The Boy Next Door

But this wasn’t a visit, and it definitely wasn’t Christmas. This was just me being back in Dixon living with my parents and feeling like the biggest failure on the face of the Earth. So, in that way, sure, I could still go home again. But it wasn’t the warm and fuzzy experience “they” would want you to think. Instead, I felt more like I’d dragged myself back with my tail between my legs and hoped my mother and father didn’t just toss me aside.

It would have gone along with the general theme of how my life was unfolding at that point, though. I moved out of my apartment in the middle of the night like I was running from the law, paying my landlord early so he didn’t throw a fit about the broken lease. That wasn’t nearly as hard as quitting the job I loved. I’d worked so hard for that job and for the promotion I wouldn’t have a chance to earn. I loved the job and I loved the people I worked with, but that was the very reason I had to walk away from it when I did. Piper already knew about the baby, and it wouldn’t be long before everyone else I worked with found out as well. If I stayed much longer, someone would let something slip and Jayson would find out about the baby.

That wasn’t something I could let happen. I made the choice not to tell him, and that was a choice I wouldn’t change. He had a different life ahead of him, and I couldn’t take that away from him. But I also couldn’t raise the baby alone. My career was fulfilling and I enjoyed it, but my salary definitely wasn’t enough to support both of us. Not with the exorbitant prices of LA. I needed to go somewhere with a lower cost of living where I could find a job that would take care of us comfortably. And I needed someone who could watch the baby while I was working, someone who would love her and ensure she was safe and had what she needed when I wasn’t there to give it to her.

Which led me to the one real choice I had: I came home so my parents could help. And as demoralizing as it was, it turned out to be the best decision for me at the time. My mother was there for me throughout my pregnancy and had been a huge help since my daughter was born. Never once had she said anything to make me feel bad about what happened or to question my decisions. It was turning out in the best way it possibly could, I guessed, but it wasn’t completely smooth. Being back home in the tiny town after the bright lights of the big city was a hard feeling to cope with. But at least I had my baby girl. She brought her own bright light into my life.

At the end of a long day, it was good to be back home, sitting on the couch with my baby in my arms. Breastfeeding her gave me a sense of purpose and contentment I didn’t realize I could experience, and after the initial challenges, it became one of my favorite parts of taking care of her. Sitting there with her as she happily ate, I turned on the local news. In a town like Dixon, the local news didn’t tend to be the most exciting thing to watch. Little happened in Dixon, and when there was something to show up on the news, it was usually no more thrilling than a house fire or a local bake sale.

That night, though, the anchor had widened eyes and seemed excited to actually have something to talk about.

“Calling all music fans. In two weeks, the national tour of The Monsters will make its way through our area. There are still tickets available, and the show promises to be…”

The rest of her overly enthusiastic presentation and canned laughter about the band name melted away in the buzzing in my ears. My jaw hung open as I stared at the screen and the images of a recent show. I knew that name. It wasn’t exactly my type of music, but I knew I’d heard of the band before. That was the band Jayson was opening for during the tour. That meant he was going to be in my vicinity soon.

I sat there on the couch thinking about what that meant, trying to wrap my head around the idea of him being so close by in just two weeks. In the ten months since I’d left LA, I hadn’t seen or spoken to Jayson. I knew he had called me several times. I’d listened to the messages he sent me before disconnecting my phone. It was too hard to keep ignoring him, to pretend I didn’t want to pick up and talk to him. Moving back here to Dixon made me feel like I was a world away from him. There was no way I would run into him or accidentally cross paths with him.