Nothing Left to Lose (Guarded Hearts 1)

She hugged me fiercely and made a strangled sound in the back of her throat. “You know, I’m going to miss you so much when you leave.” Her voice was husky and full of emotion.

I frowned at her statement. “Leave? Where am I going?” I didn’t have any planned trips or anything.

She smiled sadly. “When you leave, when your assignments done. You’re only guarding me until after the trial is finished,” she explained, rolling off me and lying close to my side.

That was true. My assignment was due to finish just a couple of weeks after Carter’s trial ended, which potentially meant that I could have a new job in just three short weeks’ time. I smiled sheepishly because I didn’t intend for that to happen and had planned on speaking to her about it. It looked like now was going to be that time, seeing as she brought it up first. “I wanted to talk to you about that, actually,” I admitted.

“Yeah?” she chewed on her lip as if she was trying to hold herself together.

I nodded, swallowing my nerves, knowing that the time had come for me to finally admit my feelings for her. “Yeah. I was thinking, once I’m not your guard anymore, I could request an assignment near your school.” I watched her face to see what she truly thought.

A confused frown lined her forehead as she looked up at me. “Here? Why?”

I chuckled awkwardly because she just had no idea of the power that she had over me. Now I just had to suck it up and bite the bullet. It was now time for me to tell her that I loved her and pray that she didn’t freak out.

“Well, I want to stay here with you. I was wondering if I get an assignment here, maybe we could still live together?” I suggested hopefully.

She gasped and shook her head, looking extremely angry. I winced immediately, scolding myself. She obviously wasn’t ready for me to be getting this heavy with her. I should have waited another couple of weeks.

“I’m not some charity case, Ashton! God, you need to chill out, for goodness’ sake! Other agents can look after me, you know,” she cried angrily as she pushed herself up, about to get out of bed. I groaned. Again, she thinks I’m only interested in her safety. Why can’t she see that I’m head over heels for her? I grabbed her hand before she could get out of the bed. “Get off, Ashton! Seriously, I’m really annoyed with you. You think other people can’t look after me so you have to stay here and babysit me, even when it’s not your job anymore?” she spat, struggling to pull her hand from my tight grip.

I tugged on her hand, making her fall down onto the bed beside me before I rolled so that I was half hovering over her. “Anna, calm down! Jeez, let me explain, will you?” I pleaded desperately. She sighed and a muscle in her jaw twitched angrily as she narrowed her eyes but stopped struggling. Nerves were making me feel sick. “I’m not worried about your safety, well actually that’s not true, I’ll always be worried about your safety. But that’s not the reason I want to stay here.” I begged her with my eyes to hear me out before she had whatever panic attack she was going to have. One of her eyebrows rose in prompt, clearly not believing a word of what I was saying. I took a deep breath. Please God, please don’t let her freak out. “I want to stay here with you, I… I…” I stuttered. Wow, the words are hard to say when you didn’t know how they’re going to be received.

“What? Just spit it out!” she snapped angrily.

I fought a smile. I loved it when she was feisty. “I love you, Anna.” The anger faded from her face to be replaced by shock. Her mouth dropped open, and her eyes widened as she looked at me. I nodded and smiled, watching it slowly sink in. “I’ve fallen so in love with you that it’s unreal. Honestly, I want to stay here with you because I love you more than anything in the world,” I explained, biting on the inside of my cheek, waiting for her to react.

It felt like an enormous weight had been lifted off my shoulders now that she finally knew how I felt. She was just staring at me like I had grown a second head, so I let go of her hands and pushed myself off her, sitting up on the bed next to her, feeling the panic brew inside me because her silence started to become deafening.

~ Anna ~

Stunned into silence was probably the phrase that would best describe me in that second. I had no words. Had he seriously just told me that he loved me? Me, messed up, damaged, broken Annabelle Spencer? Someone like Ashton couldn’t love me, could he? What on earth would he even see in me? Ashton was a player; he didn’t love girls… did he? My heart constricted. I wanted so badly for that to be true. I’d dreamt of him saying those words to me hundreds of times. Never, in any of my dreams, had they sounded so sweet.

He pushed himself up off me as he stared down at me, seeming to be gauging my reaction. His emerald green eyes were searching my face. They shone with tenderness and passion, and the sight of it made my heart ache. Could it be? Could someone as sweet, adorable, smart and funny, really want me?

My body seemed to belong to someone else, my limbs were not responding as I struggled to take in and believe his confession. It took a great deal of effort for me to push myself up to sitting too. His face was merely inches away from mine as his eyes narrowed, silently begging me to speak.

“You love me?” I whispered disbelievingly.

He nodded. “Yeah, I love you,” he confirmed. That was when I saw it in his eyes, the truth, the depth of his feelings, the devotion. Suddenly it all made sense, his actions, his attentiveness, his affection. He wanted me. A sad smile twitched at the corner of his full lips. “It’s okay; I know you’re scared to let me in, Anna. After what happened with Jack, I know you need time before you can make yourself vulnerable again. I’ll wait for you, as long as it takes,” he whispered, looking at me fiercely.