Insider (Exodus End 1)

Twenty-Eight

Logan took a seat beside Steve’s bare feet on the sectional and waited for Toni to finish hooking up every piece of equipment she’d brought with her and even a few she’d borrowed. He knew she was tremendously excited to capture the band creating a song, but he knew from past experience that these things never, ever went well. He was positive she was going to end up disappointed. The only good thing about that was that she’d probably need him to console her. But he’d rather this session go well because he knew it meant a lot to her. He was determined to be on his best behavior.

“I think that’s everything,” she said and turned to look at them expectantly.

Was she expecting genius to flow from them all on cue and converge into a perfect melody? Yeah, right.

Dare stood and lifted good ol’ Genevieve off her pegs on the wall. He blew a puff of dust from her fretboard and sat down on the coffee table to tune her.

“You’re blocking the shot,” Toni whispered. “Do you want me to move the camera?”

Dare glanced over his shoulder at the video camera trained at his back. “I’ll move,” he said.

“But you usually sit in the middle of the room,” Max said.

“Then I’ll pull the camera over here,” Toni said. When she had a new shot lined up, she stared at them expectantly again. Logan was pretty sure he wasn’t the only one feeling awkward.

“Um,” Max said, “so I guess we should decide what kind of song to compose. I was thinking something acoustic. We haven’t done an acoustic track and since—”

“Fuck that,” Steve interrupted. “Why am I being excluded?”

“You aren’t being excluded,” Max said, raising a placating hand.

“Oh yeah?” Steve said. “How many drum tracks will you require to accompany your acoustic song?”

“Acoustic songs don’t have drum tracks,” Logan said.

“Exactly,” Steve said. “So that means I’mmmm . . . ?”

“Excluded?” Logan supplied.

Steve slapped his thigh. “Exactly.”

“We could add a drum line to an acoustic song,” Max said. “You could play snare.”

“Technically, drums are acoustic,” Dare said. “Acoustic just means without amplifiers.”

“Why are you defending him?” Steve said. “You hate playing acoustic guitar.”

“I wouldn’t say I hate it,” Dare said. “I just prefer electric.”

“So we’re scratching the acoustic idea,” Steve said, crossing his arms over his chest.

“You just don’t want to do it because it was my idea.” Max was starting to shout already.

“No,” Steve yelled back. “I don’t want to do it because it’s a stupid idea!”

Logan would normally have chosen a side by now, but he didn’t want to escalate the problem. Toni was counting on them.

“Guys!” Reagan yelled over all of them. “Calm down.”

Max rose to his feet and waved an arm in Steve’s direction. “I’m not going to calm down until he admits that he’ll think any idea I have is stupid—”

“I freely admit any idea you have is stupid,” Steve said.

“I wasn’t finished,” Max said in a clipped tone. “He will think any idea I have is stupid because it wasn’t his idea.”

“I definitely admit that too,” Steve said. “We need a song with a huge drum solo. Currently all we have is guitar solo, guitar solo, guitar solo.”

“What about a bass solo?” Logan suggested.

“No one wants to hear a bass solo,” Steve said.

“No one wants to hear a fucking drum solo either!” Logan said.

“We have to have a guitar solo,” Dare said.

“Why?” Steve said. “Because we always have a guitar solo? You’re all so predictable. Why can’t we do something different for a change? It’s not like this song is going on an album. It’s just for this stupid book.”

Logan glanced at Toni. He wasn’t sure if her shell-shocked expression was due to Steve undermining her work or because, as usual, the arguing between them was already intensifying. He hit Steve to show his support for his woman. “Toni’s book is not stupid.”

“Guys, guys,” Reagan said. “Maybe we should start with lyrics and—”

“Start with lyrics?” Max asked. “We never start with lyrics.”

“How is she supposed to know that?” Dare snapped, shoving Max in the chest. “She’s never had the pleasure of being involved in this fucking bullshit.”

“Okay, not with lyrics then,” Reagan said calmly. “How do you usually start?”

“Exactly like this,” Logan said. He was sure Toni wasn’t getting what she expected for her book, but she was getting an authentic experience. “These assholes can’t agree on anything.”

“We can all agree that you contribute nothing, so you might as well leave,” Steve said.

“I contribute!” Logan shouted, anger making his skin hot and his heart race.

“What do you contribute? D chord, D chord, D chord, D chord,” Steve said, keeping the beat to his improvised bass line with shakes of his head.

“Shut up,” Logan growled. “I sometimes play E.”

