Ignite (Ignite 1)

Once outside of the bar and into the fresh, moist air, he walked me to the car and stopped. We were alone in the parking lot, but you could hear the noises from the bar littering the air around us.

“What’s the matter?” he asked me.

I let go of his hand and rested my back against the wet passenger door of his car. Then I crossed my arms and took a long moment to decide my words while staring up at the firmament blackness overhead. I don’t know why I always thought of lanterns when I gazed at the stars. It was suddenly so silly to be angry; I’m just a human, and up there is a chasm of worlds being born. How silly to think I was significant at all… A pretty pessimistic thought process, I know, but just that thought alone extinguished that anger on standby. The world was too great to be angry right this moment. But I could still feel disappointed.

“I think you know what’s wrong,” I finally whispered, keeping my voice levelled.

“Bringing you here was a mistake.” Exasperated, he ran a hand through his hair. “I never should have brought you here to see all this.”

“But that’s who you are now, isn’t it?” I replied, motioning to the bar. “It’s fucking ominous as hell for me, Jaxon. You go in there and you speak behind closed doors, and then you get out and you obey his commands, and then you fuck every pussy that walks within a metre of you.”

He winced at my last few words. “It’s not entirely like that--”

“That man is dead, isn’t he? The one that attacked me at the motel. The one who is clearly in the Black-Backed Jackal gang because his brother – donning that fucking leather jacket – walked in asking for it–”

“His brother is in the gang, but Brett wasn’t.”

“But now you’ve crossed them, haven’t you?”

He looked around us quickly. His cautious eyes wandered over every inch of the parking lot. “Stop talking about this out here in the open.”

“Is he dead?” I already knew the answer, I just wanted him to say it.

He pressed his lips together and glared at me. “Don’t ask questions you don’t like the answers to–”

“You’re just going to keep closing the lid on it, aren’t you?” I exhaled in irritation. “What’s so hard about answering it?”

“Because I’m answering you, and I value you so goddamn much, Sara.”

What the fuck ever. I shook my head, welcoming the exhaustion in my chest. Talking about the demise of that man was pointless. Jaxon wasn’t going to say the answer out loud.

“Fine,” I breathed, equally glaring back. “You can keep that answer to yourself, but you will tell me what you’re up to with that man.”

“Strictly business, Sara.”

“Is it drugs?”

Angrily, he retorted, “No, and I’m not talking about it out here of all fucking places.” His impatience shone while he continued to look around us.

“Then take me home and discuss it with me there.” There was no way I was going to drop this. I needed to know what the fuck he was involved in because if it included the Jackals, then it wasn’t pretty.

“I can’t right now,” he replied, reaching to grab my hand again. “I’ve got to stay back. I came here to tell you that Damien’s going to give you a lift to my apartment–”

I ripped my hand from his grip again. “Are you serious right now? Why do you want me gone?”

“It’s clear you aren’t going to have any good time in there with all those men.”

“But it’s okay for me to leave you in there with all those women, right?” I countered. I was still far from angry, but it didn’t mean I wasn’t going to sound like I was. If anything, I was distraught by what I just learned in that toilet stall.

“I would never do anything to deceive you, especially after tonight–”

“Jade Smith,” I interrupted sharply.

His face didn’t register – but then again, I’d learned that Jaxon was a good liar. “What are you on about, Sara?”

“I already gathered in there by the way those guys were placing dibs on me that women get passed around like fucking church plates on Christmas. It’s pretty obvious you’ve had your share of them.” I ignored the conflicted look on his face. “But Jade Smith, Jaxon? The girl that bullied me and made me hate waking up every single morning – her? Are your standards so low that you’d hurt me in the process?”

For the longest time, he didn’t reply. He wouldn’t even meet my eye. I started to regret bringing this up now, especially when it meant so little compared to the real problem – which was what the fuck Jaxon was up to with these kinds of people.

“I don’t know what to say,” he finally said. He looked at me with resignation. The mask was off, and I saw the weariness in his eyes as he heaved a shrug. “I was hurt for the longest time. I won’t lie and say I don’t remember her. I knew what I was doing, and I could have walked away. I didn’t, though. At that point you’d moved on and I was trying to forget you. I’m sorry.”

I glazed over most of his words, too consumed in the pain of what he’d been up to.

“I’m sorry, Sara,” he repeated. “You promised the long haul, remember? Please, don’t break that promise. I’ve made mistakes – fuck, I’ve made so many – but I need you, and I’ll do anything to prove to you that I can be just as I was before. You need to give me that chance, and I promise, I promise with everything in me, I won’t disappoint you. We’ll talk it through, everything you want to know I’ll explain. Just not right this very second outside of this bar at the risk of being heard.”

Too lost for words, I succumbed to his wants and nodded. He moved into me and planted a soft kiss on my unmoving lips. Suddenly feeling detached, I looked over his shoulder as his arms wrapped around my hips.

“I promise,” he repeated. Chest against chest, I could feel his heart beating riotously within its confines. His palpable fear of losing me was multiplying with every second I didn’t respond. “Please, Sara.”

“Okay, Jaxon,” I whispered. When he kissed me again, I moved my lips against the softness of his. Still, I was detached. There was an unfamiliar tremble in my bones as the unsettling and unanswered questions weighed down on my mind.