One More Chance

It wasn’t something I had attempted to deny. Nor was it something I had attempted to get over. Ana had captivated me in high school, and her spell hadn’t yet released me. She had been the only woman on my mind night after night despite friends always trying to get me to go out to bars and pick up other girls over the years.

Heels clicking my way pulled me from my trance. I stood up and looked over, knowing it would be Ana. What I found was a stark contrast to the awkward, quiet high school girl I’d fallen in love with all those years ago.

In her place was a beautiful woman with curves that blossomed in all the right places and a seductive stare that left me weak in my knees. The bright yellow dress she had rolled down her body left nothing to the imagination. The neckline was high and the dress was sleeveless, showcasing the softness of the arms I had felt wrapped around my neck so many times as a young man. Her toned legs flexed in her yellow-and-black polka-dotted heels, and for the first time I was getting a glimpse of the fashionista Ana had grown into.

Everything was perfect. Her blond hair was piled high on her head in a beautiful twist, with wisps of hair accenting her dangling earrings. They drew my eye to a neck I wanted to kiss. Her eyes had a beautiful tint of makeup and her lips glistened with a natural gloss that begged for me to kiss them.

Her eyes locked with mine as she sat down. I braced myself for what she had to say.

Ana looked phenomenal, and she was about to devour me whole in all the worst ways.

“I want to start off by saying I was a little harsher than I needed to be when we spoke on the phone.”

Her big blue eyes fluttered up to mind and I felt my heart slam against my chest. It took all I had to keep a hold on my tongue in order to abide by what I had agreed to. I wanted to open my mouth and tell her it wasn’t an issue, that she was fine. How she felt and what she felt and how she expressed it was all fine to me.

She was fine to me.

“With that said, I’ve been bouncing around the past few days trying to figure out a way to cohesively tell you what that argument did to me, and I couldn’t come up with anything better than what I’m about to say.”

I locked my eyes on hers as she drew in a deep breath.

“You made me no longer trust myself, Tyler.”

I furrowed my brow in confusion as she shook her head and giggled.

“Those last few months we spent together were tense. And we struggled. We fought over stupid stuff—things teenagers do in relationships. But never through all of that did I ever doubt us, what we had, the love we had for one another. I knew that, if anything, I could trust that. I could trust my judgment of that one facet of our world. And then you said what you said. You made a comment in the heat of the moment about being glad to get away from me, and it shattered that entire perspective.”

I curled my toes to try to keep the energy boiling in my system at a low simmer.

“In the back of my mind, I knew you were simply angry. You wanted me to talk to you about my future plans, but I didn’t have any. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life at eighteen. I hadn’t applied to colleges, Tyler, and I was ashamed of that. It took me almost a year after graduating high school to figure out what the hell I was going to do with my life. But you wanted answers right then and there that I couldn’t give you.”

“Why didn’t you say that?” I asked.

She shot me a look, but I hadn’t been able to hold it in anymore.

“You said you’d stay silent so I could talk.”

“Just answer that one question. Why didn’t you tell me any of this, Ana?”

“Why didn’t I tell the Harvard-bound genius that I hadn’t applied to college? Are you really asking me that?”

“Did you think I would look down on you? Somehow see you as inferior simply because you didn’t have a plan at eighteen? Many of us didn’t have plans at eighteen.”

“No one else mattered to me, Tyler. Only you.”

I didn’t know how to respond.

“I knew that letting go of me was best for you. I knew if you held on to me in L.A. you wouldn’t go to Harvard. Or you’d come back too often. Or you’d sacrifice your classes and your grades in order to keep in touch with me. I didn’t want that for you. I didn’t want to hold you back, Tyler. I loved you too much for that. So, in the heat of the moment, I rode with it. I said I was glad you were leaving, too, and then I left. I hoped it was the push you needed to go to where you needed to be to succeed. I was a sinking ship, and you were hopelessly anchored to me.”