Nothing Left to Lose (Guarded Hearts 1)

She smiled weakly, but it didn’t reach her lifeless eyes. “I know, but I can’t help it. When I close my eyes, that’s what I see.”

“In time the bad stuff will fade, and you’ll just be left with the good memories,” I promised, stepping closer to her and wrapping my arm around her shoulders. She fitted against my body perfectly. The smell of chlorine wafted up from her hair, making my scalp prickle. It was almost like torture. If I can’t have her, then why does she fit me so perfectly? I wanted so badly to dip my head and kiss her cheek, so I could feel her soft skin against my mouth again. I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about the taste and feel of her since what happened yesterday.

She pressed her face into my chest and her body accidentally brushed against mine. I gulped and willed myself not to get turned on by the tiny movement. “Everyone says that, but three years on and it’s still just like yesterday,” she muttered.

I sighed and closed my eyes, pressing my face into her hair, breathing her in. I had no idea how I could make her feel better. “Just take one day at a time, that’s all you can do.”

Her arm tightened on my waist for a second before she sighed and pulled out of my grasp, stepping back and frowning down at the floor. “Let’s just get this stuff packed.”

Two suitcases and a rucksack later, she was finally satisfied that she had enough clothes to last her. She seemed to have packed everything but the kitchen sink. I even saw her throw in the next three Twilight books for me. I’d never had someone think about me like that before. The guys at the academy were great, but guys just didn’t do that sort of thing. It was weird for me to accept that someone could just genuinely be that kind and thoughtful. It amazed me that, although she was going through agony, she still had it in her heart to think of others too.

After we were done, she disappeared off into her en-suite to have a bath, so I sat on the edge of her bed, staring at the door, just wishing I could go and sit on the floor and talk to her some more. That was easily my favourite thing about her; she always had something interesting to say and could make me laugh like no girl I’d ever met. Sighing, I pulled out my cell phone, opening my email and finding the itinerary for our travel the following day.

When I knew it word for word, I stripped out of my clothes and took the spare pillow and throw off her bed, laying it out on the floor again. My back muscles were already protesting about sleeping on the floor, but it seemed to stop her nightmares so I could deal with it for a while. I’d already put in a request for a sofa bed to be put in the apartment we were to share.

A little while later I could hear her moving around in the bathroom. When the door handle twisted, I quickly lay down and closed my eyes, pretending to sleep. There was no need for me to make anything more difficult for her. She sighed and the light flicked off before the mattress creaked and the sheets rustled. As I lay there, I could hear her breathing as she rolled to the edge of the bed. It was one of the most precious sounds in the world to me.

Suddenly, I felt one of her fingers trail across the bridge of my nose and trace across my cheek before she swept the hair from my forehead softly. I desperately wanted to open my eyes and talk to her, hold her and kiss her, but she needed me to be the strong one, so I would be. Her hand moved down, resting on my chest, just above my heart. It was almost as if she wanted to check I was still there or something. It was nice, and I couldn’t help the smile that crept onto my face – lucky for me, the light was off so she couldn’t see how excited the small touch was making me.

I woke early again in the morning. I sat up, clenching my teeth so that I didn’t groan as my muscles protested. I smiled over at Anna who was still in a peaceful slumber, so I pushed myself up to my feet, bending and planting a soft kiss on the top of her head before I silently folded up my makeshift bed. It was easier this way; there was no awkwardness for her if I snuck out while she slept. I sighed and went to my room for a quick shower, changing into my clothes for the day and packing the last of my things.

After taking my bags downstairs, I sought out Dean to check he was all set for today. We were due to be driven to the airport at nine, so there wasn’t long to wait. Satisfied he was ready to go and knew what he was doing, I made my next stop the kitchen. My stomach was growling angrily as I looked at the stack of pancakes that Mary had made.

After gorging myself on a huge stack, I picked up an extra plate and loaded a couple on for Anna, carrying it carefully through the house and up to her room. When I got to her door, I knocked and waited for her to call me in. It was only just seven, so I was assumed she wouldn’t even be up yet.

“Yeah?” she called sleepily.

I opened the door and strutted in, seeing that she was sitting up on the bed, yawning and rubbing her eyes. Her hair was all messed up from sleeping, yet she still looked like the most beautiful girl in the world. I smiled to myself. I could look for a thousand years and never get tired of seeing her face, I was sure of it. I knew that every girl I met from now on would pale in comparison to Anna.

“Hey, Baby Girl. I got you some breakfast.” My eyes widened in horror at what I’d said. Baby Girl. I’d called her it a couple of times now by accident; I really needed to stop that.

Thankfully, she didn’t seem to notice. “You did? Thanks,” she smiled at me gratefully as she scooted back to the headboard, grinning when I passed her the plate.

I watched her in silence while she ate her breakfast, the whole time willing myself not to get turned on when she licked her lips and put her fork in her mouth. I had no idea how eating could be a turn-on, but she somehow managed it.