhaps if your father might like to get involved with the project. Having his name attached to the magazine would certainly bring outside interest. If the magazine proved popular, even just within the city, it would go a long way to bolstering your applications for universities.”
The thought of my dad being a part of the magazine made my toes curl in my shoes in irritation. The feeling warred with the desire to get into the college of my dreams.
“Comet?”
I nodded, slowly, a little miserably, as I realized I’d have to swallow my pride for the good of the magazine. “I’ll ask him.”
“Really? Wonderful. I’m sure he’ll be proud to be involved when it means so much to you. I’m really proud of you, Comet.”
I beamed, worries about my asking dad momentarily fading. “Thanks, Mr. Stone. For everything.” At his pleased nod of acknowledgment I began to walk out of his classroom. He called my name, halting me at the doorway.
“I also wanted to say that I like very much what I’ve seen from Tobias since you two have become...friends. It’s a wonderful relationship you two have.”
I grinned at his approval, thanked him and left. And as I walked down the almost empty corridors I shook my head in wonder.
Never in a million years had I ever imagined finding my place in high school. I’d always accepted the fact that I’d have to wait for university and hope that I found my niche there.
However, it turned out that maybe I didn’t need to wait to be found.
Finally, surprisingly, I was no longer lost here.
* * *
After school I found Dad in our kitchen, sipping coffee and reading the newspaper. He looked up as I wandered into the room with butterflies fighting in my belly. As our gazes connected, I felt a rush of all the different emotions my parents made me feel. Longing, hurt, resentment, weariness, begrudged pride. But I didn’t want to feel that way anymore. Nothing would change our relationship, but I didn’t have to be bitter about it anymore. I had a chance at a wonderful life and of maybe succeeding at making my dreams come true. Would I really let bitterness stop me from reaching for what I wanted?
No.
I wouldn’t.
“I have a favor to ask,” I blurted out.
Dad’s eyebrows rose and he sat back in his chair expectantly. “Okay.”
“It’s kind of important to me.”
“I’m listening.”
“I asked my English teacher, Mr. Stone, if I could set up a literary magazine and be the editor. It would help with my application to universities. And he said yes.”
He smiled. “That sounds wonderful, kid. I’m proud of you.”
I moved farther into the room, not sure how I felt about him telling me he was proud of me. So I didn’t touch it and plowed forward. “Mr. Stone thinks if you put your name to the magazine, like as an honorary staff member or something, it will draw more attention to it. That you would give it a higher profile beyond the school. And he thinks the more popular it is, the more impressive it will be on my university applications. You wouldn’t have to do much,” I reassured him. “Just maybe contribute a bit of writing to it every few months or something, and let us put your picture on the staff member page.”
“Okay.” Dad shrugged.
I blinked, taken aback. “Okay? Just like that?”
“If it’s important to you, why not? It won’t take up much of my time and it would be nice to be involved in your school. You know if you ever needed me to come in and talk to your class about creative writing, I could do that, too.”
I tried not to blush, remembering my lie to Mr. Stone. “Cool. I’ll let Mr. Stone know. About talking to our class, as well.” I was feeling a little shocked that he’d agreed so easily. “You’re sure?”
“Absolutely.”
“Right.” I gave him a shaky, relieved smile. “Thanks, Kyle.”
His smile was soft, almost sad. “You’re welcome, Comet.”
THE FRAGILE ORDINARYSAMANTHA YOUNG
27
Today I was a bird,
The sky my vast stage.
“Free” not just a word,
As I left behind my cage.
—CC
To no one’s surprise Luke asked Vicki out. To everyone’s surprise but my own she told him to ask her again once the exams were over. I could tell by her smart quips toward him that she liked him. Jordan had put her on the defense at the beginning of school. I think testing Luke to see if he would still be interested in two weeks—which let’s face it was like a year in teenage-boy-attention-span-time—helped her make the decision to say yes to him when he asked her out. And he not only asked her out, he waited outside the hall where her final exam was taking place and asked her as soon as she walked out the door.
We all found a rhythm together, us and the rugby boys eating lunch together every day; sometimes we’d welcome other classmates, sometimes it was just a few of us. Tobias and I even went out on a double date with Vicki and Luke.
Steph did not feel left out, because Steph was enjoying basking in the attention of all boys. Andy, thankfully, seemed to realize quite quickly that he wasn’t going to get anywhere with Steph and he turned his attention to a girl on the Portobello girls’ junior rugby team. She was taller than him. And possibly stronger. But the boy was smitten.
As for me I hadn’t escaped my friends’ curiosity over the look Tobias and I had shared in the cafeteria that day. They’d asked me outright if Tobias and I had had sex and I admitted we had. Vicki was full of curious questions while Steph seemed happy, but as always there was an undercurrent of competition there. It wouldn’t surprise me if my friend decided not to remain a virgin for very long. She hated to be left behind. Vicki on the other hand could not be moved to do something she wasn’t ready for. Like me she’d wait until it felt right.