I wash up and quickly leave the building. The whole ride home I brood about how I was unable to stop myself from touching myself in the shower and thinking about Lisa even after admonishing myself for it.
She’s my employee, I should know better. I know how important the Ozark project is to us and the company. I don’t have time to be fooling around like this.
I don’t understand why I can’t stop myself from doing it, though. These thoughts and impulses that I keep having about her are forbidden, yet they keep happening. What is wrong with me?
I usually have a lot more self-control that I’ve been showing. I can’t possibly be having romantic feelings. I don’t do romance, especially not when it involves business or money. That’s just senseless.
I continue arguing with myself about it the whole ride home. By the time I reach my house, I’m more tired than before. I need to shut out everything.
I decide to just call it a night. I can wake up at dawn to prepare for the meeting. I walk upstairs to my room and collapse on the bed. Then I stare at my wall for a while before my eyes close and I pass out.
My alarm rings early the next day, and sunrise finds me showered and sipping coffee in my office.
I’m not really a breakfast person. I go over key notes that need to be brought up at the meeting and prepare possible responses for anticipated questions.
I glance at my watch and realize it’s time to get ready and head into the office. As I leave, I’m proud of myself for having kept my thoughts so pure all morning.
I wonder if that will change when I see Lisa at the office. I hope not. Staying productive has helped me get a lot of work done before the workday has even started.
As the boss, I need to maintain this level of professionalism to keep my reputation and image sharp. It would be a shame to lose that edge.
I wouldn’t want anything to happen to Lisa, either. I’m shocked that I find myself caring about bad things befalling someone else. I don’t think I have ever done anything like that before. Usually I’m too busy thinking about myself, as sad as that is to admit.
But there is something about Lisa that is changing me into both a worse and a better man. I just hope the better man can take over and save me — and her — from wherever these thoughts and desires might lead.
Chapter 5
Lisa
I’m so excited throughout the whole drive home. I can’t stop thinking about Chicago. This is a huge opportunity in more ways than one.
I feel a little overwhelmed as I realize that there are a number of things I need to get done to prepare myself for traveling. I park my car and hurry inside my apartment.
Once I get there, Cocoa, my cocker spaniel, barks excitedly from her bed in the corner of the living room. She always brightens up my day, and today is no exception to that general rule, even though I’m a bit sad I’ll have to be apart from her for a little while.
“Hey, girl!” I greet her happily.
I put my purse and other stuff down on the counter. Then I scratch her ears softly. She wags her tail. I smile, then walk to my bedroom as she follows along behind me, wagging her tail excitedly.
I change into my most comfortable pajamas to start packing my suitcase. This is going to be a long but fun process. Probably because I’m so excited about everything.
I pull the suitcase out of my closet and start examining all the clothes hanging in there. I wish I had a better selection to choose from.
Cocoa wanders into the room and lays on the floor watching me. I hold each outfit up in front of the mirror on the back of the door and shake my head yes or no at them.
The ones I say ‘yes’ to, I set on the bed by the suitcase. I’ll fold and pack them later.
I know I shouldn’t be so excited about this trip, but I can’t help it. There is a small part of me that is hoping for more compliments on my appearance. That’s why I’m taking so much time going through my wardrobe.
I wish I had time to buy new clothes for the trip. But I barely had time to arrange for my sometimes dog walker, sometimes dog sitter, to come by and take Cocoa for me. I guess some priorities trump shopping.
After sorting through everything, I put the ‘no’ pile of clothes back into the closet. I fold the other things so that they fit neatly into my suitcase. Then I duck into the bathroom and grab a few toiletries, like my toothbrush and shampoo.