Nothing Left to Lose (Guarded Hearts 1)

When I finally got a hold of my emotions, I sniffed loudly, wiping my nose on the back of my hand. “So tell me about your day, was it fun?” I asked, needing to hear something positive for a change.

“Fun doesn’t even cover it,” he answered. “The tour was great, and the cars… my God, I wish I’d trained as a driver when I was younger instead of SWAT. They clocked me at 143mph on the straight,” he boasted.

My heart leapt into my throat and I immediately berated myself for buying him something so dangerous as a gift. “Damn it, Ashton! Were you supposed to go that fast? You could have been killed!”

He chuckled wickedly. “I knew that would be your reaction when I told you that. You worry about me too much too, you know,” he teased. “Anyway, thank you so much for arranging this.”

“You’re very welcome,” I replied, chewing on my lip. “So, are your boys having fun too?”

“Heck yeah. Nate and Seth are talking about having me killed so they can have you to themselves.”

“Those boys don’t interest me,” I answered honestly. Nothing and no one would ever steal my heart from Ashton.

“Good girl.” I could practically hear the smile in his voice.

“So, what are you doing tonight? Getting drunk I hope.”

He laughed. “You’re always trying to get me drunk,” he teased. “I might have a couple, I won’t be getting smashed. You think I could call you when I get back and talk to you again before you go to sleep?”

My lips twitched with a smile. “If you want to. But how do you know you won’t have some girl in your room?” It was half a joke, half serious. I knew there was a very good chance he would be sleeping with some random girl tonight. I couldn’t stop the jealousy that was coursing through my veins. Deep down, I knew I had no right to be jealous, we were just friends who pretended to be more – but that didn’t stop the ache in my heart when I thought about it.

He sighed. “I won’t, Baby Girl.”

I laughed incredulously, remembering something he’d told me once before. “Right, I forgot, you’ll be in her room so you don’t have to spend the night.”

“Anna, seriously, will you stop? I don’t want another girl! Christ!” he snapped.

I recoiled, shocked that he’d shouted at me. “I was just teasing,” I muttered. I hadn’t been, we both knew it, but suddenly I felt guilty for doubting him.

“Look, just stop thinking like that, alright? I really hate it. I don’t want you thinking that I’m gonna be sleeping around just because I’m not there with you. I won’t.” His voice was sincere, and my guilt flared up again.

“Okay. Sorry,” I frowned down at my bitten nails, chewing on my lip.

“Don’t worry about it. Let’s change the subject, alright?” he suggested. I smiled and closed my eyes, grateful that the awkwardness could be brushed under the carpet.

Our phone call lasted almost an hour, but it felt like merely minutes. At the end, he’d promised to call me later on, as soon as he was back in his hotel room. Once I put down the phone to him, I decided I would forgo sleep once again that night. I couldn’t take another nightmare on top of everything else, and I certainly couldn’t risk having another dream of Ashton, all broken and bruised.

I busied myself sketching while Dean watched TV. From the corner of my eye, I could see him yawning but trying to cover it up. I closed my book and stood. “I’m going to bed, Dean. Goodnight,” I lied.

He stood too, stretching. “Yeah, I think I will too. I’ll see you in the morning.”

To keep up the act, I headed to my bedroom and changed into a pair of loungewear pyjamas before quietly listening to my iPod for an hour. When I figured that Dean would be asleep, I hesitantly crept back out into the kitchen, making coffee before sneaking back into the lounge to watch TV.

At just after midnight, I got a text from Ashton.

‘Hey, Baby Girl. I’m sorry this is so late. If you’re still awake, call me. If I’m too late, then I’ll call you in the morning. Missing you like crazy x’

A goofy smile stretched onto my face as I dialled his number as quickly as I could. He answered immediately. “Hey! I didn’t wake you did I? I’m sorry it’s so late. Seth wanted to stay for another one, which then turned into two,” he grumbled.

The sound of his voice made my sour mood lighten. “I told you that I didn’t care if you woke me up. You should have just stayed out and got smashed, made the most of your time. You haven’t had a drink for over four months.”

He sighed deeply. “I didn’t want to stay out. It’s not the same without you there. I really missed you tonight.”

“You did?” I snuggled down on the sofa, unable to curb my ecstatic smile.

“Yeah. It was weird tonight. Usually when we go out, I have you to laugh and dance with but, towards the end of the evening, all the guys went their separate directions and I was left on my own talking to the barman,” he chuckled awkwardly.

I frowned. “They left you? What for?”

“They all went out on the hunt,” he replied casually.

The hunt? Oh, like hunting girls! “Right, and you didn’t want to?” I asked quietly.

“No, I didn’t,” he answered, just as quietly.

I smiled as happiness built inside me because of his answer. We chatted easily for about an hour, about nothing in particular, he was just so easy to talk to. “I guess I should let you get back to sleep,” he said, just after half past one in the morning.