“We usually start with a guitar riff,” Dare said to Reagan. He looked to their original rhythm guitarist. “Max?”

Max looked at the electric guitar he’d brought in and hooked to one of the practice amps. He swallowed hard, rubbing his wrist brace, and then switched his attention to the acoustic guitar in the corner. “I still think acoustic—”

“No,” Steve interrupted.

“Bull headed,” Max grumbled under his breath, but he rose from his spot on the sectional to yank his favorite blue guitar off its stand—it was the only guitar he hadn’t allowed Reagan to borrow when she’d joined the tour. He took his time adjusting the tuning while the rest of them twiddled their thumbs or exchanged glares.

Max took off his wrist brace and carefully laid it on the coffee table. He flexed his fingers several times and then shook blood into the underused hand. “This one has been keeping me awake at night,” he said. He played several notes of a raunchy riff, shook his head, slid his hand along his fret board to a lower octave and started over. Smiling, he nodded and bobbed his head slightly to the rhythm as he came to the end of the string of notes and returned to the beginning.

Logan sat up straighter, listening to the natural rhythm of the piece and mentally adding his lower bass tones to the midrange.

“Oh, I love it,” Reagan squeaked.

“So you hear this kind of stuff in your head?” Toni asked. She was staring at Max with the kind of awe she usually reserved for Logan.

“Only when it’s quiet and I’m trying to sleep,” Max said with a wry grin.

His smile turned into a grimace, and he jerked his hand off the fret board, cradling it against his chest with his right hand. He massaged his left wrist and shook it out before returning his fucked-up hand to his guitar and playing the riff again. Dare’s rapid string of notes blaring from his amplifier made everyone jump. He shook his head and tried a completely different string of notes, shrugged and started over, now alternating E-minor triplets with a four-note pattern.

Wow, they were actually getting things done. Logan was proud of his band for holding their shit together for a change. Well, for the most part. Heads hadn’t started rolling yet.

Logan stood and went after the bass guitar he’d hooked up on the far side of the lounge. Dudes were going to flip when they heard the awesome bass line running through his head. Before he could even lift the strap over his head, Max’s riff ended abruptly, and he jerked the plug out of the end of his guitar.

“Fuck this!” he yelled, slinging the free end of the cord on the ground.

“If your wrist is bothering you, I can play the riff.” Reagan extended her hands toward the now-silent guitar.

“I’m done for today,” Max said. He slid the door open so hard it slammed against the frame with an

earsplitting crack.

“We should have gone with acoustic,” Dare said.

“What difference would that make?” Steve asked. “Don’t you have to strum harder when you play acoustic?”

“Strumming isn’t his problem,” Dare said, setting his guitar aside. “It’s fingering frets rapidly.”

As was done in all Exodus End songs. Even the ballads. Max was probably thinking if they took a huge departure from their norm and slowed things down—a lot—he could play.

So it made perfect sense to Logan why Max would rather play acoustic. “If you’d let him play what he wanted, he could have used a few connected chords. Not had to move his fingers much.”

“So we switch him to bass,” Steve said, shrugging. “That solves everything. Max can play. We don’t have to put up with you anymore.”

“Seriously?” Logan shook his head at Steve.

Steve jumped up from his seat on the arm of the sectional and whacked Logan on the back. “No, not seriously. Learn to take a joke, man.”

“It’s easier to take jokes when they’re actually funny,” Dare said as he set his guitar back on its stand.

Toni collected Max’s wrist brace from the table and quietly left the room. Knowing her, she had tears swimming in her eyes and was offering Max a tender hug before she helped him put it back on. A week ago, Logan probably would have flown into a jealous rage and intervened, but now he realized she had a heart big enough for everyone around her, with plenty of room to spare for him.

May 12

Dear Journal,

Well, the song-writing session didn’t go as planned. Max wanted to do an acoustic ballad, which pissed off Steve because there are no drums in acoustic ballads. They usually get along so well, but were all arguing within seconds. I was stunned by how quickly the session deteriorated. Eventually Max caved and shared an amazing riff that’s been floating around in his head. I don’t need to tell you how amazing that is, do I? And then Dare joined in with this solo he pulled out of nowhere. I think Logan was about to add his bass line—and God, I wanted to hear it so bad—when Max’s wrist started bothering him. He left the session angry, but he wasn’t really angry, he was hurting. I don’t think he’s ready to let go of playing guitar and I don’t think his bandmates have any idea how much he’s lost by handing his guitar over to Reagan. Even temporarily.

