Jesus, I had, hadn’t I? It felt like something was missing or broken, something others had that I didn’t—feeling this, so deeply and on this level for another person—but it was there now. Why the fuck should it matter that it was with a man?
And there was no one in the world I could have admitted that to but him. I didn’t work that way, I didn’t let people know my insecurities, but I couldn’t help it with Jeremy.
“There’s nothing wrong with you. This world is so fucked up sometimes. We put so many goddamned rules on everything, so much goes into being the same, or normal, or whatever the fuck people believe, that anytime something is different, we equate it with broken.” He reached for me, rubbed his hand over my buzzed head, then rested it on my neck. When he found his home there, Jeremy tugged me closer. “What does this mean for us? What changes from where we were before? I can’t just jump into something and not have my legs beneath me. You have the ability to break my heart.”
Hearing him say that made my own heart clench. How did people do this? How did they let themselves feel so much? Because the truth was, if there was ever anyone that could break mine too, it would be Jeremy.
“I just… I want us to try. I want to see where this can go, but I need to take it slow. Maybe the labels and what this means for me shouldn’t matter, but…”
“It’s your life, Darren. It matters.”
“You matter too, though.”
“Are you kidding me? I made Darren Edwards want me. I won the lottery,” he teased.
“True.” I smiled.
We sobered again, and he leaned back. “So…secret relationship while you figure out if you like dick?”
When he said it like that, shame washed over me. “Don’t make it sound like less than it is.”
“I know. Sorry.”
“This isn’t all up to me. That’s not fair.”
“That right there, what you just said, that’s why I can do this with you. I’ve never been willing to go back into the closet, and I’m not now, outside of our…relationship? I don’t even know if I can call it that, but the fact that you just said that’s one of the reasons, that’s why I trust you and I can wait.”
I breathed out. When I did, the discomfort in my chest eased. I’d needed to hear that. “Maybe Anson and West? I don’t want to keep it a secret from everyone. And it’s not forever. I just…” Coming out in the middle of a football season was a clusterfuck waiting to happen, but when I didn’t even know what this meant for me? I couldn’t do it. Not yet.
“That works.”
“I want to kiss you again,” I admitted.
“Then do it.”
I waggled my eyebrows. “Now we get to the fun stuff. The exploring.”
For the second time in my life, I leaned in and kissed a man. I kissed Jeremy. It was slow, tentative. He was letting me lead the way. My nerve endings began to spark almost instantly, because this was him, and he was beautiful and funny and had power over me no one had ever had.
I let my tongue explore his mouth, took it deeper, needing more. I was on fire. My cock plumped behind my sweats as I pushed closer, showing him with my body what I wanted. Lie with me like we do. Let me kiss you this way. Let me feel you, Angel.
Jeremy didn’t hesitate. He lay on his back, one leg on the couch, and the other over the side, foot on the floor. I went down on top of him, his lithe, hard, very, very masculine body against mine.
Our groins lined up, both of us hard. This time, I didn’t tense at the feel of his erection against mine. It was different, but it was him. That made it fucking perfect.
God, if he could be in my head, hear these crazy-ass thoughts I had about him, I didn’t know what I’d do.
There wasn’t a lot of room, but I didn’t care. My body rested between his legs as I deepened the kiss. I thrust, rutting with him, and fuck if that didn’t make pleasure shoot through my body, mini explosions leading into what might be the whole world going up in flames.
I pushed tighter against him, moved faster, kissed harder, needed more, more, more. Jeremy gave a deep, husky moan that went straight to my cock, making it throb with need. All my dick clearly cared about was this was him, this was us, and somehow we were something special together.
His hands went to my ass, squeezed, as I began to lick and suck my way down his neck.
“Is this okay?” Jeremy asked.
“This is fucking incredible. God, you feel good.” I nibbled his earlobe.