Love by Design
“Why, Logan?”
“It’s stupid to think about my reasoning now, but I just… I was terrified to run the risk that it wouldn’t work out between us, and that I’d lose you—permanently. Or worse, that we would get together, but that somehow I’d fail you. I tried to forget you and get you out of my head, and my heart, but it didn’t work. Over the years I realized that my not trying was condemning me to a life of unhappiness.”
“And me,” she said bitterly. “You weren’t the only one affected by your inability to make a choice, Logan.”
“I told myself that you’d forget about me, that you’d move on and find someone better for you than I was.”
Tears fell haphazardly down her face. Her eyes mirrored her disillusionment.
“You were wrong.”
* * *
Adrian had insisted that Logan play basketball with him. He was not happy about the outcome of that decision.
“Dude, you took sucked to a whole new level. Your mind was everywhere but that game.”
“Sorry, man.”
Adrian went to Logan’s refrigerator and got a beer. He came over and handed one to his cousin. He sat down and put his feet up on the coffee table.
“So what have you been up to?”
“Not much.”
“Have you spoken to Dakota at all?”
“No.”
“You know, conversations would go a lot easier if you didn’t have the cryptic one-liners for responses.”
Logan eyed his beer.
“Why don’t you call her, man?”
“I tried. She’s disappointed in me, and I can’t blame her. She’s right. I was an indecisive jackass in my youth, and it’s coming back to ruin my happiness now. I guess you really do reap what you sow.”
“Logan, quit beating yourself up now for stupid decisions you made as a teenager. We all made mistakes. It goes along with the territory.”
“Maybe it’s better this way.”
“Okay, now you are being a jackass.”
“Adrian, how many times does a person need to get kicked in the teeth before he stops smiling?”
“Look, I’d readily agree and leave you alone if I thought it was what you wanted, or needed. But for the life of me, Logan, I don’t understand why you’re so hell-bent on letting your pride destroy your happiness. You spend your whole life pining after a girl, you move back to your hometown where you profess your undying love for her, and you say that you won’t desert her and will do whatever it takes to win her back. Then when you get her, and she hesitates about your marriage timetable, you’re ready to wash your hands or do whatever it takes to sabotage it.”
“I’m tired, Adrian. I’m tired of me, I’m tired of her and I’m tired of us. I can’t fight all three—not anymore. Enough about my problems. How are things going with you? How’s your wife, and the baby?”
Adrian beamed. “Milán is doing well. She’s four months pregnant, and eating me out of house and home, but if you tell her I said that, I will deny it.”
Logan laughed. “I got you.”
“I know I’m beating a dead horse—”
“That seems to run in the family.”
“But…are you sure things won’t work out with Dakota?”
With a harsh sigh, Logan bolted off the couch. He threw his hands up in frustration. “I see my friends, Natalie and Nigel, and Miranda and her husband. Those two couples have love, respect and drama-free living. They love each other, Adrian. I mean, true and deep love. They’re not afraid to show it, or to live in their own flaws. It’s the same for you and Milán. You all have healthy, loving relationships, but you also have a stable foundation. I don’t think Dakota and I have that solid base. As much as I love her, and it kills me that we’re not together, our relationship will never work because we’re not standing on a concrete foundation. It’s all an illusion, and it’s taken me this long to realize that neither one of us can bear the weight by ourselves anymore. If both of us aren’t all in, our foundation crumbles.”
Adrian was silent for a few moments. “Look, I hear what you’re saying. Believe me, but I know you, Logan. All you’ve ever wanted since you were a teenager is Dakota. You have her now, and for some reason, you’re resisting it. All I’m asking is that you think long and hard before giving up and walking away. You stand to lose a lot, cousin…. I just hope you’re prepared for what happens if you can’t put this back together again.”
Setting his drink on the table, Adrian got up. “Just think about what I said.” He punched Logan’s arm lightly. “I’ll see myself out.”