I did get some footage. And I can piece together the good parts. This creative genius business is kind of scary, but I know the fans will love to see them writing a new song. I sure did! Well, except the arguing stuff. I’ll just cut out that part. Steve is such an instigator.

We should be at the hotel soon. I’m so looking forward to spending the night alone with Logan. He says there’s a hot tub in our suite. So you know what that means? Hot tub sex lessons for me tonight.

Score!

I better call Birdie before we get to the hotel, or I’ll end up being too distracted by Logan to remember to call her. Maybe Mom will let her use her cellphone so we can face chat. I miss my buttercup’s smiling face.

In-awe-of-the-talent-around-me,

Toni

Twenty-Nine

“Get dressed,” Logan said, kissing Toni’s shoulder as he rose from the bed. “We’re going out.”

“Out? Where?”

“It’s a surprise.” He wasn’t sure if she’d like the surprise, but there was only one way to find out.

A few hours later they were flying over their drop zone. He’d checked their gear several times, but he checked it again. He’d never taken a woman tandem skydiving and though he wanted to share the exhilaration of hurtling toward the earth with this particular woman, her safety was at the forefront of his mind.

“I am not jumping out of a perfectly good airplane,” Toni said.

She’d also said she wasn’t getting on an airplane the size of a sparrow, but he’d managed to convince her.

“You’ll be strapped to my chest. And perfectly safe.” He hadn’t done many tandem dives, but as a licensed instructor, he was allowed to do them and take his inexperienced girlfriend along with him. “Just enjoy it.”

“What if the chute doesn’t open or, or, or I pee my pants?”

He cupped her cheek and kissed her. “Don’t you trust me?”

“Yes,” she said without hesitation.

He tucked a stray lock of hair into her bright red helmet. “Then stop worrying. You’ll be fine.”

He claimed her mouth in a deep lingering kiss, only drawing away when the pilot called out, “It’s time.”

“Time?” Toni squeaked.

Logan shifted behind her and attached the carabiners that linked her harness to his. He could feel the tremble of her body—knew she was terrified—but he wanted to share this with her. He loved skydiving and hoped it was something they could do together for fun. If she tried it and hated it, he wouldn’t pressure her to do it again. He wanted to find something he liked to do that she enjoyed as well. He’d already decided to buy her a dirt bike for her birthday, and he couldn’t wait to teach her to ride it.

He slid open the door on the side of the plane, and Toni leaned slightly forward to peer down at the ground far below. Thick areas of trees dotted the lush green landscape and twisted streams wound around the hills, all dumping into the wide green river that resembled polished jade from this height.

“Nope. Not gonna happen,” Toni yelled over the roar of the engine. She shook her head so hard, he feared her neck would snap. “No way in hell, Logan. Nope. Nope. Nope.”

“Is your camera on?”

She nodded, touching the camera on the side of her helmet.

Without warning he wrapped his arm around her waist and lifted her toes from the floor before diving sideways out of the plane and taking her with him.

The first moment of free fall always stole his breath, but then the wind caught. Flying and falling at the same time. Adrenaline surging. Heart pounding. And then the overwhelming feeling of being alive hit him. It was that feeling that kept him coming back for more.

“Oh my God!” Toni yelled. “Oh my God!”

“Did you pee your pants?” he teased.

“I’m not sure. But this is amazing!”

His heart soared. She, she was amazing.

“God, I love you,” he said, wrapping his arms around her and squeezing her from behind.

“What?” she yelled. The wind rushing past their ears as they plummeted howled and made hearing difficult.

“I said, I love you!” he shouted.

She stiffened in his arms. “Don’t say it if you don’t mean it.”

“I do mean it. I love you, Antonia whatever-your-middle-name-is Nichols!”

“I love you too!”

Her confession should have terrified him far more than the ground rushing toward them, but it didn’t. It thrilled him beyond any free fall he’d ever experienced. Maybe love was the adrenaline rush that had been missing from his life all these years.

“But I’m very mad that you told me now!” she yelled.

Surprised, he craned his neck to try to see her face, but it was useless in their his-front-to-her-back position. “You are?”

He thought she’d want to hear him say it.

“Yeah,” she said. “I can’t kiss you. You have no idea how much I need to kiss you right now.”

He did have an idea, actually. “Next time we’ll jump separately, so we can kiss all the way down.”

“Deal!” A few seconds later her hands clutched at the flapping fabric of his sleeves. “Logan?”

“Yeah, baby?”