Nothing Left to Lose (Guarded Hearts 1)

“I will always love you, Jack, always. And I’ll never forgive myself for what happened to you.” If I hadn’t suggested we went out to the club that night, if I hadn’t worn that short dress, if I’d just gotten some help, then he would still be here. “I’m so sorry. This shouldn’t have happened to you. You were such a good guy and had everything going for you, and you would have been a brilliant doctor.” Jack had been terrific at whatever he put his mind to. “It should have been me who died that night, not you. I wish I could take it back and change it around, but I can’t.” A tear fell down my cheek so I wiped it away quickly. “I really hope that you can forgive me, even though I’ll never be able to forgive myself.”

I glanced over at Ashton again, seeing that he was watching an old couple who were sitting at a grave about a hundred yards away from me. He was glaring at them murderously as if he would shoot them if they made one move in my direction. I smiled weakly, knowing that I’d put him through enough. I’d said my piece, hopefully now that it was off my chest, some of the guilt would fade over time.

“I’d better go. Ashton’s going to have a heart attack if I stay away from him for much longer.” I pushed myself up to standing and brushed the grass off of the rear of my jeans. I smiled at Ashton and waved him over. Relief washed over his face as he jogged towards me. Kissing my fingertips, I traced the letters of Jack’s name. “G’bye. I’ll come back soon and see you. Sleep tight.”

Ashton stopped at my side and smiled down at me sympathetically as he touched the small of my back. “Okay?”

I nodded. “Yeah. I’m ready to go.” I took one last look down at the gravestone as I slipped my hand into Ashton’s. “Bye, Jack.”

As we walked back towards the parking lot, I nodded down at the gun that was still gripped in Ashton’s other hand. “You can put that away now, Pretty Boy, that old couple aren’t here to kill me,” I joked.

He laughed sheepishly. “Well you never know, those wrinkles could have been a disguise,” he teased, as he stopped and pushed his gun back into his ankle holster. I rolled my eyes at him. “So, are you okay?” he asked, squeezing my hand tightly.

I nodded. “Actually, I am. Thank you for letting me have some time, I really appreciate it. I know that was hard for you.”

He sighed. “Yeah, I don’t like to not be able to do things for you, but I can’t do that again, especially with your dad being sworn in to office tomorrow. I need to be close to you out in the open like this. We’ve already lost the far guard for the day; I can’t push the boundaries too far.”

I blew out a big breath, resisting the urge to make a sarcastic comment about him being an overprotective control freak just like my father. I hated the whole guard situation, but I’d never really had a say in it. “Come on, we have a few hours before we have to be at the airport, why don’t we go down to the lake or something,” I suggested, changing the subject. I’d love to go back there, where I’d first started getting to know him. It seemed weird that it was just over four months ago that he’d waltzed into my life, blown everything up in the air and made me re-evaluate the way I lived my life.

Ashton nodded enthusiastically. He seemed almost as happy as me to be going back to the place where we’d had our ‘first date’.

Chapter Forty-One

~ Ashton ~

Our time at the Lake House had ended all too soon. We’d barely had time to hang out before we had to make the trip to the airport so that we could fly to Washington, ready to watch her father be sworn into office. Anna had been quieter than usual, but that was probably down to it being Jack’s birthday.

By the time we arrived at the hotel we were staying at, we didn’t even get time to change our clothes or freshen up before a little man in a penguin suit and too much gel in his hair ushered us into the private dining room, where her parents and a few close family and friends were gathered.

We were the last to enter, and everyone else was already seated and dressed impeccably in smart suits and evening dresses. I couldn’t have felt more out of place in my jeans and T-shirt if I’d tried. Anna’s dad stood as we entered, smiling warmly. “You made it. I’m afraid we had to start without you, so you’ve already missed the chicken liver paté.” A shudder tickled down my spine at how disgusting that sounded.

“Thank God,” Anna whispered, not even bothering to disguise her distaste. I chuckled, poking my finger into her ribs in reprimand.

Her dad grinned and walked over, and I noticed that the rest of the room had gone silent and were watching the exchange. “How was today?”

Anna’s body tensed as she raised her chin. Her hard exterior was back again, she never seemed to like anyone getting behind her defences. Thankfully, she had been allowing me to lately. “Fine.”

Her dad nodded, obviously catching on that she didn’t want to talk about it to him. “Good. I’m glad you’re here. Thank you for coming.”

She shrugged, finally now letting a beautiful smile creep onto her lips. “Of course, I wouldn’t miss it. Shall we sit and get on with dinner, Ashton hasn’t eaten for two hours, he’ll be passing out soon,” she joked, grinning up at me.

“Two and a half,” I corrected, winking at her playfully. Her dad chuckled at my side, so I turned to him. “It’s nice to see you again, sir. Thank you for allowing me to crash your family dinner.”