Love by Design
“Oh, my God.”
Logan held out the box and said, “Dakota Michelle Carson, would you do me the honor of marrying me? I love you, and in addition to you being my best friend, I want you to be my wife.”
She stared at him, then the ring, and back again. She had dreamt of this moment so many times. It did not include a bedroom in a jet, a ring that could eclipse the sun or any of the other material aspects, but the man in her dream was always Logan.
But now that the time had come, there were so many things running through her head. It was overwhelming. She looked at him, expectantly awaiting her answer.
“Logan, I…I want to marry you, I really do. I just…I’m… I need some time.”
He sat back, a shocked expression on his face. “This is not the answer I was expecting, Koty.”
“I know, and I’m sorry. It’s not that I don’t want to, Logan. I do.”
“Then what’s the hesitation, Dakota? I don’t understand.”
She tried to explain her position, but the more she tried, the more upset Logan became. He snapped the jewelry box shut and got up. He set it forcefully on the table. She jumped at the deafening sound. He threw on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt.
“Logan, I’m sorry I’ve upset you.”
“Upset me? Dakota, I just asked you to marry me, and you said no. Why the hell would I be upset?”
“I didn’t say no. I’m just…it’s a big decision, Logan, and we just got back on solid ground. Why do we need to rush into marriage?”
“Rush? Dakota, I’ve known you since I was thirteen. You’ve been the only woman I’ve ever loved…and you think I’m rushing things?”
“I know you’ve loved me, and I’ve loved you, but we’ve only been together a few months, Logan. Before now, we didn’t speak more than a few sentences to each other for almost our entire adult life. I want to be sure we’re both committed to this one hundred percent.”
“I am, Dakota. You’re not?”
“I didn’t say that. Maybe in a few months when we’re—”
“I’m not waiting a few more months,” he said emphatically. “I want us to start our lives together now, but apparently you don’t share my enthusiasm.”
She reached out to him, but he backed up. “Logan—”
“You either love me enough to be my wife, or you don’t.”
“How can you say that? Of course I love you, Logan. And I want to be your wife. Just…can’t we give this some more time?”
“Then that’s a no, Dakota. And I’m done.”
She stared at him. “Done? What does that mean?”
“It means exactly what it implies,” he snapped. “I’ve sacrificed enough time in my life trying to please everyone else—my parents and their expectations, you… I’ve put my life on hold to do what’s expected of me, but enough’s enough. I want things to move forward. I want to be with you, Dakota—for keeps—but apparently you don’t see that.”
“Of course I see it. I’m just getting used to sharing my life with you, Logan—with anyone. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable by not wanting to make a misstep and ruin what we have. I thought you would understand that.”
“There’s always something to deal with, isn’t there? One more trial to get past, one more hurdle to jump over. I…I’m sorry, but I can’t do it anymore, Dakota. I’m tired. I love you. My whole world would revolve around you, but you won’t let it. You can’t trust that what we have is special. Some people live their whole lives without a love like ours, and you’re willing to throw it away because you’re terrified to actually live your life. I know your world changed the moment your parents died, but you’re still here, Dakota. You didn’t die with them, but sometimes it’s like you forget that.”
She turned red. “How dare you say that to me? I was ripped apart inside by their deaths. You’ll never understand what that’s like—no one will. And it’s true, I did wish, more times than I care to remember, that I was with them, but this has nothing to do with that. I know what we have, Logan. But you’re the one walking away—again,” she accused.
He shook his head. “I’m not walking away from the love I feel for you, Dakota. I’m walking away from the craziness that comes along with it.”
Dakota recoiled like she’d been slapped. She stood rooted to her spot. Her world was falling apart around her, and she was powerless to stop it. He was giving up on her…on them.