Texas Big Man

For the thousandth time since I drove up the road, I’m wondering what the hell Trevor is doing with this project. Is this really his dream? If it is, I’ll help him with it, but the turn-around is dizzying. I love that my brother has confidence in me to get this project started, but irritation buzzes under my skin. He wasn’t exactly helpful on the phone.

When I told him that there was a rude squatter on his ranch, all he did was laugh. He told me that under no circumstances was Harlan a squatter. He was Trevor’s right-hand man, his partner in fact, and we’d be working together to get things started on this project.

I had no idea that Trevor wouldn’t be here until the end of the summer. Something he conveniently left out when he convinced me to come down here. The irritation turns to rage as I put my suitcases against the wall and dig through them for any clothes that aren’t caked in dust. How is there dust everywhere? I also need to find another pair of pants, because no matter how much I love these pink lace panties, I do not want to encourage Harlan. Not at all.

What the hell is wrong with my brother? Why would he think that I’d want to come down here and spend three months with a stranger? I came for family. Not for this.

And it doesn’t matter that Harlan seems to make my body do things that it’s absolutely not allowed to do. I can still feel his hand on my skin like he branded me. Every detail. I can feel each individual fingertip that rested on my hip. I can still feel his hard chest pressed against my breasts, and damn it all to hell, my nipples are responding, perking up as if he were still laying underneath me. The way his body felt under mine, I want more. I want to press up against him so I can feel his ridges and edges and the obvious arousal pulsing in his jeans.

I’ve never wanted that with anyone before him.

But it can’t happen.

Because I’m going to follow my plan.

Love first, then marriage, then sex. That’s what my parents did, and they’re the happiest couple that I’ve ever seen. And for my entire life, we’ve been taught that that’s the way to do it. The proof is in the pudding. Our family is solid. Trevor and me, our younger brother and my parents. We’re close. No matter what happens in this crazy and unpredictable world, we can always count on each other.

That’s why I’m here. For Trevor. I had plans to spend my summer finally writing my book, but if it’s important to my family than it’s important to me.

Besides, it’s good to do something different. Drift out of my comfort zone. At least that’s what I tell myself. About a month ago I left a job I hated with no backup plan. It had been awful. I worked long hours every day. I worked hard; with integrity and dedication. But I rarely received any recognition and my salary just barely covered my expenses. It was clear I wasn’t appreciated in that office, but worse than that, I was constantly berated by my boss. No matter what I did he found fault. Eventually his insults went from professional to personal. When my family realized just how miserable I was, they were the ones that encouraged me to quit and take the summer off to follow my dream. They even offered to help me financially as I looked for something better while I wrote and worked on getting published.

It was a relief when I put in my notice. I hadn’t had that kind of quiet in my head in years.

And frankly, I wasn’t really ready to admit how much being in that kind of environment had messed with me. On the surface I was all smiles, but I had been having panic attacks on the job. My self-esteem had taken a hit, and everything seemed rather bleak. The only think that helped me at all, was writing. So when my family was supportive of me taking time off to do that, it felt like a blessing.

Pausing, I take a deep breath. I feel all mixed up inside. This is good. Deep down I know that splitting away from my life before and going in the opposite direction is good for me and for my writing. Life experience is always a good thing. But I thought that I would have some of my family here with me—a connection to home. Now I feel like I’m spinning. I feel a little untethered and unsure.

But none of that matters. I sweep those thoughts from my head and focus on what’s in front of me. I’m here now and I’m going to make it work. I have plenty of self-control, and no one is going to take that from me. In the meantime, I’m hot, dirty, and sweaty, and there is nothing that I want more than to just take a nice shower. A cold shower, and not just because of the hot Texas sun. Harlan!