Play On (Play On 1)

And losing Aidan had forced me to get up and keep moving until I found what I was looking for. I found me.

I knew I’d never have found myself with Jim by my side. That I would’ve walked away from him. Hadn’t I already made up my mind to do so before he died? I could’ve done it too, because he never made me feel like Aidan does. I cared about Jim, but it wasn’t unselfish affection. I would have hurt him to walk away. And the sad truth is that as badly as I’d have felt doing it, it wouldn’t have broken me.

But walking away from Aidan, hurting Aidan, was going to break me.

There was no denying I was unequivocally in love with Aidan Lennox.

And by choosing my fears over him, I was loving him selfishly.

Wasn’t it time to trust him? To believe him when he said that he would love me for who I was now?

“Thank you, Jim, for bringing me here,” I bent down to whisper against the stone. “I did love you. In my own way.”

I straightened and walked swiftly away, making a vow that I would visit Jim more often. It was unwise to sweep the pieces of my past behind me simply because some of those pieces were jagged and painful. Each was a piece of a jigsaw, and I was the puzzle. I wasn’t complete without them. Jim deserved to be remembered, and I needed to embrace the memories of the old me too.

Because Aidan was right.

I was still that Nora. I was also eight-year-old Nora and twelve-year-old Nora, and I was Nora today. I couldn’t be who I was now without them all.

And if I liked myself as much as I proclaimed to, then why was I desperate to forget them, as if ashamed they’d ever been me? There were going to be days, hopefully few and far between, when I didn’t love myself very much for whatever reason, because I was human and no one liked themselves every day. Trying to protect myself from that was futile, and pushing away Aidan to protect myself from that was sightless and thoughtless. Totally unwise. That was a diplomatic way of saying I’d been a blind fool!

I sighed, feeling the pressure that had been on my chest since Thursday morning lift. I breathed deep but not easy. There was a man out there, after all, who I needed to convince to stay.

To forgive me.

To love me, even on the days I didn’t love myself.

A neighbor was coming out of Aidan’s building as I approached, and I hurried toward him. “Hold the door.”

The man, perhaps in his fifties, startled and stopped, the poodle on the lead in his hand tugging forward. The door started to shut, and I launched into it, accidentally knocking the man out of the way.

“I’m so sorry.” I rushed past him.

“I hope you know someone—” His words were abruptly cut off by the building door slamming shut.

Palms slick, my underarms in much the same condition, I hit the elevator door button and bounced on my feet as it opened.

The ascent to Aidan’s floor seemed to take five million times longer than usual. I blew out an agitated breath between my lips, praying he was home.

The elevator binged, and I swear my heart stopped as those doors rolled up. Aidan’s door stood beyond, aloof and solid.

There was a giant possibility my future was on the other side.

“Don’t be sick, Nora,” I whispered to myself as I stepped off the elevator. “Not sexy.”

It took me a moment, staring at the brass number on his door, to gather the courage to lift my arm. Another moment to curl my hand into a fist.

And a few after that to knock.

The quiet behind it only increased my pulse until there was so much blood rushing in my ears, I wondered if I was imagining the footsteps on the other side of the door.

Suddenly, I was flooded with light as the door opened.

Aidan looked down at me.

Waiting.

Expectant.

“I love you too,” I said.

I gasped for breath, falling back on the bed, naked and covered in sweat.

Aidan collapsed next to me, his breathing also shallow as he tried to catch it.

“I take it that means I’m forgiven for being a drama queen and that you love me too?” I asked the ceiling.

The mattress shook beside me with his laughter. “I love you too, Pixie.”

Joy suffused me, and I turned my head, my hair rustling on the pillow, to meet his gaze.

His reaction to my confession had been gratifyingly fast and demonstrative. One second I was on the other side of the door, and the next I was in his bed and we were tearing each other’s clothes off.

I didn’t see much as he dragged me like a caveman to his room, but what I did see was no evidence of his departure tomorrow for the States. “When is your flight supposed to leave?”

“What flight?” He frowned.

“Your flight. To New York.”

“Ready to be shot of me already?”

I smacked him playfully. “Of course not.”

“I didn’t really take the job.”

Confused, and feeling outrage building, I sat up. “What?”

He sat up too, his expression placating. “Look, I would lose my good name if I agreed to a job and then backed out at the last minute, which we both know I would’ve done when you came back to me. I was only going to accept the job if you didn’t come to me.”

Yes, definitely outraged. “So you lied to me? You manipulative ass!” I attempted to lunge off the bed but his strong arms wrapped around my waist, hauling me back down onto it. Then he pinned me to the mattress with his hands wrapped tight around my wrists.

“What? No. Off. Now, Aidan.”

“I love it when you’re bossy,” he growled playfully against my lips.

“Aidan!”

He rolled his eyes and pulled back, but I could see that amusement still dancing in his eyes. “I told a wee white lie. A little story … for my storyteller.”

“Oh, don’t get cute. You lied.”

“I played with the truth a wee bit. But just a bit.” Aidan let go of my arms, but he didn’t get off me. His expression changed. “I didn’t know what else to do. When you left the first time, you know it had a massive impact on me. I hoped that the idea of me leaving you would provide you with perspective—a real chance to work out whether you loved me without it dragging on for ages. You know I’m not a patient man, Nora.”

“It wasn’t about whether or not I loved you, Aidan. That was never in question. I’ve loved you since that day on Portobello Beach. I was afraid of myself and the past.” I sat up, curling a hand around the nape of his neck and drawing him close to me. “But I love you more than anything else. I’m done telling everyone that I’ve moved on; now I’m actually going to live like I’ve moved on. With you by my side.”

He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against mine. “And I’ll never leave your side, Pixie. I’m yours.”

“And I’m yours.”

He lifted his head but only to draw me tighter against his chest. His hands caressed my naked back, his eyes filled with desire and tenderness.

I leaned in to brush my lips over his. “Love me in the knowledge that you’re the only man I’ll ever want like this.” I kissed him with all the fierce love and need I had inside me. My tongue danced with his in a deep, drugging kiss as we crushed tight against each other.

Aidan broke the kiss to follow a path down my throat with his mouth. I gasped for breath, my hips surging against his erection as he kissed his way down to my breasts. When he wrapped his lips around my nipple, I lost all control.

I pushed up on my knees, wrapped my hand around him and guided him to my entrance. I lowered down, and we panted as he slid inside me. The thickness of him took my breath away for a moment, and we both held still as my body eased into accepting him.

I sighed when I moved up on him slightly and back down, shivers exploding down my spine.

Aidan pulled my mouth back to his, kissing me with a hunger that seeped into me—I couldn’t get enough of him. I began to ride him. Slowly, savoring each deep tug of desire in the pit of my belly as I slid down on him and dragged up.

Our hot breaths mingled as sweat slickened our skin and our moans filled the bedroom. Our eyes locked on each other, never breaking the connection, as we undulated together, our movements growing steadily faster as we sought completion together.